The defendant, lisence Maryland YFC 445, may rise.
For offenses of:
1. Wobbling between driving 15 MPH under the speed limit when someone’s stuck behind you to 15 MPH over the speed limit when they’re trying to pass you,
2. Not having your car emissions checked since the Nixon administration, causing it to belch out blue clouds of smoke that completely obscure the car at twenty paces and cause people driving behind you to suffer oxygen deprivation
3. Passing a car and leaving your left turn signal on for three miles while fading from lane to lane in a manner that suggests you have a blood alcohol level matching Bill the Cat,
4. Pissing off Twoflower on his commute home,
I sentence you to unspeakable personal discomfort at a method of my selection. Court adjourned. Next?