It’s funny. I didn’t feel this bad yestrday. Towards the night, yes, but today I feel like crap warmed over. I’m tired. Like, Shoutan Himei style ‘My name is Stefan Gagne, and I’m very tired.’ But no amount of napping seems to change that. I don’t have focus to really do much of anything. And I don’t really know why this is the case.
I’m not in any sort of personal danger, even if I work for the feds, even if I’m in the DC area. We’re just too out of the way. I’m not afraid. I don’t know anybody involved in either disaster and I’ve never been to either place. I’m as seperated from this as you can be short of my job. And yet, I feel warped. Disconnected. Vague.
What I really want is for my life to get back on track. I want my wrestling newssites back in action. I want my fried chicken. I want to be able to go buy the latest game. I want to do something other than this, even if I can’t seem to concentrate enough to do anything other than pay attention to the news. If Smackdown does get fully cancelled (right now it’s just slated to go live on thurs instead of being pretaped) I’m gonna feel absolutely miserable. I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
I don’t want to forget this or go into denial, no. News networks, you keep carrying this. But I don’t need it on fifty channels. I don’t want it preempting the other things in my life. A lot of the new fall season of shows aren’t going to make the air for awhile; how about the new Star Trek? I wanted to see that. Will I get to? What about the finale of Tough Enough?
I live in this culture, and this culture is partly what keeps me going. Right now we’re turning into a culture of victims. I can understand that, I do! I feel awful. Just flat out awful. I want to stay abreast of developments and be informed, I want to accept it, but I also want to be something other than a Sympathetic Victim Of Our Great Tragedy. I can’t do that when I’m being flooded 24/7 with disaster and grief, in all the places I used to find comfort…
Anyway… I’d go on a rant now about how I expect our civil liberties to be infringed, new anti-encryption and pro-snooping laws to be passed to further our progression into a police state (“After all, we have to fight terrorists now!”). I also expect to see intensely horrible race crimes against innocent muslim americans in our country to start showing up any day now… but I think I’ve said enough. I’m tired. Maybe I’ll do that another time.