I was thinking about a huge, angsty rant. But I can’t really expand on it any better than this Bob the Angry Flower webcomic already did. Trust me, I tossed out two drafts of this journal entry attempting to do just that. Read the comic, then continue. Non-huge angsty rant ahead.
Yeah, I’ve had some brief, desperate, intense moments of zest. I’ve posted about a few of them, such as working on the MAME box and RPing, things that excite me. But they’re not the majority here, and see-sawing between the two in a fairly nasty way happens quite a bit. No, moslty I’ve felt the need to cram it. My writing, my gaming, everything. I just don’t have the hunger for it, the energy for it even if the opportunities are there and waiting for me to dive in. And I have no idea why I can’t work up the desire, since just a month ago I was happy as a lark in my new apartment and with intense zest that was producing fiction, playing games, enjoying life…
I bitch and moan in this journal about not having the time to do the things I want. But then, I get times like the four day weekend where I HAD the time… and I just didn’t do anything. I had writing I could have done, a workable episode three, and I just couldn’t do it. Nothing appeals. No zest. I have no idea why, either. And a friend of mine was hitting the same issue with his chosen profession/passion/hobby/what have you recently, so I know this is a fairly common thing. A troubling thing. I’m lucky that I don’t get paid to do the thing I have no zest for, but unlucky in that everything other than my job is largely stagnant and uninteresting. Unlucky in designing a 20+ episode story series that I can’t get myself to write, and don’t want to abandon.
So, I toss it open to the peanut gallery. Zest vs. Cram It. Do you have any idea what the hell I’m talking about? Has it happened to you? What do you do? I doubt there’s an answer, so I’m not looking for a quick fix. I just really wanted to share this and think about it a bit.