Whaddya know, a friends only post. I didn’t want to discuss this in my generalized post of the day (the one prior to this about hailstorm and copyright law).
The last seven days or so have been lousy. Not for any specific reason; nothing really bad is happening in my life. But I’m depressed anyway. Distant from folks, unable to lift my mood except for those two songs I was able to work on. Able to distract myself with Mame tweaking, but that’s not the same.
And last night I had one of the worst nightmares I’ve had in awhile. Since I noticed folks were posting their dreams last week, I’ll jump on the bandwagon late.
I dreamt that I was outside a restaurant in a parking lot with my dad and my sister. We were going to have a family dinner, but mom (who was travelling seperately) was late for some reason. I asked if anyone had her cellphone number, then dialed… and got the wrong number. But the woman on the other end of the line said “I don’t know who you are, but you should know they just nuked Washington.”
I hurried home and I checked the news, and the news was busy talking about some sort of tax bill. I figured she had to be pulling my leg; something that important would be the only story on, right? But I asked my friends, I looked around online… yes. PART of Washington had been destroyed by a nuclear missile fired from some middle east nation I hadn’t even heard of, one that was sympathetic to Palestine and wanted to punish us. There were oddball trajectories the missile took on one website I visited. There was even a second missle that hit something on the west coast… LA, possibly, but I never found out what.
This isn’t happening, I had realized. I had to be dreaming. But I ICQed rubylight, lostboydv, and rann and a few other friends to confirm it and yes, they said it happened. This was real, I wasn’t dreaming, and people were dead and things were about to get bad.
And I talked at great length over ICQ with them about how depressed this made me. And I considered not going into work that day (in and out of the dream; by this point I was phasing in and out thanks to my repeated snooze alarms). I couldn’t tell what was going on, what was real and what wasn’t — I was totally convinced that world war 3 was upon us and that everything was wrong.
Eventually I got enough control to decide to get out of bed and go to work, 10 minutes later than I usually do. By the time I was totally awake I was well aware it was just a dream and there were no nuclear explosions. I think.
The problem with being a writer, or at least being me, is having the occasional really vivid, really realistic dream that you’re ‘writing’ as you go while tricking yourself into thinking it’s happening. A dream where you’re being your ordinary self, more or less, sometimes going through multiple ordinary days of your life all inside the dream to the point where it feels like reality. And then it’s time to wake up, and your half-asleep mind can’t handle the strange transition, and it gets bad…
Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well last night, and this hasn’t done wonders for my mood.
What I wouldn’t give for one solid, good, positive day where everything feels like it’s going to be okay and things are going to be fine.