It’s another fine day at my job of document converting and trying to avoid work. Couple hours to get through, then I can get home, shower, and hack on my game a bit. I finished PR0 (finally!) and want to do some hak integration before moving back to PR1. Maybe I’ll finally get the UE10 outline done. Could play some skeeball, too, it’s been awhile since I hit that 300 point game…
To me, it’s just another Wednesday. And yet, it’s 9/11.
I’m choosing to see that as a good thing. Despite our Orange Alert (awooga, awooga) status, life continues. Things tick along at a steady beat. Other than seeing more flags on my disgustingly-thick-traffic morning commute and having to deal with guys like Ashcroft nibbling away at my civil liberties, not much has changed.
Which is not to say I’ve forgotten. Never forget. Never downplay the importance. This is not the post of an insensitive bastard who just doesn’t care that today’s 9/11… it’s a post from someone who has come to terms with it. I’m a firm believer in dealing with things, coping, living with ’em, moving on without denying them but without letting them slow me down, either.
Still, I’ll never forget that day a year ago… not for how sad or angry I was, but for how surreal it was. I think I wrote an LJ entry on it, but I’ll try playing the recall game, since that’ll more accurately reflect how I feel a year later.
That morning I crawled out of bed really, really not wanting to go to work. I made up some excuse about being sick, fired up the telecommuting link, turned on M*A*S*H and checked my e-mail. It was the episode where the USO show guys are staying over at the camp because one of them got sick.
About a half hour after I started into my work mail, I got an ICQ from someone to turn on CNN. Then another. Then my mom called. So, I did. Work stopped after that.
The oddest part? Throughout the entire thing, I had this weird, slack-jawed smile on my face and a nervous laugh. You know the American Godzilla movie they made, the bit where the reporter with the video camera comes THIS CLOSE to being stepped on… and he makes this half-mad “Oh god, this is so bizarre” nervous laugh face after Godzilla obliviously wanders off? It was that expression, and it stuck for a few hours. Something about the whole thing struck me as… offbeat. Strange. Impossible. Oh, I wasn’t denying it happened, it was just as incongruous with reality as if someone on CNN had said a truck fill of clowns had crashed into the white house and started demanding tax reform for their pink elephants. Just that weird.
I immediately hit Slashdot, which was the only news site not effectively DoSed by folks wanting to know more. Lots of rumors went flying around /., like car bombs in front of the state building and stuff. I kept dashing back and forth from the TV in my room to the stairwell to shout down and fill Dad in on the latest info, since he was downstairs. Sifting fact from fiction was very tricky indeed.
I don’t really remember the rest of the day, but odds are it was unremarkable. The real depressive funk didn’t hit until a day or two later, and lasted about a week.
And now we have… now.
Like I said, things aren’t particularly unpleasant right now. I don’t feel very bad. It’s just wednesday. (But I definitely haven’t forgotten, and I don’t think anybody ever will.)
If there is anything bleak here that I’m worried about today, it’s the future. I’m looking more to the future than to anything else… aftermath, reprocussions, policy decisions, international strife. I’m not very optimistic about all that, given our nation’s tendency to overreact. I remember I did a song about it shortly after 9/11, in fact. Yesterday I tried to go vote in the primaries so I could ensure I had my say about things, but since I’m an independent (I don’t tow a particular party line) I was denied. Logical, but still disheartening.
Just another wednesday for me.
And I won’t forget, either.