We finally meet the horrible abomination chasing them, we learn a bit more about our trio, and some peace and quiet is found at last (if not comfort).
I’ve made some revisions to Penelope’s character. For starters I’m dropping her age back from 19 to 15 — she feels more childlike and innocent to me, and this makes her dad’s protective complex make more sense compared to watching over someone past young adulthood. Also I gave her a pith helmet. Because they rule.
EDIT 10:45PM: Actually, you know what? I’m gonna drop it back to 13. She’s definitely a young girl who’s growing and becoming curious about the wider world, and I want her to be more friendship-attachment to people, without romance-attachment possibilities. It’ll mean less Hawt Girl On Advertising Banner effect, but whatever, I’ll have hot girls later on too.
I also nuked the first section of the story, the rambly narrative bit about cities. It was heavy handed; if I can’t trust my reader to be interested in the story despite starting out in a mundane situation, it shows bad faith on my part. I did however make Dave’s alarm clock weeeird so right away you knew something was up.
So, check out the changes, read the new scenes, let me know what you think. Not just typos, but how you feel about the characters — what you like, what you don’t. They’re very much in flux, wet cement as opposed to dry cement. I’ve already made one whomping change and a few more may yet come.
Also, note that updates may be sporadic — I’m not sticking to a regular update schedule just yet. They’ll go up as I write them.
In VIP club news, I’ve now got 20 registered members! Huzzah. Many of you noted you rarely leave feedback, because you’re shy (which is totally fine; read and enjoy!) or you don’t have an account (you can post anonymously with no account, it’s okay!). While I’m very keen on building a community pool of prereaders who participate in the process, it’s not mandatory to post. I’d love it if you did, but it’s your call. It’s good to know you’re out there, one way or another; that’s not something I had before the VIP club.
The first VIP-only story is a long ways away, but I’ll be shutting down the Early Bird Special well before that point. So, if you’ve been following my work for some time, hop on board — and make sure your friends know about it, too. Seating is limited.
Oh, and here’s the scores so far:
Undecided / Tie / They Team Up And Fight Hitler: 5