SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS
                 (http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/)
                            PRESENTS...

                         Slayers Chaos :
                            Episode 5

          ...in which certain things are not mentioned out
        of embarrassment, a family reunion is held, there's
           lots of girl talk and Lina tastes like coffee.

       A Slayers Fanfic Series by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

     (Almost all characters copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi,
     obviously.  If I ever even considered claiming that these
     were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small
     cell where I'd be forced to eat my own MREs to live.)

         --> Read the enhanced hypertext version at <--
             --> http://pixelscapes.com/slayers <--

-=-

 DISCLAIMER : Today's episode does not deal primarily with huge tyrannical
    clawed  things from dimensions of darkness or earth-shaking magical
                   activity and huge explosions and stuff.
               (Okay, maybe one or two claws, but that's IT.)

   Instead, it largely involves... mush.  Mush, and barbecued pork chops.

  Those uninterested should probably go watch pro wrestling or something.



    When Drama came to from his climactic sword battle, someone was
dumping a bucket of cold water over his head.  He awoke with a jerk, and
saw--
    "'--three figures in the cramped, underground room with him, through
the murky haze of the single lantern,'" Myth wrote, in her book.  "'Gourry
lurked in the background, an implied menace; Myth and Lina were on either
side of him, and both looked ready to rip his face off.  He realized he had
been defeated; worse, defeated and not killed.  Helplessly tied to a chair,
his Talents were unable to save him -- Myth's writing put him into an
'Interrogation Victim' role, which no amount of Drama would provide escape
from, only further humiliation.  And that was when he realized, finally...
the jig was up.'"
    "Thanks, Myth," Lina said, nodding to her companion.  "So.  You're
bagged and tagged, and if you try to get all melodramatic on us you'll just
end up making yourself worse.  Are we clear on the situation?"
    "Why are you HELPING her?" Drama asked Myth.  All his pretense of might
and superiority were gone; his role now was the plaintive, panicked crook
caught in the act, voice hurried and tense.  Drama had to fit his namesake,
after all.  "You're one of us and you're betraying the whole group.  She's
going to ruin it all!  Haven't the wingless been picked on by the Lord of
Nightmares enough?"
    Lina moved to occupy Drama's the entire view of world.  She Was Not
Happy.
    "Let's just say that if you don't fork over the information we need,
I'll do things to you that the Lord of Nightmares would consider harsh,"
Lina said, in a voice that you could store a side of meat in for a month.
"Not only did you make all our lives weirder than we wanted them to be, but
you stripped me down to my UNDERWEAR and tried to dissect me.  Weirdness I
could forgive.  My life is weird.  But for the rest, I'm seriously
considering using... this."
    Lina held up an ice cream scoop, and clicked it menacingly.  Gourry
nodded slowly in the shadowed background of the room, as if agreeing with
the concept.
    "I'll talk!  I'll talk!" Drama pleaded, sweating under the hot lights.
"What do you want to know??"
    "First, the other wingless" Lina asked.  "I want names, locations, the
works.  We've found Myth, Luck, and you, but that's it.  Do you know of the
others?"
    "None of them," Drama said flat.
    Lina clicked her scoop twice.
    "None!" Drama repeated, frightened.  "I swear.  I knew Myth was running
around somewhere.  Everybody knows Luck's settled down outside Sailoon.
Paradox is.. wherever the hell his home is, nobody really can tell.  The
twins -- Love and Loathing, I mean -- haven't shown up for awhile, Reason
faded into the intellectual human society and vanished, and Nightmare...
who can say?  If he ever shows his face, it's not from any corner you'd
suspect.  I was going to sell him the information about you, if I could
find him.  He could find me if he knew, no doubt... but otherwise, I've got
no clue where any of them could be, and that is the TRUTH."
    Lina looked at Myth for confirmation.  Myth gave a shrug; she was just
as clueless.  So, Lina decided to move on.
    "Second, what do you know about the Giga Lores?" Lina asked.  "We've
got a puzzle here without pieces, Drama.  When you were busy taunting me in
that trap, you said you knew things.  You didn't give me any details.  I'd
suggest right now, you be detailed."
    "I... not much," Drama said.  "I just know... look.  Merlin Giga
might've been the best thaumatological hacker around in his day, but he had
a few screws loose, you know?  He was obsessed with his own species."
    "How so?"
    "Humans.  He was obsessed with defining humanity, figuring out what it
meant to be human," Drama continued.  "He joined the priesthood to gain
enlightenment.  Every hour he wasn't doing marvelous magic, he was this zen
master of patience, meditating constantly.  I remember meeting him one day,
because I thought maybe his exploits could be more dramatic, you know?
Ride his coattails... but he didn't care about glory.  He just said one day
he was going to MEET the Lord of Nightmares, and... and 'find out where
humanity was intended to stand.'"
    "You're going to be talking about the lores soon, right?" Lina warned.
    "I'm getting there!!  Okay, so he's all hyped up about meeting the Lord
of Nightmares, which I CAN'T see, considering the Lord hates us.  But one
day, he actually does it!  For some reason, the Lord took him back to the
Lake of Chaos for a full day to talk with him.  And there's some kind of
bargain, because he came out bearing a book that he started to spread
around the world, a book with three spells in it, but it gets banned when
some folks try them and the whole nation of Nohao vanishes.  And that's
it.  Giga died like a week after he got back to reality.  I didn't see him
during that time, I just know what happened."
    "That's not much more than I knew before, Drama," Lina said, curiosity
edging into her malice.  "Three spells, leading up to some kind of
bargain.  Even Myth could feel that story.  Did anybody cast all three
spells before now?"
    "Just two people that I know of," Drama said.  "I followed what was
going on for a few years, since it seemed Dramatic... but the first guy was
never heard from again.  Flat out disappeared.  The second supposedly ran
off to join the Mazoku, or something -- I couldn't track him.  After all
that, nobody tried to repeat the spell prophecy, and everybody forgot about
'em.  But it wasn't three spells in the Giga Lores, it was four."
   "A fourth Giga spell?" Lina asked, surprised.
    "I don't know what it was, before you ask," Drama said.  "Supposedly,
Giga had an afterthought right before he died, that a supplemental spell
would be needed.  He wrote it up fast and tried to get it published.  But
the fourth one was lost in the shuffle, and nobody saw it again... and I
swear that is ALL I know about the matter.  Just bits and pieces of a story
that doesn't make any sense!"
    "So why were you assuming that this whole thing would be bad for you?"
Lina asked.  "Seems to be about humanity, somehow.  Not the wingless.  I
don't know why you guys are involved."
    Drama stared at her in disbelief.  He turned to address Myth.
    "You mean you didn't tell her?" he asked.
    Myth, surprised at being talked to, twitched slightly.  "Tell her
what?"
    "She doesn't KNOW?"
    "What doesn't she know?" Lina asked, distracting Drama.
    "That humanity... the whole species... came from us," Drama said.  "The
eight wingless.  Nightmare discovered life and death, and it was only
natural after that, I mean..."
    Lina stiffened.
    "The Talents didn't transfer over, and you guys aged when we didn't,
but... you were part of the wingless.  In a way.  We started the ball
rolling; our kids had kids and so on.  Don't ask me how it was possible,
but it happened," Drama said.  "And now, with the Lord of Nightmares
calling us back and giving you wings and Giga's drive to find humanity's
place... who knows what's gonna happen?  The Dragons and Mazoku are
probably having a fit right now.  I mean, who knows what's gonna happen to
ANY of us, wingless, human or otherwise?"

                                   [-*-]

     Two figures stood on a tall parapet of Sailoon Palace.  It wasn't a
place you could walk to, and climbing there would be insane.  But that was
okay; they weren't the sort of people who would need to do either.
    "You sure 'bout this?" the ugly, smelly bastard asked.  "I mean, HER?
I agree we need to enchant a human to send after these humans, you know,
'to catch a thief' and all, but..."
    "She is ideal for the cause," the Dragon said, watching her quarry
through a tiny castle window.  "She knows Lina Inverse.  She WANTS to help
her, and with coaxing, that cause is ours.  If we can't counter the
Talents, we can at least send in some cannon fodder which can worm by the
wingless's defenses, yes?"
    "Lady, if I go near that brat, I'm gonna get cavities," Bugger spat.
"And I likes my teeth the way they are.  I'll go get my OWN human to put
into the fray, thank yew very much.  Fair?"
    "Fair," Angela nodded.  "Twice as many chances to stop Lina."
    "That's the right way to see it," Bugger agreed.  "'course, knowin' my
luck, they'll both completely screw up and we'll have to take care of the
tart ourselves..."
    "Mazoku.  You're always so negative," Angela said, smiling with
perfectly straight teeth.  "Dragons choose to see things positively.  I
believe she will be a valuable asset."
    "Uh-huh.  Pull the other one, it's got bells on.  I'm heading off to
find MY pawn.  Have fun with yours."
    "And you," Angela nodded.  Bugger floated up, still standing, and
drifted off into the distance.
    His smell remained behind.
    "And you too," Angela warned.  The odorous gas took off after its
master.
    Angela sighed.  This was a very taxing endeavor.  But her nightmare
vision would not go away.  She had it again, last night; the laughing
figure, wearing the butterfly wings and leading the humans to destroy her
kind.  If anybody was to bring down the menace of Lina Inverse, it would be
her.  SHE would be the savior of the Dragons.  What a pleasant ring it
had...
    The transition into the castle went smoothly, Angela transporting
herself into the girl's private chambers.  She kept her wings well groomed
for the meeting, to give a good impression.  Most Dragons didn't like using
their wings in front of humans, but she felt they had a certain mysterious
air about them.
    She fluttered her wings briefly for effect, as her feet touched the
floor.
    "I bring thee greetings from the Dragons," she started.
    "AAA!  Intruder!" Amelia shrieked, sitting up in bed.
    That wasn't the reaction Angela wanted.
    She reached out, and used Enhance Calm on a mild setting to calm Amelia
down.  Hitting a great deal of hyperactivity that refused to quit, she
cranked up the spell to a more suitable level, until Amelia's eyes were
sufficiently glazed.
    "Now then... as I was saying," she began again.  "I bring thee
greetings from the Dragons.  There is a task we require your noble services
for, as you are Ameila wil Tesla Sailoon, champion of justice, princess of
Sailoon, light and holy warrior in the great crusades against evil."
    "Yes... that's me," Amelia said, a distant smile on her face.  "For
love and justice, I fight!"
    "Your friend is in danger," Angela said.  "Lina Inverse.  She is being
corrupted by ancient magic, led into a quest of terrible consequences for
all living things.  She must be stopped."
    Amelia's brain pulled itself up to sharper focus.  "Lina... Lina!  You
found her, Ms. Dragon?  I'll go alert Dayvid and we can get the royal
guard--"
    "No, this is a task for you alone, good Amelia," Angela warned, holding
up a hand.  "She is in great danger.  A large show of arms would alert her
corrupters to your presence.  No, you must go after her alone.  I will show
the way, the path of light towards your goal."
    "Alone?... but Dayvid wanted to go, since he's her friend sort of..."
Amelia said.
    "Do you require Dayvid to help you?" Angela asked.  She reached out,
twisting Amelia's sense of glory -- Angela's specialty magic.  "Truly, a
noble one such as yourself is capable of defeating the menaces of evil.
Are you not a warrior of justice, proud and true?"
    "I guess I don't NEED him..." Amelia smiled.  "And it would be so
wonderful to singlehandedly bring Lina home!  There would be a parade, and
a fanfare..."
    "And good Lina would be happy to know her friend came for her," Angela
added.  "And there would be a glorious homecoming feast, and your father
would be so proud."
    "I'll do it, miss!" Amelia promised, walking forward and bending on one
knee before the Dragon.  (Angela liked that touch; and she hadn't even
mentally suggested it!  What a human!)  "For the glory of Sailoon, for the
justice of the Dragons, I will not rest until poor Lina is brought back and
we can get her off those nasty drugs!"
    "Those what?" Angela slipped.  "I mean, yes, indeed you will.  But
before I bring you to her, I will give you a gift to aid in your quest..."
    Reaching into her robes of splendor, Angela retrieved a simple pen,
which she had enchanted earlier that evening...

                                   [-*-]

    Lina stepped out of the inn, to get some air.
    The problem with Kynese inns wasn't just that nobody knew the local
language except Myth.  It wasn't the cots that were as thick as your thumb
and about as much fun to sleep on.  It wasn't the strange food, either.  It
was the incense.
    The air was THICK with colored smoke, from various sticks of incense
being burned to ward off evil spirits.  The country didn't like having
weird foreigners like Myth, Lina and Gourry around; but they were also a
very polite people, it seemed.  Certainly, Lina's group could stay here,
for free, if they don't turn into devils and terrorize the village.  But to
make extra-sure that wouldn't happen, about sixty seven prayer sticks had
been toked up outside Lina's door, and the air in her room was nearly a
solidified mass.
    Drama's words were disturbing, to say the least.  After getting the
story out of him, he started to clam up and plead ignorance; Lina sealed
him away in his Man-Trap, then walked on out.  She was getting frustrated.
    What was going on here?  Why here, why this, why now?  The Lord of
Nightmares was using her, and she had no idea what for.  Not just her, but
all of humanity, if Drama was right; and had the Mazoku and Dragons started
to move?  Xelloss said in a dream that forces were starting to move.  Was
the debacle at Bigtop Bigtop the result of that?  Back at the castle, why
did.. WHAT WAS GOING ON?
    "AAARGH!" Lina growled, pulling her hair.
    "What?" Gourry asked, who had snuck up behind her.
    "Kyaa!" Lina yelped, turning.  "Don't do that!"
    "Do what?"
    "Surprise me," Lina said, turning to look away.
    "I was just wondering what you were doing out here," Gourry said
quietly.  "I didn't mean to upset you... umm.  Naga came around a few
minutes ago.  Myth told her what was going on..."
    "Don't tell me Naga's coming along with us too," Lina hypothetically
begged.
    "She hasn't decided.  I think she's pretty confused, I mean, she
doesn't remember anything about the castle, or about Drama... which is
weird, because we remembered it, right?  Right, Lina?"
    "I'm wondering where we'll go next," Lina said, evading the question.
"We've got no leads."
    "You do remember what happened, right?  I mean, before you screamed a
whole bunch and slapped me around--"
    "YES, I remember!!" Lina barked.
    Gourry took a few steps back defensively.  "...just checking..." he
mumbled.
    "None of this makes sense," Lina said, changing subjects.  "We're
tracking down all these yahoos, and for what?  Why can't someone just give
me a straight answer about this stuff?  It's like they're all a bunch of
Xellosses, and it's all a bunch of secrets!"
    "Umm... cheer up, Lina!" Gourry said, taking the opportunity to try and
get Lina's spirits up.  "After all, tomorrow's a better day, and, umm...
the light is always darkest at the end of a tunnel and you can't make a
silk purse out of a pig in a poke and stuff.  So keep that chin up, and the
sun'll come out tomorrow, because you're only a day away, right?"
    "We've got no leads," Lina repeated, tired.
    "I'm sure we'll find one!" Gourry exclaimed.  "I bet one is coming any
time now."
    "Yeah, like a message is going to drop out of the sky, reading 'There's
a wingless at So-and-so,'" Lina joked.
    A pigeon lighted on Gourry's head, cooing lightly.
    Lina blinked a few times to make sure she saw that.
    Surprised, Gourry reached up, and fetched the bird.  "That's strange.
I didn't know pigeons were indigenous to Ky."
    "They probably aren't.  We didn't see any on our last quest to this
continent-- wait, how do you know what indigenous means?!"
    Studying the bird, Gourry spotted a tiny note tied to its leg.  "Hey,
wow!  It's a messenger pigeon!  Looks like I've got mail."
    "But nobody knows where you ARE!" Lina reasoned.
    "So?" Gourry asked, unrolling the letter.  "My Uncle Ed runs a magical
courier pigeon service back home.  It's a franchise based out of Darata,
the latest thing; teleporting birds!  They can find you ANYWHERE!  Let's
see, this one says, 'Gourry.  Aunt Koirry is dead.  Come home.'"
    "Come on, Gourry.  Magic birds?  That's the stupidest....."
    The paper slipped out of Gourry's fingers, the light breeze catching
it.  It fluttered to a halt at Lina's feet.  Unbelieving, she picked it up,
and read it again : 'Gourry.  Aunt Koirry is dead.  Come home.'
    "Oh my..." Lina started.  "Geez, Gourry... I'm sorry.  I mean..."
    "Dead?" Gourry asked, confused.  The idea was about as comprehensible
to him as nuclear physics; something he grasped for and completely missed.
"Aunt Koirry?  But she was the healthiest... I mean... dead?  What?"
    Lina felt like a heel.  Here Gourry was, trying to cheer her up when
she was lost, and now she didn't have anything meaningful to say when HE
was dazed and confused.  She didn't even have a barrage of trite, cheesy
sayings, which, while not comforting would at least mean she wanted to make
the effort.  She did want to make the effort, but.. what to say?
    "I don't know what to say," Lina said truthfully.
    "I don't get it.  Aunt Koirry?" Gourry repeated.  "But.. I mean, of all
the people who could be... there's got to be some mistake here.  I'm sure
it's just a big misunderstanding.  It wouldn't be the first time."
    Now Lina was confused.  "What?"
    "Well, one time we thought Grandpa Mortimer was dead.  We had a big
wake and everything, until we heard knocking.  Turned out he was just
really sleepy."
    "I... don't think that's the case here, Gourry," Lina said.
    "If not, then.. Aunt Koirry really is gone, isn't she?" Gourry
recognized.  "She was my favorite aunt.  I mean, really.  She always would
talk to me, and she always had candy in her pockets and liked to smile more
than anyone else in the family..."
    "There's.. a Sub Way station right in your home town, right?" Lina
reminded.  She was thrown by this, but realized she had to stay positive
for Gourry.  "You can go visit.  We'll rest up for the night, and I'll have
Myth send you home tomorrow morning.  The quest isn't going anywhere right
now, anyway, and it's important that you be there."
    "Oh.  If it's okay with you, I'd like to go, then..." Gourry said.
    He did something Lina wasn't expecting.  He smiled.
    "Would you like to come, Lina?" Gourry asked.
    "Eh?" Lina asked.  "But it's your family, not mine... and it's a
funeral.. right?"
    "Actually, we have wakes in my family," Gourry said.  "It's a
Testabournian tradition.  When someone dies, it's a joyous passing, with
the whole family there to celebrate and support each other.  That way you
don't feel so bad, because you get to say last goodbyes in a happy way with
all your loved ones around you, and you know when you pass on the family
will do the same.  I bet Aunt Koirry would have liked you, too.  I know
her.  She wouldn't mind."
    "I wouldn't really want to get in the way..."
    "It's no problem, Lina.  Where would you go, anyways?  The quest would
be on hold until I got.... uh.  You do want me to keep questing with you,
right?"
    "What?  Yes, yes, of course, Gourry.  Why wouldn't I?"
    Remembering back to the castle...
    "No reason," he replied.
    "Okay, then.  Let's go... uh... celebrate your aunt's death!..?" Lina
halfheartedly cheered, hoping she was getting this right.
    "That's the spirit!" Gourry smiled.  "See?  I told you good things were
around the corner.  More or less."
    A polite knocking on the nearby doorframe alerted the two.
    The timid bardess peeked out of the inn.  "Umm... I just thought you
should know, Naga's asking to see you, Lina."
    "I'll take off for a bit," Gourry said, stretching out.  "I've got some
things to take care of."
    Lina cocked her head.  "Eh?  What things?"
    "Personal stuff," Gourry said, waving a little.  "I'll be back for
dinner.  Later, Lina."
    The swordsman stepped off the inn porch, and wandered aimlessly down
the street.  Lina was curious, definitely, but didn't think invading
Gourry's privacy was a good thing to do right now.  She turned, and nodded
to Myth, heading inside; but paused.
    "Actually... mind if I ask a question?" Lina asked.
    Myth seemed surprised.  "Huh?"
    "Drama was wondering why you didn't mention it," Lina said.  "The thing
about the wingless being the... parents of humanity, I guess.  Strange,
but... is that really true?"
    "Yeah... it is," Myth agreed.  "It was mostly Love and Reason that
started it.  Love because she loved the idea, Reason because of some
logical purpose... the others, I don't know why... it was a confusing time,
I mean... you know.  We were young and foolish..."
    "So all of you had human kids, then?"
    "I didn't," Myth quickly said.
    "Oh."
    "I wasn't interested," Myth added.  "I didn't want to, so I didn't do
anything.  Um, I need to go shopping for some writing supplies, since I'm
running out... excuse me."
    The bardess brushed past Lina, also wandering off aimlessly; in the
opposite direction as Gourry, without any real sense of purpose.
    Huh, Lina thought, doing some mental head scratching.  Then she
dismissed it.

                                   [-*-]

    Inside, Naga was helping herself to a large bottle of plum wine, and
looking very confused and angry.  She didn't care about the incense; after
the inn patrons heard her laugh for the first time, the number of
prayer-sticks outside her door tripled, but it didn't faze her.
    Despite difficulty breathing (and moving through the viscous air), Lina
stepped into Naga's room, and tried to wave some smoke out the window.
    "Your little friend there can really spin a yarn," Naga commented,
setting down her bottle.
    "It's.. a talent, I guess," Lina said.  "So... um.  Naga!  How are you
today?"
    "You would not believe the headache I have," Naga grumbled.  "First of
all, I don't think I've been fully conscious of myself since I met that guy
who was offering the job in a tavern at Sailoon.  I know a mind enchantment
when I feel one.  I hate them, they're so clumsily done."
    "You certainly were acting weird," Lina said.  "Heck, you even said you
were angry at me for sitting around Sailoon."
    "I am!" Naga barked.  "I mean, jeez!  Here we are, on the tails of a
really successful adventure, and I'm all hopped up and waiting for more
glory and fame and fortune and what do you do?  You become a hermit.
Honestly, Lina, if it wasn't for me staying around to keep you sane, you'd
probably go off and become a moisture farmer or something.  Or maybe you'd
get an APARTMENT and be a housewife!  Ugh!"
    "So why did you leave, if you were keeping me sane?" Lina asked.
    "I didn't know the freak's job offer meant personal security halfway
around the world, for starters," Naga said.  "I figured I could get a
questing job, maybe invite you along, we could enjoy some interesting
times... so I shake the man's hand, and everything gets nice and blurry.
Like walking in a dream.  Oh, by the way......."
    "Yeah?"
    "......." Naga continued.
    "Spit it out, Naga!"
    "Thanks," Naga bit off.  "Not that you deserve it, since you're
responsible for me accidentally falling prey to the forces of darkness in
the first place!... but thanks for the rescue, or something.  Hmph.  I
probably could have busted out on my own, you know--"
    "You're welcome," Lina smirked.
    "So.  You're clearly outside of Sailoon.  And from the lively
expression, you're off on another quest," Naga summarized.  "What is it
this time?  I hear the fabulous Jade Idol of Frat Hesti Orcalus is in
Ky..."
    Lina sighed, and had a seat on the floor, in front of Naga.  "No such
luck.  I'm on some mystical prophesied journey as mandated by the Lord of
Nightmares to gather up the first eight beings that ever existed."
    "OOOHOHOHHOHOOHOO!!" Naga laughed, playing along with the joke.  "No,
seriously, what are you up to?"
    "I am serious.  That's it.  Yes, it's weird, no I'm not lying."
    "Hmmmmm," Naga said, tapping her chin with a slender, gloved finger.
"Yes, that does sound serious, then.  You will require my presence,
naturally!  Without Naga the White Serpent, your strongest and most
powerful rival and ally and occasionally brainwashed enemy, where would you
be?"
    "Headed to Testabourne tomorrow to attend a funeral for Gourry's aunt,"
Lina said factually.
    "Oh.  Nevermind, then," Naga withdrew.  "I'll go look for the Jade Idol
instead."
    Lina wobbled, and fell over.  "What?!  After all that ab out keeping me
sane and being lost without your presence?!"
    "Oh, please, Lina.  I'm not going to go traipsing along on a BORING
quest," Naga said.  "Besides... I'm not one for funerals.  They irritate
me.  I only went to one in my life, truth be told... but that was more than
enough.  Will you be coming back this way again?"
    "Maybe... I don't know," Lina said.  "I don't actually know WHERE we're
headed after this."
    "Bah.  You really do need to be more organized!  I'll just catch up to
you after I find the idol, and I'll save your neck then," Naga prophesied.
    "Naaga!  You're in KY!" Lina blurted.  "You aren't exactly down the
street and around the corner, you're going to be on another CONTINENT!"
    "So?  Since when have small things like insurmountable distances and
requests to stay away stopped Naga the White Serpent?  OOOOHHOHHOOHOO!!!!
I'm not through with your tale yet, Lina!"
    Lina groaned.  She was afraid of that.  "Fine, fine.  You go and have
fun with your Flat Nestor Orhicalcon Idol."
    "That's Frat Hesti Orcalus," Naga corrected.
    "In fact..." Lina said, remembering something.  She dug around in her
backpack, fishing for some impulse buy she had made-- and found it, pulling
out a Y-shaped stick.  "Here, have a magical divining rod and instruction
booklet.  Just tell it what you want to find, and WHOOSH, off you go."
    "Bah!  I have no such need of those things," Naga said after grabbing
the magical toy like she was going for a lollipop, and leafing through the
instructions a little.
    "When'll you be going away?" Lina asked, getting to the important part.
    Naga corked her plum wine and stored it... somewhere in the depths of
her inventory, then rose to her feet.  "I shall take my leave now, so that
I may lessen the amount of time until we meet again.  Observe, my new
powers of teleportation!  FAREWELL, LINA!  OOOOHHOOHOHHOOHOHHOOOO!!!"
    In a flash of light, purple smoke began to engulf Naga, choking up the
room worse than it was previously; Lina coughed and wheezed, waving the
smoke away.  She looked left, right -- no Naga.  NAGA actually learned a
teleport spell?!
    But when Lina looked out the window, she realized the problem.
    "Naga, we're on the SECOND FLOOR, you know," she reminded the crumpled
sorceress, who was flat against the pavement below.  "Next time, don't jump
out the window without looking, okay?"

                                   [-*-]

    In Testabourne, where the weather is clement and the people are
honest as the day is long, there is a saying.  "You can always go home
again."  Yes, they heard that usually the phrase went 'never go home' but
didn't understand why, when family was where the heart was; and the food,
and the bed, and the money, and the chores, and the values and such.
    The Sub Way ride over to the country was uneventful.  Myth was
extremely hesitant to use the Ways again, after her last encounter.  The
only person who could convince her was Lina, who apparently now knew more
about the Ways than Myth did, who just rode them without trying to fiddle
with them.  She demonstrated how there wasn't a buildup of improper matter
in the flow buffer as spot-checked along the network links and route-traced
back to their point of origin.  Myth had no clue what any of that meant,
but figured Lina knew best, and off they went.  Large beasts failed to show
up along the way.
    As predicted, the Sub Way Station for Testabourne let off in the middle
of a stone circle, placed off to the side of a city park.  Quaint little
cottages and small businesses lined the paved streets, with horses going
cloppity-clop along the way.
    Gourry inhaled the faint smell of sea air.  "Ah.... home," he said,
relaxing immediately.  "New Piper's Cove.  It's good to be back.  I left
when I was fifteen, you know."
    "It's been awhile, then," Lina said.  "Do you think anybody will
recognize you?"
    "Hello, Gourry!" a passing pedestrian called out, waving.
    Politely, Gourry waved back.  "Hi, Mrs. Radinov!  How's the fortune
telling business?"
    "Oh, it'll be going strong for the next six years until the fire," Mrs.
Radinov simply said.
    "That's nice.  I'll see you later, okay?"
    "Okay!"
    And the gypsy woman walked off.
    "..." Lina said.
    And that wasn't the first one.  A butcher, a baker and a candlestick
maker were next up, each exchanging brief greetings with Gourry, as if no
time had passed.
    "Eating well, then?" the butcher asked.
    "Oh, definitely.  I've been having Meals Ready to Eat lately."
    "That's not very good nutrition," the baker responded.  "Come by the
shop later, I'll get you some good bagels and cream cheese.  Anything for
my old newspaper boy!"
    "So, who are your lady friends?" the candlestick maker inquired.
    "Oh, this is Lina.  She's a sorceress.  And that's Myth, she's a
bardess."
    "Lotta 'esses," the butcher guffawed.  "Ha!  Definitely foreigners,
then.  You're here for Koirry-san's wake, then?"
    "Uh-huh.  Are you attending?"
    "Attending?  I'm providing the pork cutlets!  It's going to be a full
spread of all her favorites."
    "Really?  Even the marinated ones?  I LOVE those!"
    And so the conversation degenerated into extremely small talk, until
all of them parted ways, business to attend to.  Gourry kept his smile up,
genuinely happy to be back.
    "Ah.. a very... friendly people," Myth said.  "I don't think I've been
in Testabourne recently."
    "Really?  When was your last visit?"
    "About... two hundred years ago," Myth said.  "It's progressed a lot.
I wasn't allowed to tell any stories here last time because I was a girl."
    "Ummmm..." Gourry said, thinking.  "That's actually still a law.  At
last check.  I don't think the Bard's Guild would give you a temporary work
pass.  You could tell stories on a non-paying basis, though, from what I
remember."
    "What about sorceresses?" Lina asked, curiously.
    "Same thing.  But don't worry, it's not like this place doesn't like
women working or anything," Gourry defended.  "Mrs. Radinov's got a great
fortune telling business.  And there's Osono the cook, and a few maids I
know, and some waitresses..."
    "I get the picture," Lina said.  "We're going to draw a lot of
attention dressed like this, aren't we?"
    "What makes you say that?"
    "The strange looks I've been getting-- there's one now," Lina said,
indication someone walking by, carrying groceries.  It wasn't much, just a
side glance which happened to linger a few moments too long for comfort...
and then eyes back on the sidewalk in front of him, like nothing happened.
"I take it seeing a sword and wizard's outfit or a bard's costume on women
is an oddity?"
    "Don't worry, don't worry," Gourry insisted.  "We'll be with my family
most of the time.  And they're not like most folks.  They're nice to
everybody!  Except Dad."

                                   [-*-]

    "I'm telling you, the reason why the economy is down is because those
Atlas City bastards keep sending their poor down here begging for jobs when
they should be sticking where they belong!" Mr. Gabriev ranted, little
specks of foam forming at his mouth.  "We should just stuff 'em all into
oxcarts and ship them back upstream where they belong, with the rest of--"
    "Oh, you don't mind Father, dear," Mrs. Gabriev smiled sweetly at
Lina.  "Would you like more lemonade?"
    Family life was scaring Lina.
    Her family was never... normal.  Her dad was a traveling salesman, and
the most she really remembered about him was that he had a mustache and
smelled like wagon parts.  Mother was a city councilwoman, and tended to be
off doing civic duties, leaving raising Lina mostly up to her older
sister.  Plus, there was magic practice, and small quests to get herself in
practice for later in life...
    The first thing that struck Lina upon entering the Gabriev household
was a plant.  Literally, because hanging ferns were EVERYWHERE, and she
didn't duck in time before noticing one.  Apparently, Gourry's mother had a
green thumb of sorts, and horticulture figured greatly in the decorations.
The house almost was a jungle.
    Despite that, the furniture was so... CLEAN.  Spotless.  The sofas had
not a crumb or fleck of lint, the shelves were dusted, the lemonade glass
sparkled.  Even the dirt in the plant potters was clean.  You could almost
smell the soap, through the thick odor of fern, and the occasional pocket
of smoke from one of Mr. Gabriev's cigars.
    Plus, Lina had to cope with Mr. Gabriev's occasional insanely paranoid
rant ("You know the government is keeping us from allocating tax money to
cheese fermentation where it belongs? The bastards!"), and crushingly
cheerful housewifey hostessdom from Mrs. Gabriev ("Oh golly gee, we're so
happy to see you!  Do you want a homemade oatmeal cookie?")
    Gourry fit in like a round peg in a round hole.  He was already on this
third glass of lemonade, and so far he hadn't even acknowledged his
father's rumblings.  And what's more, he was happily describing everything
they were doing in frightening detail.
    "So it seemed that there was this giant black monster inside the Sub
Ways, and it was trying to kill Myth here.  But I cut its arms off and Lina
sent it away," he said, in an uppity tone you might use to describe recent
game of baseball.
    "That's nice, dear," Mrs. Gabriev said, refilling Gourry's glass.  "So,
Miss Myth, you're one of the first beings that ever existed in the world?
That must be a very interesting occupation for a young lady, donchaknow.
You must get to travel a lot!"
    "Uh... uhh..." Myth babbled.  She lost her grip on the situation a half
hour ago.
    "Female bards!" Mr. Gabriev foamed.  "What's next, giving command of an
entire sailing ship over to a teenager or something weird like that?
SAUSAGES!  I WANT SAUSAGES, MILDRED!"
    Lina leaned over, to whisper to Mrs. Gabriev, casting a few nervous
glances at the elder Gabriev.  "Uh.. is he okay?"
    "Who, Father?" Mrs. Gabriev asked, at a normal conversational volume.
"Oh ya!  He's just had a wee bit too many of his pills today.  Normally,
he's much more talkative, yaknow."
    Gourry munched on a cookie.  "Mmm!  You've sure got a way with
asparagus and cookie dough, mom."
    "I knew they were your favorite," Mrs. Gabriev glowed.
    Lina felt vaguely ill.
    "So, what are the arrangements for Aunt Koirry's wake?" Gourry asked,
casually.
    "Weeeell, we got most of the family together.  Couple of your cousins
couldn't make it, and your sister's off with Adam who knows where, but I
bet she's happy, so that's good.  Most of your aunts and uncles will be
here.  Oh, if only your Grandpa Raudy -- mayherestinpeace -- could be here
to see this.  Or Grandpa Mortimer."
    "Ma, Gramp Mortimer isn't dead.  He was just sleepy."
    "Oh!  Oh, how my mind wanders," Mrs. Gabriev giggled.  "I forgot, he's
going to be there, ya."
    "I was wondering... can I deliver the eulogy?" Gourry asked.  "I'm not
much of a writer, but maybe I could say something good for Aunt Koirry.  We
were pretty close."
    "Ya, you were.. I remember you always liked to spend time over at Aunt
Koirry's when she lived in town."
    "Ma, she never moved out of New Piper's Cove," Gourry reminded.
    "Oh deary me!  I had forgotten.  Ya!  Uncle Ned bought her house,
yaknow.  Probably going to put up a family shrine there or something..."
    Lina started looking for the nearest exit.
    It wasn't that Gourry's family was mean, or unpleasant to be around.
It was just... weird.  Weird to her, since she never really saw family as
being much other than a few people who happen to be living together, and
here was Gourry rapping away with his mother as if nobody else in the room
existed.  Lina felt like a fifth wheel.  Maybe coming along to the wake
wasn't the best of ideas--
    "So, Lina, are you Gourry's new girlfriend?" Mrs. Gabriev said, from
out of a blue so blue that you could hurt your eyes just looking at it.
    Lina, who had poured enough lemonade down her throat to be feeling
severe bladder discomfort, came very close to losing control.  "What?!"
    Gourry turned slightly red.  "Uh, mom--"
    "Oh, he was quite a ladies' man in his early days!  Such a handsome
boy," Mrs. Gabriev said, patting Gourry on the head.  "Why, girls were
lined up around the block to hit the town with him!  He didn't do much
actual dating, yaknow, but he always was so polite with them.  Are you two
going steady?"
    Lina talked without thinking.  "NO!  We've just been going on quests
for the last few years, not--"
    "Oooh, partners, then!" Mrs. Gabriev said.  "I always said that was the
right way for Gourry to go, off to find his fortune with a nice girl to
help him along the way, just like that very nice whatsername.  Isn't that
right, dear?"
    "Stupid newspapers wouldn't believe me, but it was ALIENS, I tell you!"
Mr. Gabriev blurted, not exactly connected to this plane of reality at the
moment.
    "Well, your father agrees, in spirit," Mrs. Gabriev concluded.
    "Whoa.  Hold!  Stop!  Halt!" Lina demanded, waving her arms madly.
"Gourry and I aren't dating or going steady or an item or partners!  He's
just traveling with me for... look, we go on adventures for profit and fun,
and.. that's it!  Is that clear?"
    "Oh ya, definitely clear," Mrs. Gabriev said, her smile unchanging.
"So, have you kissed yet?"
    "AAAAAA!!!!" Lina yelled, little veins starting to stick out on her
forehead.  "I SAID, we are not dating!  What part of 'not' didn't you
get?!"
    "Ne, Lina, Lina, calm down!  It's okay, mom didn't mean any insult..."
Gourry said, trying to coax Lina's blood pressure down to normal levels.
"Um.  I think I'll go show Myth and Lina around town now!  Mom, can you
make sure the guest room is ready for Myth -- and Lina -- when we get
back?"
    "Ya, sure.  Have fun, girls!" Mrs. Gabriev smiled.
    "I'm scared of small birds and gravity," Mr. Gabriev said quietly in
farewell.

                                   [-*-]

    A sphere of magic, patterns of light swirling across its surface like
refracted light from a soap bubble, cruised across the great circle sea at
speeds which would crush most men.
    But the human occupant of the bubble wasn't concerned of a little thing
like converting your internal organs to paste.  She was busy rubbernecking,
looking at the amazing landscape, and this amazing spell.
    "WOW!  I didn't know Raywing could have such power!" Amelia said for
the fifteenth time that day.  "Whenever I use it, the best I can do is a
form fitting shield and a speed much slower than this.  Dragons must be
really powerful!"
    "Yes, we are," Angela replied, a little tired of Amelia's enthusiasm.
    Perhaps she went overboard this time.  Although Amelia was ideal, in
that her desire to help Lina outmatched that of the rest fo the human
population, she was.. irritating.  Cute.  No style or glamor, simply
excessive spunk and adorable naivety.  This was the pawn she had chosen to
play?
    And what's more, she had to show a FAILING in front of this human.
They were cruising hard and fast, headed for Ky, which was where Lina was
last seen according to the Dragon's network of information gathering
persons.  But now, she was also being reported in Testabourne!  Angela
received notification telepathically, and had to change course, nearly
doubling back completely.  Such a waste of time, and to show that she was
not 100% in control of the situation when she needed that aura of
mysterious power...
    But Amelia hadn't noticed the error.  There were a few 'Are we there
yet?' protests, and Angela was considering threatening to turn this bubble
right back around if she didn't stay quiet, but otherwise it was running
smooth.
    "So, how should I find Lina?" Amelia asked.
    "I'm sure she will stick out in Testabourne," Angela said.  "Women with
swords or sorceress costumes tend to be obvious there.  You may want to
consider going in plain clothes."
    "In Cog Nee To again!  Oh boy!"
    "Then, when the time is right, use the powers I have granted you to
help you sneak Lina away from her bad influences.  I will take you both to
Sailoon, where we can work together to fix her," Angela said, truthfully.
    "I'm excited!" Amelia said.  "Hey, can a Dragon send a message to
someone?  I want Dayvid to know I'm okay.  He's probably going to be
worried--"
    "Dayvid can't know about this," Angela warned.  "We need to be quiet,
and subtle.  The plan will work swiftly, if you play your part, and we will
be back before he can grow too much concern."
    "Are you sure?"
    "I am a Dragon, a creature of benevolence and the preservation of life,
a champion for goodness and justice," Angela reminded her.  "Are you
questioning me?"
    "Uh... no, I guess not," Amelia said.
    With some doubt, Angela noted.  This one may need an eye kept on her.

                                   [-*-]

    Sun started to set, over the sparkling blue waters of New Piper's
Cove.  It really was a sight to behold, especially from the extremely
unstable roof shingles on the Warrior's Guild.
    In fact, that was the only thing preventing Lina from going all
gosh-wow over the view; that whole misplaced footing, sliding off the
sharply angled roof and splattering on the sidewalk below like a bushel of
overripe tomatoes thing.  Gourry didn't seem to have any problem at all
with the precarious position, which he earlier declared 'The best place to
look at stuff', before dragging Lina along; Myth elected to stay on the
ground and not die.
    "Okay, you see that tall, cone-shaped building over there?" Gourry
said, pointing across the city.
    "Yeah," Lina said, when she meant to say "Let's get downstairs before I
wet my pants."
    "That's the Sorcerer's Guild," Gourry said.  "My cousin Portroy went
there, but he had to drop out.  He was allergic to magic, apparently; every
time he tried to cast a spell he'd go into this horrible sneezing fit...
it's a shame, it was all he ever talked about as a kid.  I think he's
working as a research guy and teacher now, just knowing stuff about magic.
He'll probably be at tomorrow's wake.  Maybe you two could talk shop?"
    "Maybe," Lina said, instead of "He'd probably collapse with red spotted
hives if he came within two steps of me, considering what I've been through
lately."
    "Now, that low flat building there... that's where I went to school,"
Gourry said.  "Alex St. John Elementary.  It was a good school, and I had a
lot of friends but I'd always get in trouble with them because of how I
acted.  I'm really not like a lot of people here, you know.  Aunt Koirry
always told me I should be nice to everybody.  I mean, in Testabourne
everybody means 'everybody that we can approve of' I think, according to
her, but she really meant everybody everybody.  I know my Uncle Jack really
had a problem with that kind of thing, and when he went out on the SS
Hindentanic to trade goods with natives on uncivilized islands, he got
killed from trying to swindle them and auntie said that wouldn't have
happened if he really understood 'everybody'.... ne, Lina?  Are you okay?"
    "Huh?" Lina asked, distracted.
    "I really don't mean to bore you or anything..."
    "No, no... it's not that," Lina said.  "It's this roof.  It's dangerous
up here, you know."
    "Awww, I've never fallen off.  You just need good balance," Gourry
said, waving his arms around to demonstrate.  "My sister Farry used to like
to climb up here, and she'd always drag me along.  Maybe you just get used
to it."
    "You've got an.. interesting family," Lina said.  "How do you stay
sane?"
    "Huh?"
    "You... okay, look.  When I was growing up, mom and pop were always out
doing stuff and big sister had a job.  And I didn't have six thousand
uncles, aunts and cousins running around," Lina explained.  "But you do.
And somehow, you manage to remember and keep track of them all when
sometimes you have trouble trying to remember how to buckle your armor!
Plus, they're all... I don't want to be insulting, but... they're
weirdoes!  I feel bad about blowing up at your mother like that, by the
way, but... come on, Gourry, even you have to admit that normal people
don't have that many quirks."
    "Oh, they're a little eccentric, but nothing bad," Gourry conceded.
"We all get along, and we care about each other.  That's what counts in
family, right?"
    "Mom always said family was there for you to borrow money from," Lina
said, before realizing how that sounded.
    "Uh.. well, there's that too," Gourry said.
    "Mom and Dad were always so cheap.  I always had to borrow money from
big sis when I wanted to get toys or candy or magic books or anything,"
Lina complained, talking to herself more or less.  "And they never really
were around the house, although neither was I, since I was usually off on
quests and stuff... not much, just looking for lost dogs for the
neighborhood kids, or maybe practicing magic... but did they even notice?
Probably not."
    "Sounds like you had some fun times as a kid, though, right?" Gourry
asked, hoping to point out the good side of things.
    "I guess.  But you'd think they could've at least paid the ransom,"
Lina grumbled to herself.
    "Ransom?"
    Lina paused.  "No, I said... rancid.  Rancid meat.  We had that for
dinner every now and then."
    Looking up, a posture that allowed more blood to flow into Gourry's
brain, he thought about that.  "How does one pay meat?  I don't
understand."
    "Let's head back," Lina said, getting to her feet.  "It's late, and we
could all use some reeeWHOA!"
    The tile under Lina's foot slipped away, and she started to tumble off
the roof.  Gourry was there in a flash, reaching for her as the two went
over the edge--
    And hovered.
    Lina flapped her wings and tried to ignore the fact that she was
flapping her wings.  They worked better that way.
    "Don't... look down," Lina helpfully suggested to Gourry, who was
clinging to her waist, and carefully floated the pair of them down to
street level.  She looked left and right to make sure nobody saw that, and
confident, folded up her wings and wished them away.
    Myth looked up at the two from a nearby cafe, surprised, her teacup
paused in midair.
    "Nice of you to.. drop in?" she attempted to joke.
    "Ha ha," Lina laughed.  "C'mon, let's book.  Thanks, Gourry."
    "Uh, don't mention it," he said, not exactly sure if he saved HER, or
if she saved HIM.

                                   [-*-]

    Sleeping like a rock, Lina had a number of interesting, but
non-scary dreams.  There was the one about flying penguins strafing a horse
she was riding with acorns, before the entire group started a tap dance
number; surreal, and one she'd had a few times before, but didn't feel like
decoding it because it was probably one of those dreams that only LOOKED
like it meant something.  There was the usual ones of her flying, wings
fluttering behind her, but they weren't anything special.  She had another
one of Xelloss in her closet back in Bigtop Bigtop, and this time he was
saying something about how important it was for her to pay attention to
some news he had, but she ignored him and went back to play with the
penguins.
    Waking up, yawning, stretching.  Breakfast of bagels, delivered by
Gourry's friend the baker.  Out in the back yard, Gourry and a few of
cousins (Marvin, Duke, Robby and Zelphasonial, who was adopted) were busy
setting up folding chairs and a table full of food donated by the locals.
Lina gagged on her bagel when they cheerfully wheeled in a large coffin on
a squeaky-wheeled table.  They parked it by the barbecue grill.
    "Do you think she would have liked that grain of rosewood?" Mrs.
Gabriev was asking, similar to asking if you like her hair better up or
down.  "We weren't too sure, but it was the best in our price range
yaknow..."
    "Uh... I think she would have liked it," Lina said automatically, and
turned AWAY from the window to keep eating.

                                   [-*-]

    The guests started to arrive midmorning.  Sometimes one at a time,
sometimes in small groups.  They would congregate around the food, or
nearby a box containing the mortal remains of Aunt Koirry -- now decorated
with a painting Little Joey of her, or possibly of a bobcat.  Gourry chose
to hang out with Lina and Myth, and tell them who everybody was as they
came in.
    There was Cousin Bill Ray, who Gourry spent a summer modifying a '34
Sairaag Coaster with Clarksdale mare with.  They added on fins, and painted
really cool flames down the side before Bill Ray sold the thing to buy a
restaurant.
    Uncle Zardoz (real name Marvin, but he preferred Zardoz) was here,
choosing to wear his full ceremonial robes from the 34th Order of Power,
Testabournian Sorcerer's Guild.  He had volunteered to bring the body back
to life using his phenomenal cosmic powers, but everybody remembered That
Zombie Incident and politely denied him permission.
    There was also Grandma Lourry, or at least a shriveled up husk that
might have been her, wheeled into the backyard by an unidentified second
cousin.
    "Grandma, this is Lina Inverse, my questing companion," Gourry
introduced.
    "EH?!!  CAN YOU SPEAK UP A BIT, SONNY?!!"
    "THIS IS LINA INVERSE!  SHE'S MY COMPANION!  WE FIND MAGIC ARTIFACTS
AND STUFF!!!"
    "You don't have to yell," Grandma whined.  "My poor old ears.  How mean
to do that to your granny."
    "Oh!  Sorry, Grandma, I--"
    "WHAT?  I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
    Thankfully, the second cousin wheeled her to a nice spot in the shade
after that.
    And more relatives came, and still more after that.  Soon, the yard was
full; and this wasn't some postage stamp of grass, the plot of land was
probably three times as large as the house.  Lina hoped they had set up
enough chairs.  Or that Cousin Lenny, who had That Problem With Fire,
wouldn't torch them, at least...
    Myth wasn't having a fun time.
    "Ughhh... my head," she complained.  "There's too many stories here.
How is it possible for this many people in one family to echo this strong
with narrative?  Gourry, do you have any aspirin?"
    "In the house there.  Ask mom for some," Gourry recommended.  Myth
thanked him, and limped painfully off.
    "How could your family be this large?" Lina asked.  "I mean... someone
must be casting fertility spells willy nilly here.  It's not natural."
    "They're not all family," Gourry reminded.  "There's plenty of friends
here too.  I'm surprised more of my friends didn't show, but I guess a lot
of them moved out after we finished schooling.  Like Bruiser on the school
Bonkers team, or that wily guy with the glasses whose name I always
forgot..."
    Lina scanned the crowd of mostly blonde-haired Gabrievs, and various
small businessmen here to supply condolences and food, and so on... and
spotted a strange face.
    "Who's that?" she asked, pointing.
    "Oh, that's just Angie," Gourry said.  Then did a double take.
"ANGIE?!"
    The girl at the yard's gate looked around too, also looking for
something.  She didn't resemble any of the girls in pretty dresses who were
here; she had on some light armor, and there was a short sword on her belt,
tucked away in her cape to be non-obvious.  Her hair also wasn't long and
ponytailed, or styled, or curled; it was short and straight and very red.
    When she spotted Gourry, though, a big happy feminine smile popped up.
"Gourry-chan!"
    "Angie-chan!" Gourry greeted.  She ran over, and they struck up a
conversation of 'I haven't seen you in's and 'how have you been's and
'gosh, it's been so long's and such, all running over each other until a
pile of words was up to their knees.
    "Uh.... who's this?" Lina asked, interrupting.
    "Huh?  OH!  Oh, jeez!  I forgot to introduce you two," Gourry said,
embarrassed.  "Angie, this is Lina.  I'm going on quests and stuff with
her... um.  And Lina, this is Angie, she's a good friend of mine."
    "Quests?  Really?" Angie asked, surprised.. if not a little shocked.
"Well, that's great... it's good to see Gourry's making a name for himself
out there.  It's not easy for us swordspeople to find work, you know.  I...
wait.  Lina INVERSE?"
    Lina swallowed.  "Ah... you've heard of me?"
    "The Enemy of All Who Live?"
    "Hey, that's a very undeserved moniker," Lina said.  "I just hunt
bandits.  Perfectly reasonable occupation."
    "Is she really as terrible as everybody says she is?" Angie asked
Gourry.  "You know, casually destroying whole villages and summoning Mazoku
and extorting money and--"
    "HEY!"
    "--not that I mean anything bad, just... rumors and all..." Angie
quickly apologized.
    "Naw, Lina's not all that bad," Gourry said.  "Even when she hits me
every now and then!"
    "..." Angie replied.
    Across the yard, someone rang the traditional Gabriev Family Dinner
Bell.
    "Oh, the ceremony's going to begin," Gourry said.  "We'd better get to
our seats!"
    Angie gave Lina one more confused and concerned glance, before turning
sharply away and walking to a seat, somewhere far off.

                                   [-*-]

    Father Reverend O'Gnarly led the group in a prayer of some kind, which
Lina fumbled her way through.  She knew about religion as an idea, or as an
organization that sets up temples with cool stuff to take, but never really
practiced at it.
    Myth, who was seated next to her, was giggling under her breath and
nodding off occasionally through the opening remarks.  Confused, Lina asked
Mrs. Gabriev what was wrong.
    "Oh, the dear just took some of Father's medication by accident," Mrs.
Gabriev whispered.  "Don't you worry, she'll be fine in a few hours."
    There was a recital of a popular song that Aunt Koirry really liked,
which was titled 'What Do We Do With A Drunken Sailor'.  This did not
strike anybody except Lina as odd.
    One of the cousins recited a poem for her.
    "K is for Candy, which she liked to give to me and my friends," he
spoke.  "O is for O no, she's dead.  I is for I think that means we have to
buy our own candy.  R is for how really much I'll miss her.  R is also for
how really much I'll miss her.  Y is for the Letter Y.  Thankyou."
    Polite applause.
    Finally, it was time for Gourry's eulogy.  He took the podium, pausing
a bit to organize his thoughts, and a minute later came up talking.
    "I was gonna write some stuff down, but I'm not a writer," Gourry
said.  "So I hope you don't mind if I'm not as poetic as Cousin Ed there.
Good job, Ed, by the way."
    Ed grinned proudly.
    "Aunt Koirry touched all of us," Gourry said.  "And we felt stuff,
too.  She was really nice to everybody.  And when she meant everybody, she
meant everybody.  Girls, boys, young, old, stupid, smart, bad, good, you
know... all those opposite-things.  She liked them all.  And she always
tried to teach me that you shouldn't think anybody should be any way just
because you think they should be that way.  Um.  And that's good because my
friends always thought the other way, and I really didn't like a lot of
them because of that, because they weren't fun to hang around when they
were always being mean.  But Aunt Koirry wasn't like that."
    He paused to take a drink of water.
    "You know, actually, I met a guy awhile back who was a bit like me,"
Gourry said.  "Except he was a real jerk.  And sometimes I think maybe he
needed an Aunt Koirry of his own when he was a kid.  Then maybe he wouldn't
have been sacrificed to a demon.  And he could've even had my Aunt Koirry
if he wanted, because she wouldn't have minded sharing and neither would
I.  But he can't now of course because he's dead and so's she.  But really,
she isn't dead.  I mean, she is, but not really because I still remember
her and so do the rest of you.  We can still remember the stuff she said
and the things she did.  Sometimes I think I can still hear her."
    There was a soft knocking sound.
    "It's almost like she never left us," Gourry continued.  "I just don't
feel like she's gone, not in my heart.  And that's what counts."
    'excuse me?' a voice inside the coffin said.
    Everybody inhaled.  Lina fell out of her chair.
    A hand pushed the lid open from inside, and a woman in her forties
peeked out.  "Whoa.  What's going on?"
    Gourry's gears strained, trying to turn in the opposite direction.
"Umm... it's your wake?"
    "Wake?" Aunt Koirry asked.  "But I was just really sleepy.  Didn't
anybody think to take a pulse?"
    A lot of people in the crowd started to look embarrassed, and studied
anything except the sound mind and body.
    Aunt Koirry noticed the spread of food.  "Hey, are those pork cutlets?
Great!... awww, come on, guys.  No need for the long faces.  I could never
be angry over such a silly mix up.  Let's PARTY!!"
    After an awkward pause, one of the random cousins stood up to cheer,
"PARTY!!!" and off they were, everybody on their feet hugging in relief and
chatting and getting some food.  A few family members went up to say hello
to the body and have a good laugh about it all.
    Lina, from her sideways vantage point on the ground, was panicking.
"Wait.  WHAT?  She's alive?  And... and everybody's partying?  It doesn't
make sense!   None of it makes sense!!"
    "Aww, come on, Lina," Gourry said, crouching down to smile at her.
"Mistakes happen.  Besides, I TOLD you that maybe she was just asleep, like
Grandpa.  Let's make the best of it!  Do you want any pork?
    That's when Lina decided maybe having such a distant family back home
wasn't THAT bad of a thing.

                                   [-*-]

    Aunt Koirry lived up to the hype, and more.  She swiftly got oriented
to the situation, and was already making jokes about it all no less than
two minutes out of the casket.
    She was, at best, a plain woman.  But she had this weird charm about
her that instantly made you feel comfortable talking to her; maybe it was
the wide smile, or the hearty but not obnoxious laugh.  Or her ability to
switch between highly attentive listening and speaking her mind at the drop
of a hat.
    The party was in full swing, when she joined Lina and Myth.  Myth was
just starting to come down from her chemical high, and occasionally bumped
her head against lucidity; Lina was playing a wallflower, not sure how to
mix with these loons, and content to just sip some punch and watch the
world go by.
    "Hey, is this seat taken?" Aunt Koirry asked, grabbing a chair near
Lina, turning it around and straddling.  "Hi.  You're Lina, right?"
    "Ah.. right, that's me.  Lina Inverse.  Not the Enemy of All Who Live,
that's some other Lina Inverse," Lina warned.
    "I've heard of you," Auntie smiled.
    "Oh, great... what did you hear?"
    "I heard how you saved the entire city of Sairaag in some incident a
long time ago," Aunt Koirry said.  "And how you stopped some demon that was
inside the Red Priest, and how you got rid of a lot of bandits that were
terrorizing towns.  Even ones near Testabourne.  You're a real heroine,
Lina."
    Lina was surprised.  "That's what you heard?  None of the stories about
blowing things up, or--"
    "Oh, I heard those too.  But you also did a bunch of good stuff," Aunt
Koirry said.  "And anybody can accidentally blow up a village.  Sometimes,
I wonder if luck just has it in for poor villages, sometimes; did you hear
about the covered wagon park down south and the tornado?  Sad story, but it
just goes to show.  And who's your friend here?"
    "Sometimes I like bread and butter," Myth giggled.
    "That's My..Miss," Lina said.  "She's writing down my recent
adventure.  Sorry if she's a little out of it."
    "My brother in law's medicine, I get you," Auntie nodded.  "Accidents
happen.  I'm sure she's a very nice person, though.  It must be exciting
being a writer, huh, miss?"
    "I see familiar people in strange corners of unknown rooms," Myth
said.  "Hee.  I wrote that once.  I think..."
    "Look... Auntie... um.  Can I ask a straight question?" Lina asked,
glancing left and right, to make sure she wasn't being overheard.
    "Sure.  I prefer straight questions," Aunt Koirry said.  "Fire away."
    "What's WRONG with these people?"
    "There's some elf blood in the line, resulting in a bit of
absent-mindedness, but a lot of luck and charisma," Koirry started to
explain, not even batting an eye.  "Plus a great great great grandfather
was a philosopher of peace and light, and his teachings got passed down the
female side of the family, which merged with a similarly minded family a
long time ago.  It got mixed into the family traditions, which weren't
shaken even when they moved into Testabourne and started to mesh in.
Strays taken into the group added more chaotic elements, which is very
normal for humankind, and as a result you've got a very unusual family.  I
really like them, though; they're more fun than most people I've known.
You know I'm adopted, right?"
    "Uhh... no.  I did not know that."
    "I fit right in, though," Aunt Koirry said, leaning over her chair,
towards Lina.  "It's a good family.  Are you going to be joining any time
soon?"
    Usually Lina would smack people or yell when asked that, but... it
wasn't the right response for this person.  Instead, she blushed.  "No.  I
mean.. no.  It's not in my agenda.  And such."
    "I think you should tell Angie that, then," Kourry said, glancing off
to the side -- Lina glanced too, and spotted the redhead swordsperson
bearing down on her.  "Good luck."
    "But--"
    Aunt Koirry was gone, off to chat with some of her relatives.
    "Lina, can I have a word with you?" Angie asked, very businesslike.

                                   [-*-]

    Leaving Myth to babble to a second cousin who thought she was a 'funny
lady', Lina walked around to the side lot of the house, Angie leading her
with purpose.  The din of the party was quieted down here, in the shadow of
the homestead.
    "Sooo... what's up?" Lina asked.
    Without hesitating, Angie drew her sword, holding it out in a
well-trained battle stance.  "I'll fight you for Gourry, if I have to, Lina
Inverse!  I'm not afraid of you!"
    Lina took three steps back.  "Fight?  What??"
    "I don't like the way you're treating him!" Angie said.  "He deserves a
nicer girl than I've heard YOU are.  And you shouldn't be hitting him,
because he's a very nice man and doesn't mean to put his foot in his mouth
and call people flat chested or anything, and... and HAVE AT YOU!"
    Angie advanced, swinging; Lina had her own blade out, parrying in a
hurry.
    "Hold up!  There's been a misunderstanding!" Lina claimed, parrying two
more strikes and ducking a third.  "I don't.. HAVE Gourry!  Not in any way
whatsoever!  We're just partners--"
    "What KIND of partners?" Angie asked, withdrawing a moment, but not
dropping her guard.
    "The blowing-stuff-up-and-getting-rich kind.   That's it!... you were
his girlfriend, weren't you?" Lina asked, remembering Mrs. Gabriev's
words.  "Whatsername?"
    "He was the ONLY boy who didn't laugh when I said I wanted to learn
swords," Angie said.  "He even helped me hide under Mrs. Radinov's porch
when a bunch of them were gonna beat me up... he..."
    "I can clear this up right now, then.  I'm not Gourry's girlfriend.  He
doesn't feel that way about me, and nothing is going on intentionally,"
Lina said, lowering her butterfly sword.  "Okay?"
    "Why'd he leave?" Angie asked.  She might not have been asking Lina.
"He wanted to seek his fortune, but... he could have sought it with me.  I
was pretty well trained by then, it's not like I wouldn't have been any
help.  Why didn't he ask me to come with him?"
    "Did you ask him?" Lina hazarded.
    Angie twiddled her fingers nervously, all thoughts of skewering herself
a sorceress gone.  For the moment.  "No... I mean, I didn't want to push
him... we were both young, and I was nervous--"
    "Look, this is.. REALLY something you should be settling with him, not
me," Lina said.  "Can I go now, with my liver intact?  I'm really not
involved, I swear.  Really.  Okay?"
    Angie said nothing, just looking pensive.  Lina decided maybe sneaking
back to the party, where she couldn't openly be sliced and diced without
someone noticing would be a good idea.  She crept away.  Then she decided
to immediately get some kind of alcoholic beverage; she couldn't take this
party sober any longer.  It was just too absurd.
    It WAS an absurd thought, she rationalized.  That she was Gourry's
"Partner."  Where did people come up with this stuff?

                                   [-*-]

    "So I don't know what to do..." Gourry told his aunt.  "I mean... it
happened, right?  And I don't know anything about magic, but what if it...
WASN'T all some weird mind control thing?"
    Aunt Koirry thought about this.  "Some guy named Drama got you to kiss
Lina?"
    "Uh-huh."
    "And now you're beginning to think about it more."
    "...a bit," Gourry said.  "I mean, I can't talk to Lina about this,
she'd beat me up and step on me and call me names!"
    "Not a good thing," Koirry agreed.
    "I'm not saying I lo... I laaaah... I luu... I'm not saying anything in
particular," Gourry reminded.  "Just that it's got me thinking.  Why would
I do that?  Can it really just be magic?  How do I feel?"
    "How do you feel?" Koirry asked curiously.
    "I don't know.  Do you?"
    "Gourry, I don't read minds."
    "But you always knew how I felt before..."
    "Maybe, but I didn't tell you how you felt.  Only you can tell you
that," Koirry said.  "But I can help you recognize it.  I mean, that's fair
enough.  You've been traveling with Lina for several years now.  How do you
feel about that?  The time?"
    Gourry thought hard.  You could almost see the smoke coming out of his
ears.
    "I... I think it was good," Gourry said.  "We did a lot of stuff.  And
it was dangerous, but it was for a good cause."
    "So if you could, you'd do it all again?"
    "Oh, sure.  If I didn't, everybody on the planet would be dead," Gourry
said, smiling big.
    "Now, how do you feel about being with Lina for that many years?"
Koirry said, expanding her original question just a little...
    "It's not bad.  She can be mean, but she also can be pretty nice.  And
she's very interesting and gets into a lot of interesting situations.  And
we've got a lot of friends."
    "You're traveling with Lina, though.  Not her friends."
    "I'm not?"
    "Did you ever go anywhere WITHOUT Lina?" Aunt Koirry asked.  "That's
the thing.  Sure, the friends come and go, but does Lina ever leave?"
    "Uh........ no."
    "And why do you think that is?"
    "I dunno," Gourry said.  "She doesn't usually talk about it.  She gets
mad if I say anything about the k.. what happened at the castle, by the
way."
    Aunt Koirry sighed.  Not in frustration, or in annoyance; just a
sympathetic gesture.  "This is not an easy thing, Gourry.  You could always
just ignore what happened, write it off to magic and go on like you always
have.  Lina's probably going to try that.  Do you want to do that too?"
    "...yes.  A bit.  I mean, it'd be easier."
    "Then definitely don't," Koirry said.  "The easy way out isn't always
the best one.  In fact, the way is usually very hard, and sometimes doesn't
work out, but that's what makes it so special.  You're just going to have
to--"
    An uncle wandered over.  "Gourry?  Your friend Lina's standing on the
dessert table singing.  I think she's gotten a bit drunk."
    Aunt Koirry peeked over the crowd, at the loud, red-faced sorceress.
"We'll talk about this later, when we have more time, Gourry.  I think Lina
needs you right now."
    "Oh no... Lina!  Put the cat down!" Gourry yelped, threading his way
through the crowd.
    Aunt Koirry watched him go, with a little smile.  She slipped around
the house, to check up on something else.
    Angie was nowhere to be found.  She had left the premises.
    "Poor girl," Koirry commented to herself.  "Still can't admit it to
him.  Well, that's Love for you."

                                   [-*-]

    Nighttime settled over New Piper's Cove.  The hyperextended family
partied on regardless, but clearly was showing some signs of slowing; a few
cousins had to go home since it was past their bedtimes, uncles had the
evening paper to read, and so on.  Leaving was no easy task, involving at
least fifteen minutes of wandering around to find all the people you wanted
to say goodbye to, and the inevitable smalltalk that gets squeezed in
before reaching the exit.
    Lina was having no truck with that.  She started sipping some of the
ale keg that had been brought in in order to get her mind off her
frustration over everybody and their dog thinking she was Gourry's red hot
lover, but didn't read the label on the cask she was drinking from.  As a
result, she went from sober to wasted in about five minutes, from Great
Aunt Melba's Shortcut Chaser, famous in the area for those who wanted to be
smashed in a hurry, without all that messy drinking or paying money for
tankard after tankard.  Lina's low body weight didn't help matters, keeping
her nicely sloshed for the rest of the evening, with Gourry nervously
trying to keep her under control.
    "An' when I WENT to show him the grade, he wennan shaid, 'That'sh
nishe.'  NISHE??  I gotta aye plus on the painting an all he hadda say wash
NISHE?!" Lina gurgled, squatting in a little dejected corner of the yard,
with Gourry attempting to keep her company.
    Currently, she was busy ranting about her own family, after telling
Gourry that "his family wash a bunch of loonies who oughtta be locked inna
padded cell" and "he wash damn lucky to have nishe people who gave a damn,
dammit".  Maybe it was ironic justice that Gourry be on the receiving end
of horrific blood relation tales, instead of the other way around.
    "Uh... what was it a picture of?" Gourry asked.
    "Wash me shtompin' a bunch of evil bad nasty mean bandits!!  An' it was
a great picture even if I ran outta red for the blood and hadda switch to
purple," Lina said.  "An all DAD hadda say was that it wash 'nishe'.  He
never even lookedatit!  Just sorta tossed that off while readin' the
bushinesh papersh!  One of the few timesh he wash home, even!  You know how
borin' it ish when yer sister's a waitressh and Mom's a corrupt pollytechan
and Dad sellsh spare partsh!?"
    "Pretty boring?" Gourry guessed.
    "Boring!  Nuttin' ever happened.  Oh, 'cept that ONE time," Lina spat.
Literally.  Gourry ducked.  "Here I yam, mindin' my own bishnesh, playin'
princess with dollsh -- I wash really young, yanno, didn't know much 'bout
life an'... 'an... okay, here I yam, mindin' my own bishness when BOOK!
BOOM.  Boom.  The house getsh robbed by bandits!"
    "But you beat them up, right?"
    "What?  No!  I washha kid, Gourry!  I wash freaked out and stuff.
Wennan hid in the biiig wooden chesht in my shister's room, where she
keepser magic shtuff," Lina said, getting a bit more quiet.  "So these
banditsh come and they TAKE THE CHEST.  Shtupid me, I got locked in.  So
here I am, thinkin' oh boy, I'm gonna die and schtuff, and when the bandits
get back to their hideout and open the thing, they're all like Whoa, we
diddin' know we wash kidnapping shome kid too..."
    Gourry skidded from nervous amusement to horror.  "Uh... is this one of
those funny stories, or--"
    "Then they getsh the idea, hey, ransom her!" Lina interrupted.  "Her
parents'r rich!  So there I am, sittin' in some stinky cave with stinky men
waitin' for mom and dad to buy me back, bored 'n tired 'n scared... you
know how long I wash there?"
    "...uh..."
    "FOUR DAYSH!" Lina said.  "Four!  They didn' pay the ransom!
'ventually, big sister came 'n reshcued me, then shaid they hadn't checked
th' mail and never saw th' note, an' when Mom shaw it she said they didn't
have the money and would hafta wait, an... well, it wash awful, I can tell
that fershure.  Wait, wash that it?  Somethin' bout the mail and money...
FOUR DAYSH!  I remember that!  Yah.  I remember that bit."
    "Boy, that's... scary," Gourry said.  "Um.  You're okay now, right?"
    "'courshe," Lina said.  "Got the idea to stomp banditsh fer a living,
too.  Ya yah, I know, big 'ol 'Ooooh, look, kid had a bad time 'an got
scarred for life 'an stuff, makesh shense', yeah?  I don' shee it that way,
caushe that's, like, the obliv... the ooob... the OBVIOUS thingy.  Like
Dramatic.  I'd shay it showed me the WAY, brother!  Like, before that I
wash just some kid who wanneda be a princessh, silly I knew, but now I
hadda meaning in life and stuff and it wash fun to learn all big sister'sh
magic, and stuff.  You know.  Right?  Gourry, whaddya lookin' at me like
that for?!"
    "Look?" Gourry asked, eyes wide with confusion.  "What look?"
    "I knooooow that look," Lina said, leaning over to get in Gourry's
face, bad breath and all.  "That 'ohhh, poor Lina, she'sh in trouble,'
look.  Yah, well, I don't need yer help caushe nothing'sh the matter!"
    "Okay," Gourry said.  "I--"
    "So yoo can get that look gone right now, buster!" Lina continued
anyway.  "Ahm inna prophecy doin' stuff which apparently been fated since
the beginning of the world and I've got thesh winges which I didn't ask for
and I don't even know why I gottem and we're eventually gonna hafta deal
with that Nightmare guy 'an we have no leads, but I'm FINE!  An I'm not yer
lover, either."
    Gourry thought, okay, Lina has gone byebye.  She's babbling things
now.  Just smile, and nod your head like she likes.
    "'an quit smilin' and nodding yer head!" Lina said, getting up to
standing, uneasily.  "I... am going to go for a walk.  Clear my head."
    "Oh, okay," Gourry said.  "I know a good cafe I could take you to, with
good atmosphere.  I used--"
    "I don' wanna date, either!"
    "Err.. no no, I just mean--"
    "Just cheese off, Gourry!" Lina said, trying to push him away.  Gourry
stayed perfectly still-- Lina stumbled backwards, before regaining her
footing.  "I don' need you, no matter what anybody saysh!  We're jusht
huntin' treasure.  Could go get Naga fer that if I wanned.  Leave me
alone!"
    Confidently, satisfied with her decision, Lina walked into the backyard
gate with a thud.  She reoriented herself, and tried again, opening it
first.
    This left Gourry behind.  He didn't make a move.
    He probably should follow her, he thought.
    But she doesn't want him to, he thought.
    There were times when he really wished he was a smarter man, so he'd
know what to do at times like this.  As is, unable to decide, he just
stayed where he was.

                                   [-*-]

    Lina was discovering something very interesting about herself and
drunkenness.  She wasn't able to talk right because there was a bunch of
cotton in her mouth and the world seemed to lurch and sway with every step,
but she was still thinking perfectly straight.  So she thought.
    She walked along the empty streets of New Piper's Cove, hiccuping
occasionally, and thinking about what she said.  If she went up against
Drama, she theorized, he'd just say she was in denial and repressing her
feelings and so on.  Which of course Lina wasn't, because that was just
stupid.  It was the kind of thing other people did, not smart people like
her.  This felt logical enough to work for her.
    Briefly she considered going back to Ky and getting Naga to finish the
journey with.  It might not be too bad, even with all the jokes at her
expense and the spine-wrenching laughter and the huge dinner bills Naga
would never help pay.  Nobody except maybe some A-1 perverts would ever bug
her about being more than friends with Naga, for instance.  That was a
plus.
    For right now, though, Lina wanted to maybe take in some of that fresh
ocean air, beat the hell out of some thugs, have a doughnut and go to bed.
It would be a good way to cap off the evening.  Somewhere inside, she also
felt that maybe wandering around drunk wasn't good, since the last time she
accidentally got sloshed she got sucked into the Lake of Chaos for a quiet
chat with God.  But whatever.  Beatings and doughnuts first.
    Picking a suitable dark, foreboding alley, Lina took a left and walked
to the dead end, past trash cans with hidden figures crouched behind them.
She turned around, and waited.
    Three Thugs popped up from hiding places, armed with knives.
    "Hi!  We'll be your muggers tonight," the leader said.  He gave Lina a
lookover.  "Hey, boys, check this out!  Some completely drunk foreign chick
with a sword AND a sorceress's costume.  Let's have some fun, eh?"
    "Ah, good," Lina said out loud, cracking her knuckles.  "Typical
sexisht bashtards.  Thish'll hit the spot."
    "Hey, watch your mouth!" the thug said, while Lina revved up a nice,
big fireball to waste them all with--
    A figure stepped into the mouth of the alley, a breeze blowing her hair
and skirt, as she pointed dramatically at the robbers.
    "HOLD, evildoers!" the girl announced.
    Lina's fireball charged down, its owner distracted.  The robbers turned
to face their new assailant, someone in a school girl's uniform, very
normal for the area.
    "Beat it, kid.  We're engaging in freelance business," the head robber
said.
    "Stealing and hurting people is bad!" the girl announced.  "Not only
does it make people afraid to use the streets at night, but it's morally
wrong and hurts the economy.  And above all, it's against the LAW!"
    "Your point?" the head robber said.
    Gesturing, the girl held up... a perfectly dull, ordinary pen.  But
then, power swirled around the pen, down her arm....  "SAILOON POWAH!  MAKE
UP!"
    THUD.  Lina's jaw hit the floor.
    After the fifteen second swirly pink magical transformation, complete
with little hearts and bubbles and cheesy music playing from nowhere,
Amelia wil Tesla Sailoon stood, wearing a funny white sailor costume, with
long gloves and an excessively short skirt.  She posed once more, for
effect.
    "In the name of the law, I punish you!" Amelia declared.  "I am Sailor
Justice!  Throw down your weapons and prepare to be judged!!"
    This didn't have the effect she wanted.
    The robbers rolled around on the ground, laughing their heads off.
Rolling waves of amusement, combined with a little drool and some
lung-busting guffaws, as Sailor Justice kept her pose, not sure if this is
how it was supposed to go.
    All Lina could offer was a quote, three dots, and an end quote.
    "HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!" one robber laughed.  "That's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen!  Hey, do you bake cookies, Miss Justice!?"
    "You're... MOCKING Sailor Justice!" Amelia realized.  She assumed a
fighting stance.  "Now, witness the true power of love and beauty!  HYAH!"
    Then, as if Lina hadn't received enough horrifying shocks, Amelia
opened a Bulk Foods sized can of whoopass.  A flurry of kicks, punches,
knees to the gut, flying tackles and bone-wrenchingly nasty impacts, all
compacted with a crowbar into the span of about twenty seconds.
    Sailor Justice set the trash out by the curbside to be picked up.  One
of the robbers was groaning and asking for his mommy.
    "Victory!" Amelia declared, holding up a V sign.  She turned to Lina.
"Are you hurt, miss?... AAA!  Lina-san!  What incredible luck!"
    Lina's brain had stopped working moments ago.
    "I'm here to save you!" Amelia said, taking Lina's hand forcibly.  Lina
winced at the handshake; when did Amelia start pumping iron?
    "Shave me?  Whaaaa??" Lina asked.  She let out a loud belch for
emphasis.
    "Oh no, it's worse than I thought!" Amelia gasped.  "You're a drunk AND
a drug user AND you're being influenced by bad magic and worse!!  Angela
was right!  How could I have doubted her?"
    "Angela?  DRUGSH?  Hey!!  An' I am notta drunk!"
    "Don't worry, Lina!  I'm here to help!  Come on!" Amelia smiled, and
dragged Lina down the street.  Lina's feet almost worked right, stumbling
along behind the soldier of love and justice...
    From the rooftops, Angela let out a sigh of relief.  It seemed her
stimulation of Amelia's sense of glory was working like a charm.  In
moments, Lina would be in the hands of the Dragons.

                                   [-*-]

    The Gabriev household, being firm believers in early to bed and early
to rise, (which according to Mr. Gabriev, 'drives off those government
spies') was quiet as a mouse that night.
    Gourry made sure not to be very loud as he went to fix himself a cup of
cocoa, his usual method of dealing with a bad day.  He even stirred the
drink without banging the spoon on the sides of the cup too much, seated at
the kitchen table, between a fern and a small apple tree.
    Confident that this would heal his worries, he sipped the cocoa.
    That's when he remembered that the reason why cocoa chased his worries
away is because he always forgot to let it cool, and would end up burning
his tongue very badly and trying not to howl in pain.
    Gourry quickly ran to the sink, running his mouth under the cold water
tap for a moment, before surfacing for air.  And despite all this, he was
still worried.
    Shuffling footsteps along the carpet alerted him to a visitor.  He
looked over.
    "Cocoa again, huh?" Aunt Koirry said, noting the mug and Gourry's red
face.  She talked quiet, very appropriate to the time of evening.
    "Uh-huh," Gourry said.
    "What is it this time?"
    "Lina again," Gourry said.  "She said she didn't need me and ran off."
    "Oh, that's normal," Auntie said, having a seat at the kitchen table.
Gourry returned to his as well.  "She was drunk, right?  Very exaggerated.
So, where is she now?"
    "I don't know.  Out in the city."
    "What, and you didn't go after her?  Aren't you her bodyguard?"
    "I guess, but... Lina said she didn't need me," Gourry said again.
"She didn't want me to come."
    Aunt Koirry giggled a little.  "Still so much to learn, Gourry... say,
Lina's new here and might not know the way back home, right?"
    "Right..."
    "So what do you think would be the right thing to do?" Aunt Koirry
asked.  "Remember, I always said you should try to do what you think is
right..."
    "It'd be right to go make sure she's okay, and get her back home,"
Gourry said.  "She'll be mad at me and might hit me or something, but it's
right to do.  Right?"
    "It's just a suggestion, really.  It's your decision," Aunt Koirry
said.  "Humans are funny that way.  They get to make up their minds on
things, and you'd better believe they can make just about ANY decision...
but I think you know what you're going to do, at least.  Say, Gourry?"
    Gourry paused in rising from his chair.  "Yeah, Auntie?"
    "How would you like me to come with you folks for a little while?" Aunt
Koirry asked, with a little wink.
    "Come with us?... but Auntie, it's a dangerous quest.  And you have to
feed your cat."
    "Oh, your mother can watch after the cat.  And I've got my reasons for
wanting to come.  But that's for later; for now, you've got a plucky little
sorceress to find, yes?"
    "Yeah," Gourry said, smiling.  He gave his aunt a big hug.  "Thanks for
not being dead, Aunt Koirry."
    "Any time, dearie," Auntie said, patting him on the back, letting go.
    Gourry fetched his sword, which he had placed in the umbrella rack by
the door, and headed out.
    Aunt Koirry blew some steam off his unfinished cocoa, had a sip,
confirmed that the poor boy still didn't know how to make the stuff, then
walked upstairs to the guest room.  Knocked softly.
    Inside, Myth groaned, still in the aftermath of the 'medicine' she
took.  "Who is it...?" she said.
    Aunt Koirry opened the door, and stepped in.  "Hello again, Myth-chan.
Miss me?"
    Myth sat bolt upright in bed.  "Love?!"
    "The same," Love said.  "I added a few lines of age to fit in, but it's
me.  Listen.  We've got some business to take care of, if Lina's going to
fulfill her duty.  I need your help finding my brother Loathing.  I think I
know where he is, but I need your Talents."

                                   [-*-]

    In the back room of a nearby tavern, Lina was drowning repeatedly.
    Amelia had read once that one of the best ways to sober up an alcoholic
was to dunk their head in a large tub of cold water, then dunk it in a tub
of hot water, then cycle between the two.  She also heard that coffee was a
good way to wake up someone who was drunk.
    Choosing to be efficient, Sailor Justice was happily using her newfound
strength to pick Lina up and baste her first in a barrel of ice water, and
second in a barrel of rich, steaming java.
    "AAA!  Cold--  AAA!!! HOT!!!  OW!  HEY!" Lina exclaimed, in between
burbling underweater/undercoffee.
    "Don't worry, Lina!  I'll help you get clean!" Amelia smiled.  "And
Dayvid's come up with some 'deprogramming' methods of getting you off the
nasty drugs!"
    "I (glug) am NOT (gurgle) on DRUGS!"
    "Boy, there's that denial again," Amelia said, dropping Lina into the
coffee in surprise.  "This really has gone far, hasn't it?"
    Lina popped out of the brown liquid like a really enraged, very sober
sorceress.  "Amelia!!  Jeez!  Did you ever stop to think that maybe someone
is saying they aren't on drugs because they actually aren't on drugs?
Honestly and truthfully?!"
    "But you said all that weird stuff about the Lord of Nightmares, too,"
Sailor Justice noted.
    "That was true too!  Look, check with Gourry.  Or better yet, with
Myth!" Lina said, climbing out of the barrel, dripping on the floor
dejectedly.  "Myth can tell you the whole story.  If--"
    A silver light span in the room, turning horizontally to become a woman
in a flowing white gown, with feathered white wings.  Lina stared openly.
    "Lina, as I have said, is under bad influences," Angela told Amelia.
"She believes this strange quest of hers is mandated by the Lord of
Nightmares, which is ridiculous.  Likely, it is a Mazoku plot."
    "Oh, Lina, this is Angela-sama.  She's been helping me!" Amelia
introduced.  "Angela, this is Lina-san, she's sick.  I think..."
    "Mazoku plot?  What a load of--"
    "Foul language is bad!" Sailor Justice warned.
    "--poopy," Lina lamely corrected.  "And who exactly are you, huh?
Funny wings.  Jealous of mine?"
    "I am Angela, of the Dragons," Angela decided to proclaim.  "And we are
concerned over your goals.  Your mission could unsettle the balance of the
world.  Have you even considered that this could be some sort of trick?  Or
that your actions may lead to one of the many disasters you are famous for,
without you being able to save the day as you luckily have so far?"
    Lina folded her arms.  "It's not my place to say.  I'm working under a
higher power."
    "Ne, are you REALLY working for the Lord of Nightmares?" Amelia asked.
    "How many times do I have to say it?!" Lina said, stamping her foot.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
YES!  I am!"
    "Gosh, that's a lot of yesses," Amelia said, doubts rising.  "Ne,
Angela-san, what if Lina's right?  I've been thinking, and--"
    "It doesn't matter," Angela interrupted, returning control of the
discussion to herself.  "The Dragons must determine if this act could lead
to destruction.  I have decided it must be stopped.  Who are you to defy
the will of the Dragons, who only seek to preserve your race, Lina
Inverse?  Will you turn back on this fool's errand now?"
    Lina got an idea.
    "No," Lina said, then quickly turned to Amelia.  "Hey, Amelia!  How
would you like to come with us on the quest?  Your father would be very
proud of you for helping the Lord of Nightmares, ne?  It's such an
important thing to be doing and Dayvid probably would be very happy too!
We could really use your white magic, too!  I'd love to have you along."
    "Really?" Amelia asked.  "Actually, I have brought a lot of honor to
the family by helping you against the Mazoku and stuff... so you're not
actually a drug abusing lying criminal?"
    "I give you my word, in the name of my poor dead grandmother
maysherestinpeace," Lina said, crossing her heart.
    That was enough to sway the scales of Justice.
    "Okay!" Amelia smiled, hopping over to Lina's side.  "Ne, Angela-san,
thanks for the neat costume but I think maybe it'd be better if I help Lina
out.  I promise the Dragons I'll be very careful to not hurt anything and
this quest will be great for everybody!"
    Angela looked dumbfounded, throwing her perfect grace and control
askew.  "You'd turn your back on me that quickly?"
    "Lina's a lot of fun to travel with, and I could help her make sure
justice prevails!" Amelia said, clenching a mighty fist.
    Lina put an arm around Amelia's shoulders.  "Comrade!"
    But the Dragon was furious.
    "Humans!" she raged.  "Useless allies!  They keep changing their minds,
they refuse to obey orders... unpredictable, chaotic beasts, no better than
animals.  You are MY pawn, Amelia, and I will not give up so easily!"
    Silver light arced from Angela's fingertips, striking Amelia in the
forehead.  Lina looked at the younger girl; her eyes now were silver.
    Sailor Justice pushed herself away from Lina.  "You are a dangerous
person!  Danger is bad!  In the name of the Dragons, I punish you!"
    "Amelia, geez.  Snap out of--"
    A kick flew from Sailor Justice's left leg, impacting Lina's stomach
and hurling her across the room.  Lina smacked into a wall, and collapsed,
the wind knocked out of her.
    "Wheeerr.." Lina said, catching her breath.  "What are you--"
    "You are dangerous!" Sailor Justice repeated, posing heroically.  "You
must be stopped!"
    Angela smiled on.
    Lina assessed.  She was not nearly as strong as Super Duper Amelia from
Hell, so grappling with her wouldn't work.  But she couldn't use magical
attacks; this was AMELIA!  Against her sister, Lina wouldn't have cared.
But something just didn't sit right with blasting Amelia to the horizon--
    Her world spun upside down, as Sailor Justice picked Lina up, and threw
her into the cold water barrel.
    Then again, maybe blasting her wasn't such a bad idea, Lina thought.
She broke the surface, regretted this, and got a fireball--
    Gourry smashed through the door, sword drawn.  "Lina!  What's going on
in... whoa, Amelia, what happened to your clothes?"
    "You are also a threat to your kind!" Sailor Justice declared, turning
to face Gourry.  "You must be stopped!"
    "She's gone nuts, Gourry!  And some idiot gave her steroids!" Lina
warned, floating out of the barrell; her wings were out, no time to worry
about that now, as she hovered.  "Careful!"
    Gourry nodded, right before Sailor Justice rammed him head on; he
twisted around, getting her into a headlock, as the two started some real
strength vs. strength battling.
    Lina turned to face the other target in the room, who was busy smiling
and looking oh so smug.
    "As for YOU," Lina said, flapping her wings, "Follow me if you're so
interested in stopping me!  Amelia can't help you in the skies, can she?"
    She opened a nearby window, and flew straight out, into the night air.

                                   [-*-]

    The night air was cold and crisp as Lina took to the skies.
    This was a different feeling.  It was the first time she voluntarily
started to fly with these wings, rather than having them save her from a
short, sharp splat.  Without the Raywing's bubble, she could feel every
aspect of the wind, of the slight moisture in the air, of the moonlight...
    She didn't have time to really enjoy it, seeing the Dragon fly out
after her, on fluffier wings.  Angela looked very angry.
    "I am not here to fight you," Angela said.
    "You want to stop my little road show, don't you?" Lina said, rolling
up a sleeve, facing off against the Dragon.  "Bring it on.  We'll get this
over with on a personal level, instead of through my friends."
    "Dragons do not destroy.  We dissuade," Angela said.  "Why can't you
see that?  We are not your enemies!  We would work with you, if--"
    "If we're doing things you approve of?" Lina said.  "And what's all
this we stuff?"
    "Humans," Angela said, as if naming a disease.  "You have no idea the
consequences your actions could have for your fellow humans.  Why does your
kind insist on destroying itself, like the Mazoku?  You don't even know
what this quest is about, do you?  You have no idea what's going to
happen!"
    "Do you?" Lina asked, directly.
    Angela stayed quiet.
    "I don't think anybody does, except maybe Merlin Giga.  And he's
history.  Mythology, even," Lina said.  "The Lord of Nightmares knows, but
you think she's gonna tell you?  How often have you spoken to God, anyway?"
    "Why on earth do you insist to walk into the unknown like this?" Angela
said.
    "Because," Lina replied.
    Angela waited for the rest.  "Because what?"
    "Just because," Lina said.  "You're right, I've got no clue why we have
to do this.  But I'm going to do it.  I've gotten this far, despite my
kicking and screaming and fighting against prophecy.  I've got to see it
through to the end.  Feel free to disagree and gnash your teeth, but if you
want to do something about it, DO something yourself.  What's it going to
be?"
    Angela hesitated.  "I suppose some destruction is required in the
preservation of all," she said, holding up one hand; a glowing ball of
white light swirled into existence.  "Even with those strange wings, you
are still human, and humans are not a match for a full fledged Dragon.  I
ask one last time.  Will you submit?"
    "No match?" Lina asked, surprised.
    "We ARE your superiors," Angela reminded.  "We always have been, and we
always will be."
    With a dull WHUMP, a dozen puzzle pieces slammed together in Lina's
mind, forming more of the big picture than she expected to know when she
woke up this morning.
    A superior pair of races.
    A book of power.
    A group of original humans gathered.
    A quest...
    Lina had to fight to keep from losing altitude as she busted out in
laughter.  "No match?!  HAA HAHAHA!  I get it!  NOW I get it!"
    Angela decided the time for talking was done, and hurled her ball of
holy energy, amplifying the size of it, to utterly obliterate Lina
Inverse--
    A similar ball launched from the rooftops below deflected the first,
both blasts absorbing each other into nothingness.  Angela's eyebrows went
UP.  Who was interfering?!
    Lina ignored the pyrotechnics, smiling as she started to flare up with
power.  "You see... I hold Giga's lores.  Like the prophecy says, I've held
the ultimate light in one hand, and the ultimate darkness in the other --
both designed to beat the Dragon's strongest magic, and the Mazoku's
darkest powers.  CUSTOM designed to make us weak, pathetic little humans a
match for both races, instead of being stepped on whenever you desire... in
fact, would you like to see a Giga Slave, up close and personal?  Just to
prove the point."
    Angela went white.  "You--!  You couldn't possibly-- we're over a
CITY!  And if you lost control, you could destroy--"
    "I know," Lina said, gathering a ball of darkness in her hands.  "But
you can't talk me out of this quest.  As for power, if I wanted to, I could
END you, here and now, with this.  Sure, I could end the world by accident,
but it still means I have an upper hand.  What cards do you have to play?"
    "You wouldn't dare," Angela said, although even she had an edge of
doubt in her voice.
    "Try me," Lina said, coldly.  She gathered together a large sphere of
darkness...
    Angela snapped a Raywing over herself, on full shielding, and was off
like a bullet for the horizon.  This was not a standoff she cared to
provoke, she thought.  There would be other battles.
    Lina waved politely as she left, and ended her simple reversed Lighting
spell.  "It's frightening, how often that trick works," she commented to
herself, and fluttered her way back down to the inn.
    A lone figure, watching from the rooftops, smiled from inside her
cloak.  The stranger quietly started a flight spell, and went off in the
same direction as Angela.

                                   [-*-]

    Squeezing through the window, Lina touched down on the inn's floor, and
folded her wings down.
    "What kept you?" Gourry asked, casually leaning against a doorframe,
grinning.
    "Eh?  Where'd Amelia go?" Lina asked.
    The swordsman gestured to a nearby barrel, with a hundred pounds of
iron chains holding the thing closed.  Loud thumping was heard inside.
    "I challenged her to a game of Bonkers," Gourry said.  "More or less.
I won.  But I figured when she woke up, she'd be unhappy, so.... ne, Lina,
what made her really strong and really weird?"
    "Some Dragon with a bad attitude," Lina said.  "Although the
enchantment isn't going away... that's not a good sign..."
    "What can we do?"
    Lina thought.  "Would your family mind another house guest until we
figure out a cure?"
    "Uh.  I.. guess she's no worse than Dad, if we keep her under control,
but..."
    "Great.  And I've got good news, Gourry," Lina said, pleased with
herself.  "I think... now, this is just a theory, but I think I know a bit
more about what the hell we've been up to."
    "Huh?" Gourry asked, puzzled.
    "Merlin Giga made a deal with the Lord of Nightmares," Lina said.
"Drama said he was very concerned about where humanity's place was.  The
end result of his findings : A prophecy, that would set up someone who can
cast the spells that balance out the three races.  That person gets wings
that only the original.. the original HUMANS had.  And then, they're sent
around collecting the first eight humans...  I think Giga might be setting
us up."
    "Err, us?"
    "Humanity," Lina said.  "Myth said that humans always had to hide and
hope they didn't die in the Mazoku wars, right?  What if we're about to get
some elbow room in that conflict, instead of being bystanders?  Room
between both the Mazoku AND the Dragons?"
    "Umm...." Gourry said... "Does that mean we're about to have another
Mazoku war?"
    Lina paused.
    "I hadn't thought of that," Lina said.  "Let's hope not.  It's a scary
idea.  But damned if we're going to stop this quest now."

                              TO BE CONTINUED