Greetings, oh Gagne-ed one! It's everybodies favorite nit-picking plot analyst back to once again enlighten the pathetic masses! No, not really. I'm actually in a hotel about two hundred miles from home, and I'm trapped in the room with nothing but a six-pack of Jolt (I write better when I'm hyper, dammit!) and a friends laptop. I read about the contest in a mad frenzy of online surfing before I left this morning, and seeing as how I'm bored..... Of course, since this particular three-and-a-half year old laptop crashes if you even think about maybe possibly considering an attempt to run the web browser, I have no way of knowing if the whole contest thing is still valid. This could prove difficult except for one fact: I DON'T CARE!!!!!! I'M GOING TO RA- ER, WRITE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO SIT THERE AND LIKE IT!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! *ahem* Presenting......... Gourry's Games. "Eh, what the hell," Lina said, snatching the flowers away, and trying to arrange them off to one side of her hair, as casually and uncaring as possible. "Can't hurt... what's with that smile?" Gourry's big goofy smile got a little less goofy. "Oh, nothin'. Hey, anybody want to play a game while we wait?" "I am NOT gonna play Bonkers," Lina said. "Oh, no," said Gourry, "Not that. You aren't really built for it anyway, y'see, and B.O.N.K.T* would probably disapprove strenuosly at a non- registered...." " 'Bonked?' " Asked Lina, immediatly wishing she hadn't. "No, B.O.N.K.T," said Gourry proudly, "The Bonkers Organized-Nationally Klobberers, Testabourne division. Although since we're in Sailloon, it would probably be B.O.N.K.S, or even possibly B.O.N.K.Z considering you're technically a resident of Zeifilia and that division of the league is known for adhering to the rules quite rigid-" " 'Division? League?' Hold it hold it, back the wagon up....." Lina said, gesticulating at a non-exist wagon and horse. "You mean to to tell me that two thick-headed guys running at each other and hitting their skulls together like a pair of coconuts..... Mmmmm, coconuts..... is actually an OFFICIAL GAME?" "Not a 'game'," corrected Gourry, "It's a SPORT. As a matter of fact, the Gabriev family has never failed to produce at least one championship Bonkers player in over three hundred years. I myself hold numerous regional trophies, and Dad once held the national title for a couple seasons, before he lost it to Ronald Rockskull in the Great Bonking Finals of '81. Now THAT," Gourry leaned back against the tree, suddenly waxing reminscient, "was a great match. Dad was thrown clear out of the Bonking Circle by the blow, and to this day his head has kind of an oblong shape that you don't really notice because he keeps his hair combed just right. Come to think of it, it was just a couple weeks later that he discovered for the first time the massive web of government conspiricies kept wound tight about him by our fascist regime." Gourry grinned sheepishly. "What a coincidence, ne?" Lina stared. Myth hastily finished writing down Gourry's last few sentences (more to convince herself later that it HADN'T been some kind of stress-induced hallucination than for posterity) before she stared also. Lina and Myth stared. Finally, Myth spoke. "Your country has some very..... interesting recreational activities, Gourry. I could probably make a good mini-series out of that game, or at LEAST a Novel-of-the-Week......" "Really? Cool!" Gourry said, beaming in that oblivious way that only a blonde can beam in. "Of course, you'd probably wanna mention some of the other stuff we do to, like Boulder-Spear-Parchment." "That's 'Rock-Scissors-Paper', Gourry," Lina said. "Nooooooo......" Gourry said, "I'm pretty sure we used Boulders. They're way more effective than rocks when you want to push back a bunch of spear-wielders trying to storm the hill you're standing on, and of course the parchment is neccessary because SOMEBODY has to keep score and find out which side caused more Greivous Bodily Harm (tm)." Gourry frowned for a second. "It's not like we're violent maniacs or anything, of course. It's all in good fun." "Of course." Lina said woodenly. At this point, she was considering that maybe Naga hadn't been all THAT bad a partner after all. Myth had to break out a new book to get all the information down. "We got other sports too, though. Like Ollie-Ollie Oxen-Free. That one's way less complicated than Boulder-spear-Parchment or Bonkers. All you haveta do is get all the guys named Oliver, and then you stick them in front of this large rampaging horde of Oxen that you subsequently stampede in their direction....." -------------------------- * for more details about B.O.N.K, or any of it's duly organized sub-leagues, please consult the handy "Bonkers and You: Because a Skull is a Terrible Thing to Waste" pamphlet, available at any B.O.N.K office near you. Stop me before I fic again!!!!!!!! -Mercutio "A plague 'a both your houses!"