johnbil@wam.umd.edu (John Walter Biles) [Author's foreword: This story is the first in a series that forms the sequel to the Ranma 1/2 fanfic, Ranma--Putting Your Heart in the Right Place. Given that Right Place ends with several major deviations from standard Ranma reality....I have tried to sum up the major outcomes of Right Place in this foreword for those who have not read it. If you have read Right Place...you can just move on down to the story proper. Ranma-Right Place is available at the anime Archive at ftp.std.com /archives/anime-fan-works as Ranma.Right.Place.gz The major changes in the Ranma universe as the result of the events of the Ranma Right Place story.... 1. Ranma and Akane have finally admitted they really do love each other....It's still a pretty rocky road they face since neither of them know the first thing about having a romantic relationship...but they are stumbling down that road together. They still fight about as much as ever, but the edge has been taken off their anger. 2. Due to a love potion that has not yet been reversed, Ryouga and Nabiki are romantically involved, while everyone else nervously waits to see what happens when it wears off. 3. Gosunkgi is trying to make up his mind how he feels about the magical girl, Amano_Akemi who has swept into his life since he accidentally summoned her. He has aquired an American sensei who is teaching him more about magic, one Mimi Masters of Quagmire. 4. Nodoka has moved in permanently into the Tendo household and learned of Ranma's curse. 5. Mousse defeated Shampoo in combat, but she still refuses to marry him. 6. Cologne was last seen wandering off with Happousai under the influence of various magics...which should be wearing off soon. 7. Kunou and Kodachi haven't changed at all. 8. Ukyou is trying to decide whether to keep fighting for Ranma's love or accept defeat... 9. There is no major change #9. 10. Due to Gosunkugi bumbling an effort to cure Mousse of his poor vision, Shampoo now suffers Mousse's poor vision, while he benefits from her once-excellent sight. Hopefully, this data will help you read and understand the story to follow...which leads off of some of the events of part #14 of Ranma-Putting Your Heart in the Right Place. ************************ (Today. We see Gosunkugi at his desk doing homework. He is stuck on a math problem. There is a TV and VCR with a big box of tapes in one corner of the room. There are several anime posters up on the wall--Project A-ko, Video Girl Ai, and Bubblegum Crisis. There is a new looking board for posting things. It has a picture of Akemi in her school uniform standing next to a tree. There is a single battered picture of Akane in another corner of the board. She is breaking bricks. Next to it is a picture of Akane and Ranma standing nervously next to each other in front of the dojo. They are holding hands. A fourth photo, this one of Akemi and Gosunkugi, sits in the middle of the board. He looks a bit nervous, while she has an arm around his waist and is leaning her head on his shoulder.) Gosunkugi: Hey, Akemi? What did you get on problem 5? (Silence) Gosunkugi: Akemi? (He turns around. She is nowhere to be seen in the room. The sound of hammering starts up from outside the window. Gosunkugi goes to the window and looks out. He sees Akemi in the branches of the tree, busily constructing a platform with boards, nails,and branches. She looks over at him and smiles.) Gosunkugi: What's this? Akemi: A tree-house. Gosunkugi: Tree-house? Akemi: I never had one as a child. Gosunkugi: You never had a childhood. Akemi: Your parents already said it was okay. Gosunkugi: They never let me have one as a kid! They were afraid I'd fall and hurt myself! Akemi: I guess you just weren't as cute as me. (She smiles and sticks out her tongue. He sighs and then stares at the platform.) Gosunkugi: I can't believe they just let you live here. Akemi: You have wonderful parents, although they are kind of protective. (We hear what sounds like a mob coming.) Akemi: I...sense magic. Gosunkugi: Where? Akemi: (looks around and sniffs the air.) Down there! (She points at the approaching mob, led by a gorgeous red head being carried by three men. The mob is all male. The woman looks up at the tree and points. A horde of the men pour forward towards the house.) Gosunkugi: I think we're in trouble. Akemi: I wish we'd had more time to work on spells. Gosunkugi: If only Fujishima-sensei didn't assign so much history homework...(His eyes begin to glaze over as the mob and woman approach) Akemi: Hikaru? Gosunkugi: Darling! (He leaps out the window and is caught by the mob, some of which starts climbing up the tree.) Akemi: Why did he...the magic! (Stares at the mob for a moment, then runs in the house and shuts the window.) It must be some kind of mind control. But why was I unaffected...all men...why only men? Hi...Hikaru. (She chokes up a bit.) (The door opens. A horde of men pour in led by Ranma and Genma. Akemi screams. We see Kodachi perched outside the window in Akemi's treehouse. She grimaces and fades into the shadows.) *********************** Furinkan Summer A Fanfic series based on Ranma 1/2 by Rumiko Takahashi Sequel to Ranma--Putting Your Heart in the Right Place By John Biles Episode 1: Season Premiere! A Tale of Two Morons or Whatever Happened to Tatewaki and Kodachi? "Summer Fields" (by John Biles) Anger hides a loving heart; Anger drives us far apart. Only love can heal the pain, For your smile brings the rain That helps love's fields to grow. Walk with me through summer fields So we can help our hearts to heal. Stride through grass and smell the air Under the sun without a care. I want to spend my time with you. We hid our love behind our pride, never letting anyone inside. To end those lies must be our task; Tear down the walls; Throw out the masks We used to hide from love. Walk with me through summer fields So we can help our hearts to heal. Stride through grass and smell the air Under the sun without a care. I want to spend my time with you. Love does not end with "I Love You", Not if what we said is true. We have to strive to make it grow. We have to let our feelings show Else love will fade like dew. ************************* (5 days ago. Kunou, Kodachi, and Sasuke are on a rooftop overlooking the Nekohanten. ) Kodachi: So, we have finally found the dwelling place of that red haired bimbo. Kunou: Do not refer to my beloved pig-tailed girl in that manner! Sasuke: Please don't fight with mistress Kodachi, master Kunou. Kodachi: Heh, as if you could ever defeat me, brother. Kunou: If you were not my sister, I would thrash you for that. Kodachi: Yes, of course you would. Let us go. (They spring off the roof, to the front door of the Nekohanten, and dash in followed by Sasuke. Inside, Shampoo is busily serving customers, looking grumpy, with a pair of glasses on her face, while Cologne is at the cash register. There are a lot of customers here tonight.) (Kunou rushes over to Cologne.) Kunou: The Pony tail girl! Where is she? Kodachi: You had better tell us or you will regret it. (Cologne smiles.) Cologne: Whatever gives you the idea that you could find the ponytail girl here? Shampoo: Because Ran ... mrphle (Cologne is by Shampoo suddenly, covering up her mouth) Kodachi: Gosunkugi told us, and he is far too much a coward to risk lying to my brother and I. Kunou: He and that strange girl I have seen him with of late. Sasuke: I still think the pig-tailed girl was living there, not here. Kunou: Silence, Sasuke! So, troll, where are you hiding her from me? Shampoo: You no threaten Great Grandmother or Shampoo will have to fight you! Kunou: I have no fear of women for I am the mighty Kunou Tatewaki, the Blue Thunder, the rising star of Furinkan High! Look on me and tremble! (Thunder rumbles in the background.) Cologne: You want to see the pig-tailed girl? Kodachi: Yes! She will die at my hands! Kunou: Yes! I shall finally be able to see her without Ranma interfering. Shampoo: (Furrowed brow ) But Ranma is...mrpsdfk kafkjds. (Cologne is silencing her again.) Cologne: Shampoo, go back to your work while I discuss this with these two. Shampoo: Yes, great-grandmother. (She pushes her glasses up on her head as she heads away from Cologne, leading to her trying to take an order from one of the wall hangings. Cologne sighs and turns her attention to Kunou and Kodachi.) Cologne: She doesn't live here, but I can set up a chance for the two of you to meet her. If you can do me a little favor. Kunou: I will not do anything dishonorable. Cologne: No dishonor at all. I just need you to fetch me something. Kodachi: What? Cologne: I have learned that a century lotus will soon be blooming in an abandoned temple up in the mountains. I need you to fetch it for me. Kodachi: The century lotus? Isn't that used to make a fragrant oil which causes whoever anoints themselves with it to become irresistible in love? But only when it blooms, which happens only once a century? Cologne: You are wiser than I thought. Do you know how to make the oil? Kodachi: No. Cologne: Bring me the lotus and I will share the oil with you. Kunou: Looking for a man-troll? (Cologne whaps Kunou into a wall with her staff.) Cologne: I am not a troll! Kodachi: We have a deal. Kodachi: (thinking) Old fool. I'll let her make it, then steal it all for myself. Ranma-sama will be mine, all mine! HA HA HA HA!!!! (They shake on the deal.) Cologne: (Thought) [If they think I'm sharing the oil with a pair of idiots like them, they are even more foolish than I thought they were. But I can deal with them once I have the lotus. Hopefully, the temple's guardians won't be expecting them like they would be expecting me. And if they fail, I haven't lost anything useful. If they succeed, my son-in-law will finally be forced to go ahead and complete his marriage to Shampoo that he has been dragging his heels on for so long.] ******************************* (Four days ago. A mountain pass on Honshu. Kunou and Kodachi are high up on a mountainside overlooking a valley. Part way across the valley is a ruined temple. It looks like a cross between a giant fox head and a traditional Shinto temple. Kodachi is holding a map. ) Kodachi: That must be the temple of the Bishoujo Kitsune. Kunou: It does bear some resemblance to a fox, but I would hardly call it bishoujo*. *bishoujo--pretty, lovely...used to describe a female...bishonen is the equiv. for a male. Kitsune means fox. Kunou: Sasuke! (Sasuke staggers into sight. He is carrying a massive (6' tall) backpack.) Kunou: When we get to the bottom, I want you to make camp and cook us a nice meal. I am so tired from all this walking. Sasuke: Yes, Master Kunou. Kodachi: We will go take care of the temple while you do that. We expect you to be ready for us by the time we return. Sasuke: Yes, Mistress Kunou. Kunou: Time to go pick flowers for the troll. Kodachi: Well, a flower, anyway. ************************* (Inside the ruined temple, we see a fox with nine tails curled up on a throne napping. The throne room/temple chamber is crumbling and the paint is peeling off the walls. She looks sad as she sleeps. Well as sad as a sleeping fox is capable of looking. A purple-robed monk enters the room.) (The monk kneels and waits to be addressed. Given that the fox is asleep, he is in for a long wait.) *************************** (We cut to Kunou, Kodachi, and Sasuke. They are picking their way down a steep slope.) Kodachi: We should have brought some mountaineering equipment. I'm going to tear up my leotard going down this way. Sasuke: I think I have some. Let me just try and get this pack open. (He tries to take it off, overbalances and tumbles down the mountainside.) AAAAHHHH!!!!! HELP, MASTER KUNOU!!!!!! Kunou: (assumes a position of prayer) I will pray for the repose of your soul, faithful servant. Oh gods, bless the soul of Sasuke, for he served us well while he was alive. (Kodachi is watching him fall. She throws a gymnastics pin at him and deflects his trajectory so he lands in some bushes instead of rocks.) Kodachi: I think he will live, dear brother. Kunou: (goes over to cliff edge) Truly he possesses the luck given by the gods only to fools. (He leans too far and starts to fall. Kodachi catches him just in time.) Kodachi: I think he is not the only one. Sasuke: OWWWWW!!!!!!!! ( The valley echoes his cry.) Kunou: Be happy you won't have to carry the pack all the way down the cliff! Kodachi: He had better not have broken my chemicals. Kunou: I'm not going to be happy if my spare shinai is broken, Sasuke! Sasuke: I'll check for you as soon as I am capable of moving! (He is hopelessly tangled in the pack and the bushes.) Kunou: By all the gods! Once again, I shall have to rescue my servant. It is good for him that I am so merciful a master! My ancestors would have executed him for less! Kodachi: Well, down we go. (She springs down the cliff, leaping from rock to rock laughing maniacally. Kunou tries to follow and simply trips, then falls face first down the cliff into a small pond. When Kodachi reaches the bottom, he is floating face down in it.) Sasuke: Help, Mistress Kunou! Kodachi: I will forever wonder how my brother can float while unconscious like that. ********************* (The nine-tailed fox is still sleeping on the throne. She has rolled over and is now snoring loudly. The monk is still kneeling before her waiting to be addressed..) ********************** (We now see a battered and bandaged Sasuke setting up camp by the pond and the bushes while Kunou and Kodachi start across the field to the ruined temple. As they draw closer, they can see a few purple robed monks tending a garden outside.) Kodachi: I thought this temple was supposed to be abandoned. Kunou: I shall hail them and find out. (yelled) GREETINGS GOOD MONKS! I AM KUNOU TATEWAKI, THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH! IS THIS TEMPLE ABANDONED? AND IF NOT MAY WE ENTER FREELY? Monk 1: WHAT? Kunou: GREETINGS GOOD MONKS! I AM KUNOU TATEWAKI, THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH! IS THIS TEMPLE ABANDONED? AND IF NOT MAY WE ENTER FREELY? Monk 2: We gave at the office! Go away! Kunou: What? Monk 1: Aren't you with the United Way? Kunou: Eh? Monk 2: SPEAK UP! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Kunou: MAY WE ENTER FREELY? Monk 2: NO SOLICITORS ALLOWED! Kunou: WE AREN'T SOLICITING! Monk 1 : No need to shout. I can hear you just fine. No insurance salesmen either. Kunou: (starting to get angry) I am not an insurance salesman! I am the rising star of Furinkan High, Kunou Tatewaki, the Blue Thunder! All fear my wrath and tremble before my might! Never have I been defeated! And I am a warrior, not an insurance salesman. Monk 2: STOP WHISPERING!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Kunou: MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! Monk 1: Stop shouting. I am sick of Encyclopedia Salesmen like you two shouting at me. (Kodachi quietly slips off to one side.) Kunou: THAT'S IT!!! YOU HAVE INSULTED MY HONOR FOR THE LAST TIME! Monk 2: HONOR? WHAT'S THIS ABOUT HONOR? I JUST WANTED TO BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU! Monk 1: Stop shouting at me! (Kunou draws his shinai and rushes forward.) Kunou: Feel the anger of the greatest swordsman in all of Nerima! (He charges the monk, who sidesteps and sticks out a foot. Kunou trips and goes flying. He rolls to his feet and turns to see Kodachi clobber Monk 2 with two thrown gymnastics pins.) Monk 1: How dreadfully rude. (He runs for the temple. Kodachi and Kunou chase him. Kodachi trips him with tossed pins.) Monk 1: Help! Help! Intruders! (Kodachi knocks him out.) Kodachi: When stealth fails, banzai! (Kodachi charges in laughing maniacally.) ********************** (The fox on the throne stirs. She lifts her head a bit and looks at the monk.) Fox: Yes? Monk: Oh great lady, ruler of all she surveys, high priestess and overlady of the temple of the Bishoujo Kitsune! I, your most humble servant kneel before you and... Fox: Get to the point! I am missing out on important napping time here! Monk: Intruders. Fox: Deal with them. I will prepare in case they are too much for you. Bring them to me if you catch them alive. Monk: It shall be done. (He withdraws, bowing and scraping.) Fox: Well, some excitement at last. It is about time. With the flower ready to bloom, the hordes should be coming. I am sure that the Crone will try again to get the lotus. I remember the last time she tried that. I wonder if she will come in person this time, or send minions? Hmm....I had best warn the guards to watch out for her. Fun at last. It gets so boring around here when darling is gone. Perhaps I should pretty myself up in case any of them are attractive enough to keep. (She jumps off the throne and runs over to a reflecting pool and looks into it. She sees Kunou and Kodachi fighting several of the monks in the entry chamber.) ************************* (Five monks with staves have confronted Kunou and Kodachi in the entry chamber of the temple. The monks stare at Kodachi.) Kodachi: What? Monks: Just trying to make sure you're not an old white haired woman carrying a staff. Kodachi: Where would I hide a staff in this outfit? Monks: Hey, just following orders. (Monks look at Kunou, look at each other, then shake their heads.) Monks: She isn't hiding behind you, is she? Kunou: We have no desire to battle thee. We seek only the century lotus! Monks: Heretics! Come to steal our sacred flower! We will gladly die first! Kodachi: As you wish! (She lashes out with a ribbon and disarms one monk, while tossing a pin at the head of a second one. Meanwhile, Kunou fights two monks at once. He is quite obviously better than them. He rains blow after blow on them, splintering their staves and sending them away crying. The fifth monk runs for help. Kodachi sprints after him, leaps, and vaults off his head and lands in front of him right as he stops dead by a lever.) Monk: Get back or I'll pull this lever. Kodachi: I tremble at the thought. Ha ha ha ha! (Monk pulls lever. Pit opens under Kodachi. Kodachi lashes out with a ribbon and wraps it around his feet, pulling him into the pit. She climbs up his body and uses him as a shock absorber when they hit the bottom. He passes out. She is battered a bit, but still mobile.) (She tries to jump out, but it is too far up.) Kodachi: Brother, dear! Get me out of this pit! (Kunou finishes off the two monks he is fighting and looks around.) Kunou: Sister? Kodachi: Brother dear! Help me out of this pit! Kunou: What pit? (He heads towards her voice) Kodachi: The pit you're about to walk into. (He looks down and notices the big pit now open in the middle of the hallway.) Kunou: Oh. That pit. ************************** (The fox looks up from the pool.) Fox: Hmm. Two skillful warriors, but the man is not very bright. That's no surprise. I should easily be able to deal with him, but she may be difficult. (The fox shimmers and reshapes into a beautiful red haired woman with long flowing waist length hair. She is dressed in a red, white, and black kimono with little laughing fox head designs on it. She smiles.) Fox-lady: No man can resist my wiles. If he's good enough, perhaps I'll let his sister be my handmaiden, instead of having her killed. **************************** (We see Kunou and Kodachi once more heading down a hallway in the temple.) Kunou: Truly this place is vast in size, if somewhat ugly. Kodachi: I wish I knew where to find the lotus. (They notice a rolled up scroll lying on the ground nearby.) Kunou: Littering. How vile. (Kodachi picks it up and unrolls it. It is a map of the temple. One room is labeled, "The Lotus is here.") Kodachi: Hmm. Kunou: This must be a gift of the gods, sister. Now we can find the lotus and get out in time for supper. Kodachi: This seems awfully convenient. (Kunou drags her off down the hallway.) Kunou: Never question the bounty of the gods, lest they rip the cup from your lips before you can drink fully from it. (They turn left at an intersection. Kunou is walking swiftly and dragging Kodachi. Trap after trap--arrows, darts, pits, spears, falling rocks, rolling boulders--come out of the walls just behind Kunou, forcing Kodachi to leap, spring , and jump to avoid them.) Kodachi: You're triggering every trap in the place, brother! (Kunou looks back. He sees no arrows, boulders, or anything else...because they have just gone around a corner.) Kunou: I don't see anything. Kodachi: Let me lead! (She tries to leap past Kunou and drag him...but somehow she just can't get past him and keeps banging her head on his chest instead.) Kunou: It's too dangerous. You might step in a real trap and be injured. As a man and a samurai, it is my duty to lead. (Kodachi moans and buries her face in her hands. Kunou grasps one arm and drags her off through the next gauntlet of traps.) ********************* (We see the Fox-lady is staring intently into the pool, her brows furrowed with concentration.) Fox-lady: Obviously, I need to have my traps improved. They aren't fast enough. And it is easy for her to jump to avoid them....Perhaps I should have installed more that were above troll height. The girl is very good. I'll have to send extra monks after her. ********************* (Kunou and Kodachi reach a door. They check the map.) Kunou: This should lead into the Lotus room. Kodachi: Probably the ceiling is going to fall on us. Kunou: Take heart, my sister! You have Kunou Tatewaki watching over you! No one could possibly be less than safe under my protection! And I am sure we have the blessings of the gods on us! Kodachi: (sighs) Open the door, brother. (The door swings open. The room is a large chamber with a flowerpot in the middle, sitting on a round stone pillar. It has a black flower growing out of it.) Kodachi: This seems eerily familiar. Kunou: The Lotus! (He walks over and reaches out to grab it off the pedestal.) Kodachi: Let me just...(realization) The map is gone! Don't take it, brother! This has got to be a... (Too late. Kunou plucks up the flower. A giant mallet comes down from the ceiling and squashes Kunou flat. The door slams shut.) Kunou: The Blue Thunder triumphs...again. (He lies on the floor clutching the flower.) (Hidden doors fly open and dozens of the monks rush into the room.) Kodachi: At least we didn't get the rolling boulder I was expecting.... (She leaps into battle, clobbering monks with pins, and grabbing monks with her ribbon, which she uses to toss them around the room. Kunou peels himself off the floor and lays about. Soon, it is apparent that even three dozen monks are not enough.) Kunou: No one can overcome one who is blessed by the gods! I, Kunou Tatewaki bring their wrath down upon you! (He sees past the monks into one of the hallways. A red haired maiden in a red, black, and white Kimono reaches out pleadingly to him as a monk drags her past the doorway.) Kunou: Cads! Holding women prisoner! You remind me of ...SAOTOME!!! (He cuts a swath of destruction through them and runs out the door after the woman, leaving Kodachi to fight all the monks alone.) Kodachi: Brother! Come back here, you moron! (She looks and sees the flower has vanished.) Something strange is going on here. (She leaps head to head over the band of monks and races out into the passage after Kunou.) ************** (They race down the corridor. Two monks are dragging the red haired maiden, who we recognize as the fox, down the corridor. Kunou is in hot pursuit, followed by Kodachi. Once again, a trail of blades, darts, rocks, falling statues, and exploding kibo spray across the hallway. Kodachi dodges most of them, but some strike her. She bleeds just a little, and her outfit is torn in several places. But Kunou is running too fast for the traps to catch him.) Kunou: Unhand her you cads, else you will draw the wrath of heaven upon yourself! The gods frown on men who kidnap women! Fox-lady: (whispered) Speed up! The traps aren't hitting him. Monk 1: Can't go...faster. You're too...heavy... (Fox-lady flushes red with anger, pulls out a mallet and whaps Monk 1 flat. Kunou leaps forward and smacks the other monk into the wall with his shinai. The monk collapses. Fox-lady is still breathing hard and looks mad.) Kunou: Fair maiden, have they harmed you in any way? Say the word and I shall thrash them within an inch of their miserable lives. Kodachi: Going for three, brother dear? (She pants and leans against the wall. Kunou ignores her.) Fox-lady: (Grabs onto Kunou and buries her face in his chest) Oh, I was so scared! (cries) These evil monks worship a horrible monster they wanted to feed me to! Kunou: What, a monster? I shall vanquish it! Lead on and I shall destroy the horrible creature. Fox-Lady: But it will be very dangerous... Kunou: I embrace the danger! I have no fear of death! Fox-lady: (tries not to laugh) Then follow me. I shall lead you to where it lurks. Kodachi: Hey, we need to get that lotus and get out of here, brother. I'm not here to kill monsters. Kunou: It is evil and must be destroyed! The lotus can wait! It is not devouring fair maidens. Kodachi: Right. I'll get it, brother dear, while you fight the monster. Kunou: Onward to victory! (The Fox-lady starts leading him down the hallway. Kodachi watches them start to go.) Kodachi: I should follow him to make sure he doesn't get killed or something...Nyaah. I had better get the lotus before he accidentally destroys it. Kunou has the luck of a fool, anyway. (She springs off down a side corridor as Kunou and Fox-lady go around the corner.) (Kunou and the Fox-Lady are walking down another hallway. This one is decorated with dozens of fox-motifs.) Kunou: What is your name, fair maiden? Fox-lady: (thinks a moment). You may call me...Aiko. Kunou: Who do these foul monks serve? Some horrid, demonic spirit who is vile beyond the imagining of mortal ken? (Aiko fumes for a moment. ) Aiko: (Thought.) [They serve me you idiot! And I am not a horrid, demonic spirit! Just bored. Those monks are no fun at all. They don't really appreciate my beauty. Those stupid oaths of celibacy make them no fun at all. And my darling has been gone so long...] Aiko: (spoken) They serve the Bishoujo Kitsune, a most benevolent goddess, but they are unworthy of her. (thought) [Bunch of incompetent monks!] Kunou: What is this horrid monster that they sought to feed you to, oh lovely Aiko, whose eyes glimmer in the torchlight? Aiko: (thought) [That's the first compliment I've gotten from someone who wasn't groveling in years. And he is handsome. I like handsome men. Especially when they appreciate me. ] Aiko: It is the horrible, winged, fanged...ahhh.,..ahhh....(Thought) [I knew I should have thought of a monster in advance...] Kunou: A dragon? Aiko: Yes, yes. A dragon! With big, sharp pointy teeth and claws and metallic hide and it breathes...ahhh... Kunou: Lightning? Ice? Chlorine? Acid? Aiko: ...umm.... Kunou: Fire? Aiko: Yes, fire, of course. Kunou: Fire as red as your enchanting hair. And I am sure it smells nowhere as sweet as you. (Aiko blushes just a tiny bit.) Aiko: (thought) [Hmm...Maybe I could keep him. This kind of attention is kinda nice. I've been without loving for so long...Where's that bedroom? The one with the nice plush bed? ] ******************************** (We see a hallway full of purple-robed monks. Many carry staffs, naginatas, and other weapons. They are formed up in front of a big red door with a fox emblem on it. ) Monk 1: How can The Divine One be so certain that the intruders will come this way? Monk 2: She is all-seeing and all-knowing. We exist to serve and obey, not to question. If she has said it, it will happen. Monk 1: Why are we protecting the garden instead of her? Monk 3: Who can question her inscrutable wisdom? Were you there when she made the world? Monk 1: She made the world? Monk 4: Verily, she has said it. She and her husband, the Bishonen Kitsune. Monk 1: The who? Monk 5: Long has he been gone on a sacred journey, growing in wisdom and power...but we know he shall soon return. Monk 1: I feel like no one ever tells me anything. Monk 6: To realize you know nothing is the beginning of wisdom. (We see Kodachi clinging to the ceiling and slowly inching her way over to the door.) Monk 1: I am so confused. Monk 7: Try Zima! Maybe it can help you. (Monk 7 gives Monk 1 a Zima.) (Monk 1 drinks some of his Zima.) Monk 1: Hey, this is great. Anyone got some pretzels? Monk 8: Pretzels? What's a pretzel? Monk 1: WAHHHH!!!!! (Kodachi quietly drops down behind them and slips through the door. Inside is a large garden, full of dozens of plants. She starts searching through the garden.) Kodachi: I hope I can remember what the Century Lotus looks like. (She wanders through the plants for a while. Eventually, she finds a large blue flower in a vase. The vase is labeled "Century Lotus". The tightly closed petals open up as she watches.) Kodachi: The lotus! (She grabs the entire vase and heads for the door, then stops.) Kodachi: How am I going to get past those monks with this plant? (She thinks a moment, then gets out a small pouch and gathers a handful of flowers from the various pots around the room. She sprinkles them with the powder from the pouch. Then she strides out of the room and starts handing flowers to the monks.) Kodachi: Flowers! Only 50 yen! Flowers! (The monks start handing her money and getting flowers.) Monk 1: What a deal! That's really cheap! Monk 2: The Divine One has blessed us with this bargain. Monk 3: This flower smells...funny. (Monk slumps over.) (Soon all the monks slump over from the sleeping poison in the flowers.) Kodachi: HA HA HA HA!!!! (Bounces off laughing with the Century Lotus and its vase firmly in hand.) ********************** (We see a beautifully ornate bedroom. It has nice paintings on the walls, and a huge canopied bed in the middle. The sheets are black with red fox-motifs, while the canopy is red. The walls are a pleasant shade of blue. Aiko ushers Kunou into the room.) Kunou: This does not look like the lair of a dragon. Aiko: I thought we should rest before pressing onward to deal with it. Kunou: Well, for a few moments. We must hurry before it discovers you are still loose. I do not wish to struggle against it and all of its minions at the same time. Aiko: (ushers him over to the bed) You are indeed a handsome man.... What is your name, noble sir? Kunou: (stands) I am Tatewaki Kunou, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! (Lightning crackles and booms in the background) All who know me tremble at my wrath. My skill, my luck, and my handsomeness show that I am truly blessed of the gods! My honor is world-renowned, as is my might! Aiko: (smiling) I am but an humble maiden, kidnapped by these evil monks. Kunou: (Kneels) You are a fresh flower growing in the field at sunset. Your hair...is like that of my pig-tailed goddess! (sudden realization) You can almost make me forget her beauty. Aiko: (thought) [Pig-tailed Goddess? I don't know any pig-tailed goddesses...If he's referring to Princess Serenity, I'll scream.] Kunou: And your smile lights your face with the warmth of the sun. How I wish I had flowers to give to you, that you might place them in your lovely hair. And your eyes...they remind me of...Akane (dreamy voice briefly). They are the same lovely blue. Aiko: (thought--a little irritated) [So he is comparing me to some pig-tailed girl named Akane, eh? With red hair. Hmm....I'll have to do something about her...Can't be his sister.] Forget Akane. You are with me, now. (Aiko draws Kunou close to her) Kunou: So bold! I like women with vigour. You are a huntress, but I do not mind being the prey. Aiko: (thought) [One kiss and he'll be mine until I tire of him. I'll drive any thoughts of that pig-tailed Akane from his mind....] (She leans in close. They both close their eyes and move to kiss.) Kunou: My red haired goddess... (Aiko smiles. The lips are closing in on each other. Half a foot. Five inches. Four...Three ....) (The door flies open and Kodachi leaps in. She grabs Kunou and tosses a black rose to Aiko, who catches it and stares at it for a moment. Aiko collapses.) Kunou: Do you poison everyone you meet, sister? (The room suddenly crumbles as Aiko collapses. The bed is raggedy, the paint is peeling, and Aiko vanishes, leaving only a red fox lying on the floor near a black rose.) Kunou: What evil sorcery is this? (Kodachi drags him out and down the hallway.) Kodachi: Run, brother, run! The monks are coming! Kunou: I fear no monks! Kodachi: Look, they just dragged off that wretched tomboy Akane over there...(points the way she wants to go) Kunou: AKANE!!!!! (runs off that direction) (Kodachi runs after him with the lotus) *************************** (We see Kunou and Kodachi fleeing across the field as an army of purple-robed monks chase them. They are running towards the giant pavilion Sasuke has set up. He has just finished cooking dinner.) Sasuke: Master Kunou, you did not say there would be this many guests! Kunou: Prepare to do battle, Sasuke! They will remember this battle forever! Sasuke: But there are so many of them! Kunou: The harder the battle, the greater the glory! With me in command, we cannot lose! Kodachi: Of course. Sasuke, hold them off while we prepare for battle. Sasuke: But...but... Kodachi: Obey! Sasuke: Yes, mistress. (He charges the horde.) Kunou: I cannot let him fight alone. (Turns to go) (Kodachi bonks him on the head, knocking him out. She hefts him and runs.) Kodachi: Urk, he's heavy. The things I do out of sisterly concern will kill me one day....if they don't kill him first. (She bounces off towards the mountain-side) ************************** (Cut to Aiko sitting on her throne. She is surrounded by dozens of battered monks. Sasuke is hog-tied in front of her.) Aiko: You will tell me everything. Do you understand? Sasuke: Yes...mistress. Wha..What do you wish to know? Aiko: Who were those two, who sent them, and where have they taken my precious lotus to? I have been sitting in this stupid temple for a hundred years waiting for it to bloom! The oil that can be made from it will augment my powers a thousand fold! I intend to have the blooms for myself, not two stupid children. Even if one of them is handsome...Hmmm...and quite vulnerable to seduction...Hmmm. You know where they live, don't you? Sasuke: Er..ah..well.... (Aiko stares at him for a moment, then starts to gesture to one of the monks.) Sasuke: Yes, yes I know. Aiko: Good. We will be taking a little trip, then. Pack my best dresses, monks. I want to make a good first impression, so that they too will know how beautiful I am. You will stay here and guard the temple. I will handle this one alone. [So you incompetents don't bumble it for me.] And get this place clean! (The monks nod.) Aiko: The lotus is mine and I shall have it! (She gets out a mirror and starts combing her hair.) Aiko: I am just so lovely even I can't stand it sometimes. ***************************** (Three days ago. We see Kunou and Kodachi enter the Nekohanten. Shampoo is busily serving customers, while Mousse is manning the cash register. ) Kunou: We have come with the lotus. Where is the troll? Mousse: Lotus? Troll? Oh, you mean Cologne. Shampoo: Great-grandmother is no troll! Kodachi: Where is she? Shampoo: You already know, Kasumi. You saw it. Kodachi: Kasumi? (Mousse flips down Shampoo's glasses.) Shampoo: Oops. Kodachi: So where is she, Shampoo? Shampoo: Uh...(blushes a bit) Mousse: (laughs a little) She is on a trip with her darling...(falls over laughing) Hap...Hap....HA HA HA HA!!!! Shampoo: It not funny, Mousse! (to Kunou and Kodachi) Why you want to talk to Great-grandmother? Kunou: She offered to help make the...(Kodachi covers his hand with her mouth.) asdkrj owroieu owi loe. Kodachi: (looks at Mousse) Watch him Kunou. I'll handle this. Kunou: Why do I need to watch him laugh? (Kunou watches Mousse laugh maniacally) Mousse: Revenge! Ha ha ha ha!!!!! In magical love with Happy....he he he he.... (Kodachi sidles over to Shampoo) Kodachi: Do you know what a century lotus is? Shampoo: Of course! Makes a magic perfume of love. Kodachi: Your great-grandmother sent us to get her one. She agreed to give us three fourths of the oil if we would bring it to her. Can you make it? Shampoo: Yes. Kodachi: Will you honor your great-grandmother's deal? Shampoo: Yes. (thought in Chinese) [She must be lying. Great-grandmother would never make a bad deal like that. They must want to cheat me. I'll take it all and get my Ranma back from that evil tomboy Akane.] Deal. Give me the lotus. I'll make the oil. (Mousse's eyes flicker over to the whispering couple for a moment. He gets up, still chuckling.) Mousse: Did Colo...the troll send you to fetch her something? Kunou: A flower. The century lotus. It will enable me to get Akane and the pig-tailed girl away from that evil sorcerer Saotome forever! HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Mousse: (thought) [The magic of the century lotus! I certainly can't let a pair of kooks like Kunou and Kodachi have it. And if Shampoo has it, she'll just try to snare Ranma again. I can't let her do that. Why can't she learn that you can't force someone to love you...not if you want it to be real love, like the love I feel for her. Oh, Shampoo, why do you deny my love for you? Even after I have beaten you in battle, you still turn your heart away from me in defiance of the law you claimed to hold to. Why?] Kodachi: (thought) [If the girl thinks I'll let anyone but myself have the oil, she is a fool.] (They all smile false smiles at each other.) ****************************** (Two days ago. We see Kodachi hard at work in her lab working on a new concoction.) Kodachi: This should be useful. I should have made some stink bombs a long time ago. This way I can take out lots of people at the same time. This stench is so powerful, they should collapse choking. I need to test it. Hmm, I wonder if my brother is around? (Scene cuts to Kunou's room. He is sitting on the bed. There is a giant poster of Akane on the wall behind him. He is looking back and forth between a picture of Akane and a picture of Ranma-chan.) Kunou: How will I ever decide between my lovelies? You are both so dear to me. To think I almost forgot you when I met that fair maiden. Ahh, how lovely she was with her hair like the pig-tailed girl and... (The door swings open and a small red egg flies in, shattering at Kunou's feet. A cloud of noxious green gas pours out, flooding the room. Kunou collapses holding his nose.) Kunou: Smell...too strong...can't fight...it. (He collapses.) (Kodachi enters with a gas mask on. She starts a timer. Ten minutes later, the gas dissipates and Kunou recovers.) Kodachi: Excellent! Thanks for helping me with my project, brother dear. Kunou: Why did you desire such a foul stench? Even the pits of hell must smell less stygian than that. Kodachi: Just testing my new formula. Ha ha ha ha! (She runs out laughing maniacally.) ******************************************* (The scene cuts to the dojo. Ranma is sparring in the backyard with Genma. Akane is nearby busily breaking bricks. Kasumi is sitting on the porch watching a butterfly near the pond.) Ranma: Try and get me, old man! (Genma leaps at Ranma, who starts to jump off to one side, but suddenly sneezes and gets clipped by Genma, who sends him into orbit. At the same time, Akane sneezes.) Ranma: What the....? (He goes soaring off out of sight.) Kasumi: Someone must have been thinking of him. Akane: And me? Kasumi: No one says it has to be the same person. (pause) I got another letter from my pen-pal today. Akane: Neat. Any exciting news? Kasumi: She sent me an invitation to come visit her this summer. Akane: In America? Kasumi: I'd like to go, but... Akane: But? Kasumi: I'm worried about how Father will take it. Akane: Why do you think Dad would mind? Kasumi: Well, I guess with Mrs. Saotome here, everything will be okay. Akane: Oh, you mean getting the chores done? Kasumi: Things have been much easier here for me since she came...but I don't want to go off and force her to clean up here when she is a guest. And I know father worries so much whenever any of us ever go on long trips. Akane: You deserve a vacation, big sister! Besides, I can help with the cooking and stuff. Genma: (thought) [Her...help with the cooking...Urk...] I'm sure my wife will be happy to take care of the cooking while you are gone, Kasumi. More than happy. Akane won't have to lift a finger in the kitchen. [At least not if I have anything to say about it.] Kasumi: Well, it won't be for a month or two anyway. It isn't quite summer yet. Akane: Yeah. And graduation is coming up for Nabiki and Kunou. Genma: This soon? Kasumi: You've been with us for close to two years now, Mr. Saotome. Genma: Really? I guess it is easy to lose track of time. ****************************************** (We see Sanzenin Mikado and Shiratori Azusa zooming through the streets of Tokyo on roller skates. They are zooming through a crowd. Mikado is focusing on his skating and winking at women, while Azusa keeps grabbing cute things. An array of scarves, dolls, babies, hats, cards, and other things are starting to weigh her down.) Mikado: Must you steal while we are practicing for the roller derby? Azusa: But there's so many cute things to give my love to! (We see the falling Ranma plummeting towards them. They are unaware he is coming.) Ranma: Look out below! Azusa: Eh? Mikado: You! (He swerves to one side, dragging Azusa along with him. Ranma crashes right into the huge pile of cute things she is carrying...sending them everywhere. He ends up wearing several necklaces, has a ladies red hat on, and is veritably swathed in scarves. There are babies crawling all around him and cute little kittens on his chest. He sees them and faints just in time to not notice the horde of angry people approaching who Azusa "borrowed" the cute things from....) *********************************** (Yesterday. We see Aiko and Sasuke walking through the streets of Furinkan. He is on a leash.) Aiko: So where does this perfume person live? Sasuke: Her name is Cologne. Aiko: Cologne? I should have known the old troll was behind this. She has wanted my lotus for over a hundred years. I stopped her during the Boxer Rebellion, but the blooms were lost before I could use them. I will make her suffer for this. I did not sit in that temple for a hundred years waiting for it to bloom just so she could steal it! Sasuke: Why do you want the flower so much, mistress? Aiko: The oil that can be made from it will magnify my powers a thousandfold. Normally, I have to kiss men to enslave them, but with the oil, I will be able to enslave any male who can smell the oil. Sasuke: Forever? Aiko: For as long as they can smell it. Of course that makes it easy to kiss them and make them my eternal slaves! Sasuke: My goodness. Aiko: The power will finally be mine! And I'll never have to set foot in that disgusting, boring temple again! And no more of those stupid monks. Everyone will be able to appreciate my beauty! Hordes of men at my side! I get shivers just at the thought. *********************** (We see Ranma lying on a futon with covers over him. He looks quite battered. Akane is sitting nearby on the floor doing homework while he stares at the ceiling.) Ranma: How much homework did I miss? Akane: Too much homework. Ranma: Did they buy the excuse I gave you? Akane: I told them you strained your back while stupidly lifting heavy objects to show off. Ranma: What? Akane: Would you rather I told them you got beat up by a bunch of women who caught you dressed up in their clothes because you were too afraid of their kittens to run away? Ranma: It was an accident! And what was wrong with the story I gave you to give them? Akane: They'd never believe it. You never get sick, ever. Especially not with Denebian Swine Flu or whatever it was you supposedly got. Ranma: Hmmph. I should have just gotten up and gone to school. I feel pretty good now that I've had some rest. (He tries to sit up and gets stuck halfway to a sitting position. Akane can't see this, because she is facing away from him, glowering at her books.) Akane: Yeah right. Here's your homework, then. (She sticks an arm backwards holding the homework...it is just out of his reach...but he can't get unstuck enough to turn and get it.) Akane: Well, I'm not going to hold my arm out all day. (Ranma makes a desperate pivoting swing about to try to get it, misses, and spins about, then falls with his back to the ground and legs in the air.) Akane: I'm not going to...(She has turned around and sees him stuck.) Time to visit Dr. Tofu again, I see. Ranma: I really hate the Golden Pair... Akane: You can get even when you can move under your own power. Ranma: I'm fine! Just fine! (He spins around like a knocked over beetle.) Akane: Sure you are. (She bends down and picks him up.) Ranma: This is so embarrassing. Akane: (sighs) I'll wet you down on the way out if you prefer not to be seen with me? Ranma: Yes! No! I mean...I just don't.... Akane: (a little irritated) What? Ranma: Guys aren't supposed to be carried by women! Akane: (drops Ranma) Then you carry me. Ranma: I can't move! Akane: (hefts him again) Then shut up or I'll ask Kasumi to come to Dr. Tofu's with us. (Ranma falls deathly silent.) Akane: Stupid macho men. Hmph. ********************************** (We see Ranma at Dr. Tofu's, laid out on the table. Akane stands nearby as Dr. Tofu examines him.) Dr. Tofu: Hmm. You should have been okay. Ranma: All I did was try to sit up. Dr. Tofu: I must have missed something last time. (He pokes Ranma in several places.) Dr. Tofu: Now try to sit up. (Ranma sits up) Ranma: I feel a lot better! Dr. Tofu: I think you might want to be careful for the next few days. Your chi is still a little out of balance. A sufficient blow to any of these points (points out five places in Ranma's chest) might paralyze you again for a few minutes. You should be fine after you've had enough rest. Ranma: Okay. Akane: Well, we'd better get home. Dr. Tofu: Say hi to everyone for me. Akane: Sure thing, Dr. Tofu. (She and Ranma head out of the clinic and down the street.) Ranma: I feel great. Akane: You'd better be careful, Ranma. You know Dr. Tofu is never wrong about this sort of thing. Ranma: Hah. I'm too good to get hit by losers like the Golden Pair. They'll never touch me. Now I just have to find them... Akane: You're going to take them on by yourself? Ranma: Maybe I can use P-chan as bait. Akane: Are you listening to me? (Ranma is obviously lost in thought.) Ranma: But where am I going to get a set of roller skates? If I try to take them on foot, I might not be able to keep up with them. Akane: Hmph! Ranma no Baka! (Akane storms off angrily.) Ranma: (finally looking around) Akane, do you think that...hey, Akane? (He sees her stomping off in the distance.) Ranma: Hey, Akane! (He runs off after her.) *********************** (Today. We see Shampoo in the kitchen. She is pouring a concoction from a pot into five glass bottles. ) Shampoo: (in chinese) (She checks inside the cabinets, under the sink, behind all the doors into the room, and even checks the ceiling. She smiles, and picks up the five bottles and puts them in her pocket. Then she loudly slams a cabinet.) Shampoo: (loudly) (Shampoo goes over to the door out of the kitchen back towards the living quarters, opens it, and slams it. Mousse sprints into the kitchen over to the spice cabinet. He starts rooting through it. Shampoo smiles and pulls out two bonbori. She taps him on the shoulder.) Mousse: (His eyes get big. He turns around, and Shampoo whacks him across the room with her bonbori. She takes out one oil bottle.) Shampoo: Mousse: (Shampoo grabs some pepper and hands it to him...then slaps his hand so it goes in his face. He collapses sneezing.) Shampoo: (Mousse snags the bottle in her hand with a hurled chain and hook. He quickly opens it ) Mousse: (The door behind Shampoo quietly opens a little.) Mousse: (He chugs down the oil, then turns green and staggers.) Shampoo: (She digs through her pockets, and has to remove the four oil bottles to get to a small packet of powder at the bottom of one pocket. She quickly runs and gets Mousse a glass of water. She pours the powder into the glass. Mousse drinks and looks a little bit better.) Mousse: Shampoo: Mousse: Shampoo: (takes off her glasses and tosses them on the counter.) (She is now arguing with the refrigerator.) Mousse: (gently turns her around) (We see a feminine hand snag the four oil bottles) Shampoo: Mousse: (They turn and see Kodachi sprint out the door with the oil. She slams the door. Mousse runs, opens the door and runs after her. Shampoo leaps after Mousse, and gets hit by the opening door, which slams her into the wall. She gets up and starts fumbling around looking for her glasses on the counter.) ******************** (We see Mousse chasing Kodachi roof to roof to roof. She is always one roof ahead of him. He keeps hurling weapons at her, but she dodges every weapon he throws. ) Kodachi: You'll never catch me! Ranma-sama will be mine, all mine! HA HA HA HA!!!! Mousse: (thought) [How can I catch her? She's very good at dodging. I'm almost out of thrown weapons. ] (She leaps off the roof into a yard with a pond and a tree. Mousse realizes he is on the roof of the Tendo dojo. Looking down, he sees Genma and Ranma sparring. Akane is sitting nearby fuming. Kodachi bounces over to Ranma.) Ranma: Ah!...Kodachi!? Kodachi: Ranma! Hold on while I...(She is holding a bottle. Mousse throws a sai and knocks it out of her hands. She turns and looks up, seeing him diving at her, a veritable porcupine of weaponry. She leaps back, and he lands and grabs the bottle. Then he snares the other bottles with weapons on chains.) Ranma: What's going on here? Mousse: She was trying to snare you with mind-control potions! Ranma: I...hey, why are you helping me? Mousse: She stole them from me! Kodachi: From you? Shampoo's the one I stole them from! Ranma: She'll never give up, will she? Mousse: They are mine now! Goodbye! (He throws down a smoke pellet and vanishes through the smoke.) Kodachi: Be back soon, Ranma-sama! (She tosses a single black rose to Ranma and runs off laughing.) **************************** (We see Mousse running through the streets. ) Mousse: (He soon reaches the Nekohanten. He runs in...and encounters Shampoo in the kitchen. She is not wearing her glasses...she doesn't even have them up on her head. They are in fact, still on the counter. She turns to Mousse.) Shampoo: Mousse? Mousse: (He blinks. Sudden realization that he has not gotten around to disposing of the oil yet.) Shampoo: You are so handsome, Mousse. (She advances on him, smiling.) Mousse: Shampoo: (Puts her arms around his shoulders) I can't imagine why I took this long to realize that. You defeated me in battle. You are my rightful husband. Mousse: (double blinks) (She runs her hands up and down along his body. His face turns red. ) Mousse: (thought) [I've never heard her speak Japanese so well before. And why is she ...Why am I complaining? ] Mousse: Shampoo: Shut up and kiss me, you big handsome hunk of a male. (They kiss. Mousse's eyes glaze over. She lets go of him and steps back.) Shampoo: Jump up and down, Mousse. (He jumps up and down.) Shampoo: Hit yourself in the head with this mallet, Mousse. (He whacks himself in the head.) Shampoo: Nice to know I can still enslave men with a kiss. I wasn't sure I could still do that. None of those monks were worth kissing. It's been so long. (She snags the bottles of oil from Mousse's pockets and annoints herself with one of them). He he ! This town will be mine! (She opens a cabinet and pulls out Sasuke.) Shampoo: You were right. He did fall for this form. Sasuke: (As he smells the fragrant oil, his eyes glaze over) I never lie, dearest heart. I know many secrets. Shampoo: Good. With them, we will rule this town. It looks much more fun than that stuffy old monastery. (She shimmers...and her form alters to another of her many forms...Aiko. She opens another cabinet, this one holding a tied up Shampoo.) Aiko: Take her to the basement! It is time for me to establish my rule! ********************** (We see Mousse, Sasuke, and some random men carrying Aiko on a sedan chair through the streets of Nerima. They approach the Tendo dojo.) Aiko: First we must take out these martial artists. They are the biggest remaining threat. Mousse: Gladly will we fight for you, o wonderful light of my life. Aiko: Heh. This will be no fight at all. (They help her out of the chair and carry her up to the front door and into the house. They enter the living room, where Soun is playing shogi with Ryouga. Ryouga looks confused, perhaps because Soun is cheating as usual. Nabiki is doing homework nearby and Kasumi is watching television. They look up as Aiko enters and the fragrant oil reaches their nostrils. Soun and Ryouga's eyes glaze over.) Kasumi: Hi, are you our new neighbor? Aiko: Take the women. I need trained servants. Nabiki: Servants? You've got the wrong woman in mind if you think I'm going to serve you. Aiko: Carry them if they resist. (Soun picks up Kasumi and Ryouga hefts Nabiki.) Nabiki: What are you doing, Ryouga baby? Ryouga: The will of my goddess. Nabiki: Ryouga! Snap out of it! (Ryouga tries snapping his fingers. Nabiki moans as the procession heads into the backyard. Ranma and Genma are sparring, while Akane sits glowering at them, and Nodoka waters some flowers. ) Nodoka: Hello? Aiko: Take them! (The scent reaches Ranma and Genma. Their eyes glaze over. Genma hefts Nodoka, but when Ranma tries to grab Akane, she jumps back.) Akane: What are you doing, Ranma? You can't just grab me like that! (He clumsily lunges again. She jumps away.) Akane: I won't put up with this! (She notices all the other men carrying various women.) Akane: What's going on here? Aiko: Take her, you fool! Ranma: (robotlike)Yes, my love. Akane: Ranma? Nabiki: That red head is mind-controlling them somehow! Akane: Snap out of it Ranma! (Nabiki beats fruitlessly on Ryouga's back. Ranma lunges for Akane. Akane kicks him back into the mob, causing them to fall down. They dump Aiko on the ground. She gets very angry.) Aiko: YOU!!!! How care you! No one does that to the Bishoujo Kitsune and gets away with it! Akane: Free my friends! Aiko: Take her! (The horde of men closes in on Akane. She begins methodically beating them into the ground. Soon, the only men standing are Ranma, Ryouga, Mousse, Genma, and Soun. Aiko seems quite displeased.) Aiko: What are you waiting for! Attack her! Mousse: (Now the only person holding Aiko up.) But we all have our hands full carrying people. Aiko: Drop them! Grab her! (They all drop the women and charge Akane. This includes Mousse, who drops Aiko like a sack of potatoes.) Aiko: OW!!! (They soon overwhelm Akane, and tie her up in a sack. ) Aiko: Now I shall set myself up in style. But first, we'll need to stop off at the spatula girl's place and grab her. I need a good cook. Then we'll grab the magician so he can't interfere. (We hear Akane's muffled voice but can't tell what it says.) ********************************** (At the Kunou mansion, Kunou and Kodachi are trying to make plans.) Kodachi: Blast! Not only did we get cheated out of our fair share of the oil, that woman has enslaved my Ranma-sama! Only I am allowed to do that! Kunou: I cannot find either of my darlings anywhere.... (He weeps) Kodachi: If only I hadn't lost the oil to Mousse...or if I could have gotten to Gosunkugi before the woman got him...I wonder if there is more of the oil in the Nekohanten? Kunou: AKANE! WHERE ARE YOU? MY PONY TAIL GIRL! I LONG FOR YOU! Kodachi: Can you be quiet! She has enslaved my Ranma! You don't hear me whining about it. Kunou: She has enslaved Ranma...but that means...that means... Kodachi: Ha! I know that must make you happy. Kunou: She is holding my pig-tailed girl too! Kodachi: Huh? Kunou: The foul Saotome has been holding my pig-tailed girl to him by the foulest of sorceries...if this sorceress has overcome him, then she now has power over my pony tail girl! SHE MUST BE STOPPED!!! Kodachi: Even you and I cannot fight every person in this town. Every man who smells her falls in love with her. Kunou: You're the devious one in this family! You think of something! Kodachi: Hmmm...(She looks at Kunou) Even if we get close to her, you'll just fall in love with her from the oil. Kunou: NEVER!!!! Nothing can sway me from my loyalty to the pig-tailed girl...and Akane-chan! Kodachi: Yes, of course. Hmmm....Ahh! (She gets out a pair of noseplugs and sticks them up Kunou's nose.) Kodachi: This should do it. Kunou: I cabdn't sbmell andything! Kodachi: That's the idea. Let's go rescue Ranma-sama! Kunou: Abnd the pbony-tail girl abnd Abkabne! Kodachi: What? Kunou: Abnd the pbony-tail girl abnd Abkabne! Kodachi: Whatever. ******************** (We cut to a scene of Aiko in a nice mansion. Its owner is fanning her as she lies on a couch, while Ranma feeds her grapes one by one. She has the mayor, Soun, and the city council dressed up as jesters dancing to amuse her. Gosunkugi is taking dictation for her, while Akemi has to keep bringing Ranma new grapes to feed to Aiko. Through a doorway, we see Ukyou, Kasumi, Nodoka, and several other women busily cooking in the kitchen. Various other men lounge about her as a bunch of grumpy looking women do various chores in the background...including a very angry Nabiki, being forced to wash the floor.) Aiko: If only I had been able to find that red-haired pig-tailed girl named Akane, but no one seems to know where she lives. And the only Akane I could find had black hair. Quite a mystery. I may never be able to prove I am prettier than she is. Oh well, more grapes, Ranma. (He plucks off another handful of grapes for her.) Nabiki: I'm going to sue you for this! See if I don't! Man: (robot like voice) The mistress says you must scrub harder. Nabiki: Hmmph... (Kunou and Kodachi suddenly break through down out of the ceiling.) Kunou: We hab cob for the pbony-tail girl abnd Abkabne! Aiko: What? Kodachi: And Ranma-sama! You can have the rest of the town! I just want my Ranma-sama! Ranma: (Robot-like) I love only the mistress. Only the mistress. Kunou: We hab cob for the pbony-tail girl abnd Abkabne! Aiko: Can't you speak clearly, handsome? I can't tell what you are saying. Kunou: We hab cob for the pbony-tail girl abnd Abkabne! Kodachi: And Ranma-sama! Aiko: Maybe if you take out those noseplugs... Kodachi: No! (Too late. Kunou takes them out. Aiko waves him over. Glassy eyed, he approaches her.) Aiko: Everyone, grab her! (The crowd rushes Kodachi, who leaps straight up to the ceiling. They start forming a human pyramid to get her.) Kodachi: What about the pig-tailed girl, Kunou? And Akane? Kunou: (He looks around and sees Akane being forced to polish silverware) Akane! (Kunou charges through the human pyramid, sending people flying everywhere. He attacks the supervisor who is making all the women work and sends him flying with one blow from his shinai. He helps Akane and Nabiki stand up.) Nabiki: Thanks, Kunou baby. Akane: Ah. Thank you, sempai. Kunou: It was nothing! I would cross any mountain in my love for you! Fight any battle! Cross raging rivers and swim across the ocean! I would eat broken glass to be with you for just one moment! Aiko: Kunou, darling? Come here please. Kunou: (runs over to her, knocking down the new human pyramid, right as it is about to get Kodachi. Aiko sighs and clutches her face for a moment.) Yes, darling? Akane: Eh? Nabiki: It's the love potion affecting him. Akane: What? Nabiki: She has some kind of magic perfume...If I could just get it away from her...I'd show her a thing or two. Aiko: Why did you free that girl? Kunou: That is my beloved Akane! I love her more than life itself! Aiko: Don't you love me more than her? (Kunou runs off with Aiko staring at him.) Kunou: Aiko is so lush and lovely, a red haired beauty...yet Akane is so active and energetic...oh how can I decide between them? (Kunou continues to agonize as the human pyramid slowly wends its way up to Kodachi. Kodachi is raining down pins and paralytic poisons, but the horde keeps reforming the pyramid) Aiko: What is he doing? (Kunou runs over to her) Aiko: Yes? Kunou: I have made my decision! I shall date both of you! (Akane and Aiko face fault. ) Kodachi: This really stinks! Ah ha!!!!! (She gets out a stinkbomb.) Aiko: What? I'm not good enough for you alone? Kunou: I cannot decide between the two of you! (He embraces her) Aiko: I...(thought) [Is the magic not working on him?] (Kodachi throws down the stinkbomb. Everyone caught in the cloud, including Aiko and the huge mountain of men under Kodachi, collapses unconscious from the stench. She leaps over to Ranma ) Kunou: Eww....This stench is more foul than the odors of Hades! Kodachi: Ranma-sama! Ranma: My love! (runs past Kodachi who is standing with open arms and goes over to Aiko. He promptly passes out in the cloud.) Kodachi: What? The spell should have been broken. Akemi: It will take more than a stink to break the spell. If I can free Hikaru, maybe he can break the spell. I wish I knew how to break it. (She sits down and starts thinking.) (The men are now just standing around staring. Nabiki comes over to Ryouga.) Nabiki: Ryouga? Ryouga: ... Nabiki: Stop it! Speak to me! (She starts pounding on his chest. ) Say something! (Akane is just staring at Ranma, about to cry.) Kunou: What is wrong, Akane darling? Akane: I..you...why aren't you just standing around like a robot? Kunou: My love for you drives me on to keep going even when one of my other loves has fallen. How could I ever forget you, Akane? (Akane blushes just a little.) Akane: Your love is stronger than the spell? Kunou: What spell? (The women in the kitchen have come out now that Aiko is down.) Akemi: Ah ha! I have an idea now! Maybe I can use my mystic link to Gosunkugi to pull magic out of him instead of feeding it into him. I could just suck the spell right out. Nabiki: Try it. I don't want to be a slave again when she wakes up. That bomb won't last forever. Kodachi: If it will help free Ranma-sama, do it! (Akemi goes over to Gosunkugi, holds her breath, and drags him out of the stinkbomb cloud. She lays him down on the ground, kneels next to him, and puts her hands on his forehead. She concentrates.) Akemi: Magic, magic, come out of Hikaru. (He glows for a moment, and the glow flows out of him into her, then down into the ground.) Akane: Why did it go into the ground? Akemi: I don't know. i suppose it just tried to go somewhere once it left him through me, and the ground was the next closest thing. (Gosunkugi is still unconscious. Kodachi kneels and pours a little bit of a powder into his mouth. He coughs and wakes up after she makes him swallow it.) Gosunkugi: Wha... Akemi: You need to break the spell on the others. Gosunkugi: I didn't put a spell on anyone! Akemi: Hikaru darling, that evil woman (points to Aiko) has enslaved all the men with evil magic. Her kiss has enslaved them. Do you think you can break the spell? Gosunkugi: Uh, I can try. I don't know if it will work. Akemi: I know you can do it. Gosunkugi: Hmm. (He gets out some chalk and draws a big circle around Aiko and all the men. ) Gosunkugi: Everyone female get out of this circle. (They all do, leaving Aiko lying in the gradually dispersing cloud with the men. Gosunkugi takes Akemi by the hand and whispers to her for a moment. She closes her eyes. ) Gosunkugi: Break the bonds! Shatter the spell! As it began with a kiss, let it end with this spell. All will be free when I ring this bell! (He pulls out a small bell and rings it. Those men who weren't knocked out by the stinkbomb shake their heads. Their eyes clear. ) Genma: What's going on here? Ryouga: I still don't...hey? How'd I get here? (Akane holds her breath, pulls Ranma out of the crowd and shakes him awake.) Akane: You big idiot! How could you let yourself be mind controlled like that! Ranma: I...eh? I'm not an idiot! Kasumi: It's not his fault, Akane. Akane: I just... Nabiki: Get her, Ryouga, before she wakes up! (points to Aiko.) She's the one who did this to you. (When they hear that, all the formerly mind-controlled men turn their attention to Aiko, who is waking up....) Kodachi: You will answer for what you did to Ranma-sama! Aiko: He he...it was just a joke? (Everyone is glaring at her.) (She goes for more of the oil. Kodachi throws a pin and smashes it. She tries a second one, and Kodachi grabs it with a ribbon and flips it off through a window out of sight. She goes for the third one and Kodachi ties her up with a ribbon, causing Aiko to drop and break it. ) Kunou: I am sorry, but you must be punished for your wicked deeds. Aiko: Then I'll have to destroy you all! (She gestures and the room bursts into flames. Just about everyone starts to run, but Kunou rushes through the flames, grabs Aiko and carries her out of the building with everyone else.) Aiko: Put me down! Kunou: I can't let you burn to death, my love! Aiko: Hmm. Time to think of another plan. (Nabiki has a sudden realization and stops running.) Nabiki: Hey, why isn't anything burning up in these flames? Gosunkugi: Illusions? (He waves a piece of paper through the flames. It does not combust.) It's just a trick! Aiko: Let me go or I'll destroy you all! I will! See if I don't! I'm a goddess! Ranma: Yeah, right. Kodachi: Throw her in the dungeon! (Everyone cheers. They haul her off to the Kunou family dungeon, and then everyone goes home. ) **************************** (The mob is going home. The Tendos, Saotomes, and Kunous walk together through the streets of the city. Kodachi is clinging to a blushing Ranma. Akane glares at her for a moment, then Kunou gloms onto her. She almost punts him sky high, then stares at him for a moment.) Akane: Kunou. Kunou: Yes, my darling Akane. Akane: You...you know Ranma and I are getting married, don't you? Kunou: He has tricked you with foul sorceries! I know that deep down, you truly love me, not him. I cannot fathom my sister's attachment to him. Kodachi: Ranma-sama...(snuggles) Ranma: My fiancee is watching! Let go of me, Kodachi! (Nabiki giggles and leans on Ryouga as they walk.) Soun: Let go of her, Ranma! Ranma: Me? Me let go? Soun: Don't forget your engagement to Akane! Ranma: See! You've got to let go of me! Kodachi: Nothing but death will get me to let go of you. Ranma: Ryouga, you've got to help me! Ryouga: You're on your own, Saotome. Ranma: AARGH!!!! (Nodoka smiles. She walks over to Kodachi.) Nodoka: Kodachi-chan, I would like to walk with my son for a while. Do you mind? Kodachi: Hai, Saotome-san. (She lets go of Ranma. Nodoka matches her stride to Ranma's.) Ranma: But..I..she..how? Nodoka: Some things take a woman's touch. (She smiles as Ranma walks along confused.) So when is your next grade report, my son? Ranma: Ahh...err...Soon, I guess. Akane: Next week, Saotome-san. Nodoka: Good. I'm sure you must be a good student, Ranma. I will be proud to see your grades. (Nabiki giggles. Ryouga smirks just a bit. Akane looks concerned and Ranma pales.) Ranma: Yes, of course. ***************************** (We see Ukyou walking down a street alone. She sees something glint from a bush. She looks and sees it is the bottle of the fragrant oil that went out the window. She picks it up and stares at it for a moment. She opens the lid and starts to pour it out, then stops.} Ukyou: With this, I could...I could...no. I can't do that. It wouldn't be right to ensnare him like that. But Shampoo would do it without a moment's hesitation. But I don't want to be like her. Still.... (She hesitates, then turns and hurls it skyward out of sight.) Ukyou: Why didn't I just pour it out? Now someone's just going to find it. I just...I just had to get it away from me. (She sighs and continues walking home. When she reaches her okonomiyaki shop, she notices a glint in a nearby garbage can...the oil bottle. She stops and stares.) (She grabs the bottle and tries to pour it out on the ground. The liquid doesn't come out. She pounds on it like a ketchup bottle. Still no flow. Finally, she throws it at the ground. It bounces. We hear faint evil laughter somewhere in the area.) Ukyou: Get out of my life! (She hurls the bottle skywards again. It zooms out of sight.) Ukyou: I don't need any more temptation... (Tsubasa pops out of the garbage can.) Tsubasa: Would this be a bad time to ask for a date, then? Ukyou: YES!!!!! (She slides her spatula under him and flips him off into the sunset--not the direction she threw the bottle of oil.) ****************** (The lonely fox-lady is in her cell. It is after dark. One of the men she enslaved enters.) Man: So what do you have to say for yourself, kitsune? Bishoujo Kitsune: That's the Bishoujo Kitsune, if you please! Man: You should have stayed at the temple. Bishoujo Kitsune: Yes...How did you know about... Man: And waited for your husband so he wouldn't have to come bail you out of trouble again. (Bishoujo Kitsune blinks.) Man: Sorry, I was late dear. I got held up dealing with those annoying Tanuki trying to steal all the toys I collected on my trip. They held me prisoner for a couple of decades, but I eventually managed to get away from them when some short ugly little man with a cute female companion showed up. He started trying to cling to all their women, and in the confusion, I was able to make my escape. I got to the temple, and discovered you had come here, so I came here looking for you. You should have waited for me to come back before you tried this. Bishoujo Kitsune: It is you! (The man turns into a male nine-tailed fox for a moment, then back to human.) Bishonen Kitsune: Your husband the Bishonen Kitsune is here! I hope you aren't angry with me for leaving you alone for so long. Bishoujo Kitusune: Just get me out of here and all is forgiven. Bishonen Kitsune: Time for us to go back to the temple. (He unlocks the prison and lets her out. She steps out and assumes a short, thin, blonde human form.) I'm not pleased that you ran off and caused this much trouble. It seems like everytime I leave for more than a day, I come back and you've enslaved all the men of some town. Bishoujo Kitsune: But I get so lonely with no one to appreciate my natural beauty but those stupid monks. They don't know how to compliment a woman. And those oaths of celibacy just get in the way. Bishonen Kitsune: Well, I know how beautiful you are. If I thought it would do any good, I'd yell at you...but I know it wouldn't help. Come on. Let's get out of here. Bishoujo Kitsune: I've had enough of this town to last me a while! Bishonen Kitsune: Just wait until I show you this great stuff I picked up in China. it's called Jyusenkyo water... (They walk out of the jail and into the streets. We hear them laughing as they walk out of sight.) End of Episode 1 Much thanks to everyone on my mailing list who helped preread all the versions of this! If you want to comment on this story, flame me, or join the legion of prereaders who correct my every error (thanks guys and gals!) You can reach me at johnbil@wam.umd.edu John Biles johnbil@wam.umd.edu