johnbil@wam.umd.edu (John Walter Biles) *Warning--This fanfic may be difficult to understand if you have not read the fanfic to which it is a sequel--Ranma: Putting Your Heart in the Right Place...Available at the ftp.std.com ftp site or you can e-mail me at johnbil@wam.umd.edu (Start Episode 2) (We see Ryouga running merrily through a field of flowers with Nabiki. She is dressed in a jogging suit with little yen-signs on it. They laugh happily under the bright blue sky. ) Nabiki: This place is so beautiful. Where are we? Ryouga: (looks around) Um, Idaho maybe? I'm not sure, but it looks familiar. Nabiki: Who cares! I could wander the world with you forever. Ryouga: (blushes) Oh Nabiki, you're so... Nabiki: (head moving in on Ryouga for a kiss.) Ryouga, I love you. Ryouga: (closes eyes, head moves in) And I love you, Nabiki. (Screen goes black for a moment--They both have their eyes closed.) Ranma: So what about when the love potion wears off? (Ryouga snaps his eyes open. Ranma has appeared from somewhere and stuck his head in-between Nabiki and Ryouga. Nabiki looks angry. Ryouga looks stunned, then angry.) Ryouga: What are you doing? (Ranma keeps moving in on Ryouga who backs up, angry but confused by what Ranma is doing.) Ranma: This can't go on forever. Sooner or later, the potion will wear off, and she'll own you again. You'll be her slave. (Nabiki races around and puts an arm on Ryouga's shoulder.) Nabiki: Never! I'll never stop loving Ryouga! Ryouga: And my love for Nabiki will never fade, magic or no! Ranma: Just like your love for Akane? (Ryouga winces and shuts his eyes for a second.) Ryouga: That...That's over! I've given up on her! Ranma: That's the magic speaking, not you. Nabiki: Liar! Ranma: You're both living a lie. Ryouga: We are not! Ranma: Living in a dream world that can't possibly endure. Ryouga: Shut up. Ranma: Once the spell breaks, you're doomed, Ryouga. I've got Akane, and you'll have a slave master. You'll never have Akane's love, and you'll never be able to keep Nabiki's. Ryouga: SHUT UP! (Akane walks up from off-screen and leans up against Ranma, who puts an arm around her waist.) Akane: He's right, Ryouga. You've got days at best before that love potion wears off. And then your life will be a living hell, watching us together and doing Nabiki's bidding. Ryouga: (Starting to glow red. His face is suffused with rage. He is twitching with the effort of controlling himself.) BE QUIET OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!! Akane: It's obvious. Look. (She gestures to the red string that runs from her left hand to Ranma's left hand. Then she points to the red string running from Ryouga's left hand to Nabiki's left hand. It is slowly becoming translucent and fading away. There is another red string running from Nabiki's right hand to her wallet, which is sticking out of her pants pocket. And there is a blue string between Akane and Ryouga, but the blue paint is slowly fading away, revealing the red underneath. Ryouga stares at this and becomes even more angry.) Ryouga: YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME RANMA! THIS IS JUST ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SCHEMES TO MAKE ME MISERABLE! EVERYTHING I DO FAILS BECAUSE OF YOU! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL OF IT!!!!! I WON'T LET YOU DO IT AGAIN THIS TIME! Ranma: When have you ever been able to stop me from doing whatever I want, Ryouga? If I wanted Nabiki, I could take her from you even under the love potion. Maybe I will just to watch you squirm. Ryouga: BASTARD!!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!!!!!!!! (He gathers his energies and shouts to the heavens.) ROARING LION BULLET!!!!! (He fires a massive blast of energy at Ranma. Light flares everywhere. When it clears, there is nothing left where Ranma and Akane were standing, except for an little bit of ash. Ryouga suddenly freezes in place. ) Ryouga: A...akane? (He looks around.) Oh my god, I've killed Akane. (He falls on his knees. Nabiki shakes, stares at him and screams in rage.) Nabiki: You bastard! You killed my sister, fighting with Ranma like a little brat! I always knew you'd do something like this! I hate you! Ryouga: Nabiki...no...I didn't mean to... Nabiki: You're going to rot! First in jail, then in Hell! Ryouga: No, no, no. It was...I didn't mean to... (He is kneeling in front of Nabiki, crying as she yells at him and pounds on his head.) Nabiki: I'll kill you myself for doing that!!!! (Nabiki runs away crying. Suddenly we hear a falling sound and two sets of feet land on Ryouga's head as Akane and Ranma drop out of the sky and stomp Ryouga into the ground in unison.) Ryouga: I...but you...the ash... Ranma: Heh. You didn't think that pathetic move could possibly stop me, did you? We just jumped out of the way. You couldn't even hit Akane with your blast, and you know how clumsy she is. (Akane mallets Ranma into the ground.) Ranma: See, I can't avoid her, but I can avoid you. You stink. Nabiki: I hate you Ryouga! You're going to pay. Hey, Akane, want to hear a secret? Akane : See, Ranma was right. Now you are alone. Sure Nabiki, what? Ryouga: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He gathers his energy again. More and more and more. He is glowing very brightly.) Nabiki: Hey, Ranma, get me a bucket of water. I have to show Akane something. Ranma: Sure thing, sister-in-law. (He pulls a bucket of water off a nearby branch and hands it to Nabiki.) Nabiki: Now watch this Akane. You've been wondering where P-chan is, right? Akane: Yes. I haven't been able to find him. Nabiki: (evil grin) Watch carefully. Nothing up my sleeve. (She throws the bucket of water at Ryouga . The water vaporizes to steam on his aura.) Ryouga: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ROARING LION BULLET EXPLOSION! (Energy explodes in all directions. We see Akane, Nabiki and Ranma blasted to ash this time as the energy turns the flowery field into a barren waste. Ryouga is left crying in the center of a wasteland.) ******************************** (The scene cuts to the roof of the Tendo Dojo. We see Ryouga's tent pitched on the roof. It is a quiet night with a crescent moon. The silence is broken by a scream from the tent.) Ryouga: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ROARING LION BULLET EXPLOSION! (Energy explodes from the tent, vaporizing it to dust, blowing bats out of the sky, and charring or damaging all the adjacent buildings' roofs. Lights flick on all over the neighborhood a few seconds later.) Voices: What the hell is going on out there?...Something exploded...A fire?...Call the police!...The Fire department!....the AMP!...The Orkin Army!...What's going on?...I wish they would close that stupid dojo down so we could get some peace and quiet. (Within moments, we see Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, Genma, and Soun at various windows of the Tendo house trying to figure out what is going on.) Soun: My house isn't on fire again, is it? Ranma: That sounded like Ryouga, but I've never seen him make an explosion that big. (He is looking at the damaged neighbor's houses.) Akane: Is he fighting someone up there? Nabiki: Ryouga? Are you okay? (The neighbors are starting to pour out of their houses in their pajamas, milling about angrily.) Soun: I'd better wake Saotome-kun. I think we may be about to have problems. (Brief cut to Genma's room. He is throwing clothing and items into a large bag.) Nodoka: What are you doing, husband? Genma: In my long travels, I learned when to fight, and when to run away. This is definitely one of those times. Nodoka: Why do you want to run away, anyway? We cannot abandon Tendo-san in this time of need. (Sweat drop on Genma's forehead) Genma: I was afraid you would say that. (Back outside, we see Nabiki leaning out the window trying to see up to the roof. All is silent there as far as she can tell. Ranma leaps over to the window, grabs her, and springs up to the roof with her.) Nabiki: Thank you, Ranma. (Ranma suddenly realizes Nabiki is dressed only in her undergarments, and blushes. He puts her down fast as Akane springs up to the roof.) Ranma: Uh...you're welcome. (They all turn around and can see Ryouga lying amidst a pile of ashes. Only his backpack, his clothing, and his umbrella are left untouched. The roof is burnt black and badly damaged. There are several dead bats in the area. Ryouga is twitching and crying and moaning at the same time with his eyes shut. Nabiki runs over to him and shakes him.) Nabiki: Ryouga, Ryouga...what's wrong? Ryouga: (eyes still shut) I killed them...no. I've got to undo it somehow. I didn't mean to.... (Nabiki holds him and keeps shaking him.) Akane: Maybe if we threw some water on him, he'd wake up. Nabiki, Ranma: (in unison) NO! (They look at each other and blink.) Akane: You didn't have to yell at me! (She looks a little angry.) Ryouga: Akane? But I... (Nabiki pries an eye open.) Nabiki: Hello, lover boy. You alive in there? (Ryouga's other eye snaps open. He stares at Nabiki like a drowning man deprived of water.) Ryouga: You...you're alive? Nabiki: Of course I am, darling. I'm right here holding you. Ryouga: I'm so glad you're alive! Alive! I love you! I'll never forget that! (Nabiki stares at him in confusion) Nabiki: I love you too, Ryouga darling. Ranma: Hate to break up this tender moment, but I think we've got trouble coming. (He points into the neighborhood. We can see the pajama-clad neighbors have gathered with pitchforks and torches and are charging towards the dojo.) Horde: Revenge!!!!!!!! ************************* Furinkan Summer A Fanfic series based on Ranma 1/2 by Rumiko Takahashi Sequel to Ranma--Putting Your Heart in the Right Place By John Biles Episode 2: Ryouga's big Teacher Meeting day! "Summer Fields" (by John Biles) Anger hides a loving heart; Anger drives us far apart. Only love can heal the pain, For your smile brings the rain That helps love's fields to grow. Walk with me through summer fields So we can help our hearts to heal. Stride through grass and smell the air Under the sun without a care. I want to spend my time with you. We hid our love behind our pride, Never letting anyone inside. To end those lies must be our task; Tear down the walls; Throw out the masks We used to hide from love. Walk with me through summer fields So we can help our hearts to heal. Stride through grass and smell the air Under the sun without a care. I want to spend my time with you. Love does not end with "I Love You", Not if what we said is true. We have to strive to make it grow. We have to let our feelings show Else love will fade like dew. ************************* (The horde is still gathered in the yard of the Tendo house. They are busy trying to get all their torches lit as Soun looks down at them.) Soun: Please don't burn my house! Horde: We've had enough of you weirdos! We should have done this a long time ago! Soun: But where will we go? This is my ancestral home! Horde: You should have thought about that before blowing our roofs off! Soun: But, but... Nabiki: Burn down my house and I'll sue! Random Guy: I'm not scared of you! (She waves some pictures.) Nabiki: What about these? You wouldn't want your wife to see these, would you? Random Guy: You..you wouldn't! Nabiki: Of course I would! Without hesitation or guilt! Random Guy's wife: And what might these photos be, dear? (She drags him off whining and pleading for mercy.) Ranma: What were those photos? (He looks and sees photos of Ranma-chan that Nabiki is probably planning on selling to Kunou. ) Ranma: You lied to him. Nabiki: If he wasn't guilty, he wouldn't have reacted like that, now would he? Ryouga: She's right, Ranma. (turns to Nabiki) How did you know he had a guilty secret? Nabiki: Everyone has guilty secrets. You just have to know how to push the right buttons to get at them. (Ryouga glances over at Akane, who is looking down at the horde, and he gulps.) Ryouga: I suppose you're right. (The horde is ready to charge the house, but then Kasumi walks out of the house in a nightgown with a bathrobe over it.) Kasumi: Are we having a block meeting? Horde: We're here to burn down your house! Please stand aside so we don't accidentally trample you. Kasumi: Wouldn't you rather just have some tea and go to bed? It's really cold out tonight. Random woman: It is rather cold. Random man: Some tea would be nice. Kasumi: When I heard all the commotion, I prepared some nice herbal tea. Won't everyone come inside and have some? But you'd better not bring the torches or you'll set off the smoke alarms. (They all put out their torches and go inside with her, except for one lone guy.) Guy: Hey! What are you doing? Random Woman 2: Getting some tea. Guy: Every time we decide to burn down this place, you end up going inside for tea instead! When are we going to finally have a proper riot around here? Random Woman 2: (shrugs) I like tea. You can try to burn the place down yourself if you like. (She heads inside. He stands defiantly in the yard.) Guy: I think I will. Burn, evil place, burn! (He rushes towards the Tendo house, then stops about five feet away from it. He is running in place, but not moving. He looks back. Ranma, Akane, and Ryouga are all holding onto his shirt.) Guy: Uh, hi. Akane: Put out the torch. Now! Guy: But...I don't know how. Ryouga: Right. (Ryouga hefts the guy and throws him in the pool.) Ryouga: Water works pretty well for putting out fires. Guy: I hate living in this neighborhood. *************************************** (The next morning, the house is a mess. There are sleeping neighbors everywhere with half-consumed glasses of tea and plates of snacks. Kasumi and the others pick their way around the mob as they sleepily gather for breakfast. Ranma and Genma heft one particularly huge neighbor off the table, which he was using for a bed.) Nodoka: Does this happen often? Kasumi: These midnight tea parties are such a mess to clean up afterward. Soun: They usually aren't quite that angry. Genma: (snagging food off snack plates as he makes his way to his place at the table) Looks like Kasumi has her work cut out for her. Nodoka: Yes, we'll all be busy cleaning up while the children are at school. Genma: All? I think I have to go visit someone. Yes, I distinctly remember Tendo-san and I had to go visit an old friend today. Soun: What? Genma: You forgot? How could you ever forget such a dear friend of ours? Soun: (looks confused) I have no idea what you're talking about. Genma: He's so worried about our old friend, he's developed amnesia, dear wife. I must take him at once before he forgets anything else. Soun: I don't have amnesia! (Genma drags Soun towards the door.) Genma: We must go at once! Soun: My breakfast...... (They vanish out the door.) Kasumi: How sweet of them rushing off before breakfast to visit an old friend. (Nodoka smiles a little.) Nodoka: (loudly) I suppose we'll have to give Genma's breakfast to everyone else then. What part of it do you want, my son? Ranma: Pop's not going to like that. You know how much he likes his breakfast. (Nodoka smiles sweetly at Ranma.) Nodoka: (loudly) What? I really don't know if I can let you have his honeyed rice cakes. They're his favorite after all. He might want them when he comes back. (Pause. Everyone looks confused, except Nabiki who is beginning to grin.) Ryouga: (whispered to Nabiki) Ranma didn't ask for anything. I'm really surprised too. He eats like a...uh, he eats a lot. Nabiki: (whispered back) Watch and learn, dear. Watch and learn. Nodoka: (Loudly) Well, you are my only son. How can I deny you your father's rice cakes? What point is there in saving any of his breakfast, when he is already well on his way to visit an old friend, who is no doubt dying of some horrid disease? (For a moment, we hear something rattle out on the porch. Kasumi stares at Nodoka, then her eyes open wide for a moment. Akane still looks confused. Ranma blinks, then gets an evil smile.) Ranma: Heh. (loudly) Thanks, mom! (He makes loud chomping noises) Hmm. These rice cakes are good! I'm glad pop ran off and left them for me! Hey, Akane, you want the rest of pop's breakfast? (Akane blinks, then clues in as the rattling gets a bit louder. The doors to the porch crack open just a bit. ) Akane: (loudly) Why thank you Ranma! This food is really nice. (loud chomping noises. Ryouga rubs his head) Why, we'll eat up all of your father's breakfast in just a moment. Kasumi: Hmm. I think I'm going to need to go shopping for more food. This breakfast took up almost everything I had left that isn't canned. If they come back any time soon, there may not be anything for them to eat. (Stomping and rustling noises from the porch. Nodoka looks over and grins.) Nodoka: (loudly) Kasumi, can you open the door to the porch? I think we need a little fresh air. (Kasumi gets up and heads for the door. She throws it open. Genma is standing there twitching and looking desperate, while Soun just looks confused. Genma sees his food hasn't been eaten yet and runs over and starts wolfing it down. He cries tears of relief.) Genma: My breakfast. All mine. Mine! (He finishes gobbling it all down, then turns a little green and falls over.) Ranma: Uh oh. (looks at Kasumi) Did you fix all of this yourself? Akane: Are you insinuating something, Ranma? (looks a little irritated) I didn't fix it if that's what you're about to ask! Kasumi: I think he ate too quickly. Genma: I feel too ill to move. Nodoka: I guess your friend will have to wait. You should be feeling better by the time we're ready to get started cleaning house. Genma: Great... Nodoka: And you forgot that we're going to see your old friend tomorrow. Genma: We are? Nodoka: Don't you remember? Genma: Remember...oh yes. Ranma: Who are you going to go visit, pop? Nodoka: Yotsuya Ito called us yesterday and said he would be in town for the next couple of days. We're going over tomorrow afternoon. We probably won't be back until late that night. Genma: I haven't seen him in at least six years. I wonder if he knows Happousai got out of the cave? Ranma: I wonder where the old pervert is now? Genma: Who knows? Nabiki: Who cares? ********************** (We cut briefly to a scene of Happousai leading the magically youthened and besmitten Cologne through a misty mountain pass. The mist clears, and they look down on the valley of Jyusenkyo.) Happousai: (thought) [I can't believe I've managed to keep her away from hot water all this time! This is ecstasy! Now I've just got to find the pool that permanent water comes from...I'll have my wonderful Cologne-chan forever! And I can bring some back so I can have my wonderful Ranma-chan forever too! I'm so happy!] ********************** (A little while later, everyone is racing around the house trying to get their stuff so they won't be late for school. Ryouga is standing with his backpack by the front door, holding on tightly to the knob.) Kasumi: Is something wrong, Ryouga? Ryouga: What? Kasumi: You're holding onto the knob as if your life depended on it. Ryouga: I guess I'm just a little tense. Kasumi: Don't worry about the roof. We're always having problems like that. Ryouga: I was worried about that. But I'm also worried because I have to make it to a teacher meeting tomorrow evening. Kasumi: Do you have other commitments you're going to have to miss? Ryouga: No. I just don't want to miss it. Kasumi: So what's the problem? Ryouga: I..uh..was (voice dips a lot in volume) worried about getting lost on the way there. Kasumi: Can't Nabiki take you? Ryouga: She's going to go to the Economics' club's academic competition in Yokohama tomorrow night. I was going to go until this meeting got scheduled for tonight. Kasumi: I'm sure Ranma or Akane will be happy to escort you there. (Ranma sprints into the room followed by Akane and Nabiki.) Ranma: (grabs his box lunch off the table.) We're going to be late! C'mon Ryouga! (Nabiki and Akane grab their lunches. Nabiki grabs Ryouga's hand as she goes by.) Ryouga: We're late? Nabiki: We wasted ten minutes searching the entire house for you. (They all sprint out the door and into the street. Nabiki is starting to breathe heavily, while the others are having no trouble at all.) Ryouga: Why? Nabiki: We told you to wait at the door. Ryouga: I was waiting at the door. Nabiki: Well, someone told us you weren't there....(glares at Ranma) Ranma: I didn't think he'd be able to find the front door, so I didn't bother looking. Nabiki: Moron! If we're late, it's all your fault, Ranma! (She storms ahead...for about two seconds..then starts falling back from exhaustion. Ryouga picks her up.) Ryouga: Hmph. Ranma...do you think you could... Ranma: NO!! Ryouga: But... Ranma: Forget about it. (storms off angrily, leaping up onto a rooftop and sprinting off. Akane leaps up and chases after him.) Akane: Where do you think you're going? We'll be late for school! Ranma: Moron. Hmph. Ryouga: Hey Akane! Do you think you could.... Akane: Come back here, Ranma! (She ignores Ryouga and chases off out of sight after Ranma.) Nabiki: Well, at least we won't be late. Ryouga: I wish I could come to your competition, Nabiki-chan. Nabiki: Me too. It's not your fault the principal scheduled that stupid meeting so you couldn't come. Ryouga: Nabiki-chan, do you ever...I mean...I've been thinking... Nabiki: About what? Ryouga: Us. I mean....what we have and...the...the... Nabiki: (Her face darkens a little) The potion. Ryouga: I mean....do we really...or are we just.... Nabiki: I... (They stare at each other in silence for a moment as Ryouga continues running.) Nabiki: I don't know, Ryouga. I don't care, either. Ryouga: What? Nabiki: No one has ever made me feel like this. I don't understand it at all, but just to be with you makes me happier than I've been since I was a little girl. I haven't smiled this much in years. Something that was dead has come back to life in me. (Nabiki smiles at Ryouga.) Nabiki: You know what it is to be in someone else's shadow, don't you? Ryouga: (stares for a moment) Ranma... Nabiki: Exactly. You've always been trapped in his shadow. I always stood in Kasumi and Akane's shadow. Everyone loves Kasumi. She's always been beautiful. And the guys go ga-ga over Akane. Even trying to drive them away, she pulled them in just by being alive. But I wasn't so lucky. Ryouga: I think you're beautiful, Nabiki. Nabiki: Thank you, Ryouga-kun. Ryouga: I just...I just wish I knew for sure if I really believe that or if...well, you know. I know I love you with all my heart, but... Nabiki: I wonder too. I don't want this to end. I don't want....(She looks around herself and blinks.) Where are we? (They stop and look around. They are standing by an eight lane highway cutting through a vast flat wheat field that extends to the horizon. Cars race by on the highway, and far across the field, they see a man riding a tractor. Nearby is a road sign in english that reads: Kansas City 80 Miles.) Ryouga: I think we are going to be late to school. Nabiki: How'd we get here? Ryouga: We were so busy talking, I think I wasn't looking where I was going. Nabiki: Just great. ************************* (It is another busy school day at Furinkan High School. We see a series of brief vignettes of school life--Ranma playing baseball in Physical Education, Gosunkugi getting hit in the head during a game of basketball, Kunou standing and ranting incorrectly in some class, Ukyou demonstrating a theorem in a math class, and finally, an empty classroom. A bell rings and there is noise out in the hallway, the noise of students moving between classes. Soon, there is a horde of students pouring into the classroom. Some wander about talking, while others go straight to their accustomed desks. Soon, the classroom is full except for two empty desks up front. One is soon filled by the arrival of Kunou Tatewaki. The other remains empty.) Kunou: That Tendo girl is still absent. Typical of such a vile female. Totahachi Youta: (He is short, thin, and brown haired.) If she's so vile, why do you keep buying all those photos from her, Kunou? And she's never absent. This isn't normal. Kunou: I am so generous that I cannot allow her to wallow in poverty and misery, as is her lot in life. Ishikeda Takashi: (He is tall with black spiky hair and a large nose.) Yeah, right. So why do you fawn on her sister like you do, then? Youta: Yeah, and that pig-tailed girl who looks like Ranma too. Kunou: How dare you mention that vile scoundrel in the same breath as my beloved pig-tailed girl! You are not worthy to grovel before me and beg my mercy! I shall... (He is cut off by the late bell ringing. Everyone sits down and assumes the humble, quiet student position...only to realize the teacher has not yet shown up.) Youta: Hey, where's Hibiki-sensei? Takashi: Perhaps this is some sort of test? Kunou: He has shown his true colors! I have known for many years that he was a vile dog of the sort that associates with the most foul sorcerer, Saotome! I have seen him in Saotome's company often! He is too lazy to come to school! Or perhaps he has carried off Nabiki for some foul scheme...no matter. It is no more than she deserves. (As Kunou rants, various females of the class have been creeping up behind him. They now pick up a desk together and squash him flat with it. Then Ichiwara Sasami picks up a second desk and pounds that down on top of the first and jumps up and down on it.) Women: How dare you insult our handsome sensei in that manner! Sasami: (She is short, black haired and slim.) I'm sure he has a good reason for being late. (Kunou crawls out from under the desks and moans in pain as the door opens. Nabiki drags in Ryouga by the hand. Ryouga runs over to his desk and sits down, frantically digging through the papers on the desk. Nabiki walks over to her chair and sits down.) Nabiki: Managed to drop your desk on yourself, Kunou-chan? Kunou: Hmmph. Nothing would have happened if our teacher wasn't late. Sasami: We're happy to see you made it to class, sensei! (She smiles at him and her eyes glaze over just a bit. She is lost in a fantasy with her and Ryouga running together through a field of flowers.) (The rest of the women in the class look lost in fantasy too. Youta and several other guys in the class moan a bit, and sit back in their seats looking disgruntled.) Ryouga: I have your tests somewhere around here. (He frantically digs through the papers while still holding on to a manila folder in one hand.) Nabiki: Aren't they in the folder, Ryouga-kun? (He looks at the folder, which is labeled Tests. He puts it down on the table, and checks its contents.) Ryouga: You're right. Okay. As I call your name, come up and get your test. Then I'll write up how well the class did in comparison to my other classes on the board. (As he hands out the papers, there is a lot of muttering around the classroom.) Muttering: She called our sensei Ryouga-kun?....I can't believe the way she flirts with him...Maybe she's trying to get a good grade out of him...How dare she flirt with him like that! He's all mine...How's a guy supposed to compete in this high school anyway...Nabiki? Flirt? How? She's got a heart made out of rock....not rock, yen. The road to her heart is paved with money....Neutronium. Solid neutronium...I thought you were dating Sasami...All she's got eyes for these days is this new sensei...He looks like that student who was here for a day or two...you know...just before the old sensei quit. He is that student...no way. (Ryouga finishes handing out the papers.) Ryouga: As you know, the end of the school year is coming up. All of you will be graduating soon. If you pass this class and all your other classes, that is. (Takashi raises his hand.) Ryouga: Yes, Takashi-san? Takashi: Is the principal really requiring that we all shave our heads to graduate? Ryouga: Apparently the school board forced him to back down on that one. There is, however, going to be a senior dance this year. Apparently, he saw one in Hawaii and thought it would be a good experience for all of you. Sasami: A dance! Will you be chaperoning at the dance, sensei? Ryouga: Um. I don't know. We have a teacher meeting tomorrow evening to discuss the dance and graduation and other end of the school year events. Hitomi: (A tall girl with long blue hair) I'll be happy to give you dance lessons if you need to learn how to dance, sensei. Sasami: I'm a better dancer than she is, sensei. Keiko: (A short black haired girl) My parents run a dance studio. I'm sure they'd be happy to teach you, sensei. (The other girls turn and glower at her, angry that they've been trumped.) Ryouga: Actually, that might be a good idea. I really don't know much about dancing. (Nabiki looks a bit cross. Keiko shines like the sun with joy.) Ryouga: But what I really need is someone to help me get back here tomorrow night for my teacher meeting. I'm not quite clear on how to get to where the meeting is in the school, because I am new here and... (Suddenly, every female in the class, except Nabiki, is up on his desk begging him to let her guide him wherever he might want to go tomorrow night. The desk breaks, and they all fall forward on him, burying him. Nabiki shakes her head as Kunou glowers.) Kunou: Disgusting! Our sensei wallowing in nubile young bodies! Nabiki: Don't remind me, Kunou. Kunou: Like pigs at a trough. Almost as bad as the way Saotome treats his women. Nabiki: If I thought he wanted them to do that, I'd... (She falls silent and looks gloomy. For a moment, we see Ryouga manage to raise a hand through the horde of women, who are tangled up on him in a big knot.) Ryouga: (Feeble voice) Nabiki, help! (She smiles grimly, gets to her feet, strides over, and starts digging Ryouga out of the pile.) **************************** (The scene cuts to a chemistry class. We see Akane, Ranma, and Ukyou in different groups of students trying to conduct an experiment.) Sensei: I'll be back in just a moment, students. Continue your experiments. (The sensei heads out of the room.) Akane: Hmm. Maybe it will finish faster if we turn this up. (increases the heat under the complicated apparatus she and two other girls are monitoring.) Yuka: Umm. I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Akane. (Ranma turns around from his experiment, leaving his partners, Daisuke and Hiroshi, still taking notes.) Ranma: Having problems? Akane: No. Yuka: Yes. (They turn and glare at each other.) Akane: Tell her the heat was too low, Ranma. Yuka: Tell her she's out of her mind, Ranma. She's got the heat up too high. Ranma: Uhh... (Scratches his head, looks at the apparatus, then looks back at the one Daisuke and Hiroshi are taking notes on.) I think you must have the heat up too high. This isn't blue like ours. Yuka: Eh? Akane: It's not supposed to be blue. Ranma: What? Yuka: You didn't accidentally add something to it, did you, Ranma? Ranma: (a bit heated) How could I screw up something as simple as pouring two chemicals together, then putting them in that...ah...whatever that thing is called and turning on the heat!? Yuka: By pouring the wrong two chemicals together. (She goes over and checks the two chemical containers on the table. Daisuke and Hiroshi continue fanatically taking notes as she examines the setting on the bunsen burner, then pages back through their notes as they scribble away. The concoction in Ranma's group's apparatus is starting to give off some kind of red gas and is turning mauve.) Yuka: Well, you two are thorough. Hiroshi: Thanks, Yuka. Yuka: Thoroughly moronic! You mixed the wrong chemicals! Ranma: Eh? Yuka: What did you put sodium in it for? Ranma: I just poured in the bottle Hiroshi handed me. Akane: (moans and shakes her head) And you call me a bad cook. Hiroshi: What? (grabs the bottle) Uh oh. Ranma: We'll just throw it out and start over. (He almost picks up the apparatus, stops himself just in time, and grabs some padded gloves.) Yuka: You can't just throw it out, Ranma. Ranma: I'll just wash it down the sink. Akane: That'll get rid of it. Yuka: No! Stop! (Too late. Ranma picks up the beaker at the heart of the apparatus and starts to pour it into the sink, turning on the water with one hand as he does so.) Ranma: I know what I'm doing. Don't worry. Yuka: Sodium burns in air and.... (Boom! Small explosion in the sink. Ranma staggers away, covered with ash in front.) Yuka: No wonder you three idiots are failing this class! (Ukyou turns around when she hears the explosion and runs over to Ranma.) Ukyou: Ranchan, are you okay? Ranma: I've had worse. (Yuka comes up angrily to Ranma as Akane rushes over to Ranma and glares a bit at Ukyou.) Akane: You've got to pay more attention or you're going to fail this class, Ranma. You don't want to be held back do you? Ranma: I'm not going to fail this class! Yuka: If you don't improve immediately, you know you're going to fail! (Pokes him in the chest...right in the pressure point Dr. Tofu warned Ranma about in the previous episode. He locks up in paralysis) You macho idiot athletic types make me sick! Don't you ever...(Ranma topples over into Akane's arms. The sensei now returns from the bathroom.) Sensei: What are you two doing? This is a chemistry class not a love nest! Get back to work! Ranma: ... Akane: Yes, Sensei! (She drops Ranma on the floor and returns to her experiment. Ukyou hurries back to her group, looking back sadly at Ranma for a moment, then returning to her experiment. Daisuke and Hiroshi grab him off the floor and prop him up against the wall and try to start the experiment over.) ****************************** (At the end of the day, we see Akane, Nabiki, Ryouga, and Ukyou rendezvous at the school gate.) Ukyou: What's wrong with Ranchan, Akane? Why did he lock up like that in chemistry class? Akane: He took a beating from the Golden Pair. Ranma: They didn't beat me! I got trampled, and it was their fault! Akane: Yeah. Right. I'm going to have to take him to Dr. Tofu again. Ukyou: But why did he lock up like that? Akane: He's got some pressure point vulnerabilities. Ranma: Hey, don't tell the world! (Akane starts pointing. Ryouga and Nabiki watch carefully.) Akane: Here, here, here, here, and here. Poke any of those and he locks up. Ukyou: This isn't permanent is it? (Ryouga looks hopeful.) Ranma: Just need some more rest. Ukyou: Good! It would be horrible if anyone could just take you down by poking you there. That would be an awful weakness! Ryouga: Heh. Ranma: Ryouga... Nabiki: Don't worry, Ranma. I won't let him beat you up. Ranma: (sarcastic tone) I feel so reassured. Ryouga: Don't worry Ranma. I wouldn't hit you when you are completely helpless. Ranma: Hmm... Nabiki: Now Kunou on the other hand...If he found out...Well, you know how word gets around about these things. Ryouga: People talk, you know. Things slip out. Ranma: Urgh. I don't have more than 500 yen, Nabiki. Nabiki: That'll do. After all, it's only a few days. (She snags Ranma's wallet and extracts the cash.) Nabiki: With this, I should easily be able to keep the news from spreading. You can pay me the rest later. After all, you are my brother-in-law. I know your credit is good. Ryouga: See you later, Ranma. (He smiles, and picks up Nabiki. They sprint off towards the dojo.) Ranma: (Sarcastic) Thanks a lot, Akane, for telling them about that. Akane: I just didn't think that... Ranma: You sure didn't think. Now I'm broke and vulnerable. Ukyou: Don't worry, Ranchan. We'll... Akane: Didn't think? Who blew up their chemistry experiment because they didn't think? Ranma: What about you turning up the heat too high on yours? Akane: (loudly) Sensei told me I was right to turn up the heat on my experiment. The bunsen burner we had is a little weak. Ranma: Hmmph. He was probably just trying to be kind. Akane: (Shouting) He was not just being kind! Face it! You stink at chemistry and I don't! Ranma: (Shouting) Then why can't you cook? Akane: (Shouting) Hah! Auntie Saotome tells me I've been improving a lot since the first time I helped her cook! Ranma: (Shouting) You certainly couldn't get any worse! Akane: (Screaming) You...You....I don't see you cooking! Ranma: (Screaming) That's a woman's job! Not that you qualify! Akane: AAAAAAAHJHHHH!!!!!!! Try taking yourself to the doctor, you macho jerk! (Slams him into the ground and runs off crying) Ranma: OWWWWW!!!!!! (Ukyou is instantly at his side. She picks him up gently and stares at him in the face.) Ranma: Ucchan? Ukyou: I can't understand how you can be such an idiot sometimes. Let me get you to Dr. Tofu before you get any more injuries. (Ranma sees Akane running away.) Ranma: Macho chick. Telling me I'm no good at Chemistry. (Ukyou sighs and starts carrying him off to Dr. Tofu's.) Ukyou: You are no good at Chemistry. Akane's not very good, but at least she cares. You normally don't. Ranma: I've got more important things to worry about. Ukyou: Like repeating this year of school? 'Cause that's what you're gonna do if you don't get serious in your classes. Ranma: I haven't failed anything. Ukyou: You're borderline in everything but P.E., Ranchan. If you don't pass all of the end of semester tests, you're going to get held back because you're going to fail something. Ranma: I won't fail. I never fail. I don't lose. Ukyou: You can't fight your way out of this one, although I know you'll try, Ranchan. I can help you if you'd like a study partner. Ranma: (sighs and stares off the direction Akane ran.) Akane, I'm sorry. (falls silent when he realizes he's speaking his thoughts aloud.) I don't need a study partner. I'm doing just fine. Ukyou: (sighs) Pride will be the death of you yet, Ranchan. **************************** (We see Gosunkugi in the basement of his house. It has been rigged up into a photography lab. He is busily developing photos. Red light bulbs dimly light the basement.) Gosunkugi: These should be just perfect for that photo contest. Maybe I'll even win the vacation for two. I can't afford to take Akemi anywhere nice, but with that... (Suddenly the normal lights click on.) Gosunkugi: Hey? Turn those off! (The light stays on. The film he was developing rapidly whites out and is ruined. He spins around and sees Kodachi standing in the doorway.) Gosunkugi: You ruined one of my best photos! Kodachi: How awful. Be glad I am merciful and will give you a chance to atone for what you did. Gosunkugi: Huh? Kodachi: You thought you were clever, but I am more clever than you think. Gosunkugi: What are you talking about? Kodachi: Sending me off to the Nekohanten so the troll could send us off on that disastrous lotus hunt. I should have realized you and the troll were working together, but I never thought you were that smart. Gosunkugi: Huh? Kodachi: I intend to revenge myself on the troll, and you will be my weapon. Gosunkugi: You've got to be nuts if you think I can fight a troll. Where's this troll you're talking about? Kodachi: The one that lives at the Nekohanten and gives Shampoo her marching orders. Gosunkugi: How am I supposed to deal with her? She's not even in town anymore. She ran off with Happousai. Kodachi: You will find her and dispose of her for me. Gosunkugi: (slightly crazy laugh) He he he... Kodachi: And you will tell me the real residence of the pig-tailed girl who calls herself Ranma! In mockery of my Ranma! Gosunkugi: I have no idea where she lives. Kodachi: Sasuke saw her enter and leave here. Therefore... Gosunkugi: That was Akemi he saw! Kodachi: Who? Gosunkugi: Akemi! My...uh...you know... Kodachi: Hrm...He must be getting blind. She looks nothing like that hideous monster, the pony-tail girl. Well, you will find her for me! Gosunkugi: And kill Cologne? Kodachi: Cologne? Who's that? Gosunkugi: (sighs) The troll. Kodachi: Yes! Gosunkugi: I'll get right on it. Kodachi: If you wish to live, you will. (She bounces out, spraying roses in her wake.) Gosunkugi: Great. Just what I need. I really do need a vacation. ************************** (The next day at breakfast, everyone is busily pigging out. Ranma and Akane are glaring back and forth at each other across the table. Ryouga looks a little depressed.) Nodoka: Are you two still angry with each other? Ranma and Akane: NO!!!! Genma: (pulls Ranma aside) Come on, my son! You have to learn how to apologize to women. Ranma: Apologize? For what? Genma: Exactly. It doesn't matter what you do, if they want it to be wrong, it is. You have to learn when to apologize even if you don't mean it. Otherwise they follow you around and glare all day. That really spoils a man's appetite. Ranma: Hmpph. She threw me into the ground just because I pointed out the truth. Genma: And many more beatings you'll have if you don't learn when to be quiet, my boy. Women are easy to manipulate, especially if you have natural charm and beauty like the two of us, but... (Ranma starts laughing.) Genma: What? Ranma: Na..Na...Ha ha ha ha ha! Genma: Eh? Ranma: Even at her uncutest, Akane has more natural charm and beauty than you, pop! (falls over laughing.) Genma: Hey! Many women have fallen for my rugged good looks! Ranma: Yeah, right, pop. HA HA HA HA! (He wanders back over to the table.) Ranma: (thought) [Rugged good looks! Hah! Even as a human, dad looks like a big roly-poly bear. ] Ha ha ha ha! Akane: (still a tight voice but not as tight as before) What's so funny, Ranma? Ranma: Pop thinks...pop thinks... Nodoka: What does your father think, Ranma my son? Genma: (A little angry) Ranma, don't be so disrespectful of your father! I was trying to give you the same advice my father gave me when I was young and foolish like you. Ranma: He was as vain as you too? Nodoka: Don't call your father vain, Ranma. Genma: Thank you, wife. Nodoka: Even if it is true. Genma: What? My own wife turned against me? Ranma: You know I'm ten times better looking than you or Grandpa, pop. Nabiki: And ten times the humility? Ranma: Yes! Nabiki: Of course. And ten times the martial arts skill? Ranma: Yes! Nabiki: And ten times the ego? Ranma: Yes! Hey! You tricked me! I do not... Nabiki: That's because you have ten times your father's stupidity sometimes too. Ranma: I am not stupid! Nabiki: Kunou gets better grades than you, Ranma, and he's about as smart as a pig. (Ryouga snorts.) Nabiki: A rock. About as smart as a rock. (whispers to Ryouga) Sorry, dear. Nodoka: Are you having problems in school, Ranma? Ranma: No! Akane: Yes. (They stare at each other for a moment.) Kasumi: Ranma has always focused more on his martial arts training so he could be a good head for the dojo than on his school work. Ranma: It all seems so pointless. I don't need chemistry or calculus to run the dojo. History's not too bad. (Ryouga perks up a bit.) But almost everything we study doesn't have any relevancy to my life. Soun: You'll never get into a good college if you don't do well in high school, Ranma. Ranma: I don't want to go to college! Nabiki: The trend is towards college educations even for dojo masters, Ranma. It hurts Daddy's business that he doesn't have a degree. Soun: I will always regret I was unable to get a college education. Ranma: Why didn't you get one if you wanted it? Soun: After the war, the Tendo family fell on hard times. My father was forced to apprentice me to Happousai because he could not afford to support all of us. By the time Saotome-kun and I managed to get rid of Happousai, I was too old, and soon after that my father died, so I returned home to marry and take over the dojo. Ranma: You've gotten along fine without a college degree. Nodoka: We want the best for you son. And it reflects poorly on your family if you have bad grades. Surely Akane can help you study. She certainly has good grades. (Akane beams with joy and pride.) Akane: Thanks, auntie Saotome. Nodoka: You will help him, won't you. Nabiki: That assumes anything can help him. Akane: I'd be glad to. (To Ranma) See, she knows I'm a good student. Ranma: Hmph. I guess it can't hurt. Too much. Kasumi: Akane is a good student, Ranma. And I'm sure her friends will be happy to help you. ************************ (Scene cuts to lunch at school. Akane is eating with her friends Sayuri and Yuka.) Yuka: Help Ranma study? Can pigs be taught to fly? Can a bird swim? Him study, hah! He couldn't study his way out of a wet paper bag. Sayuri: Eh? Yuka: You know what I mean! Your fiancee is hopeless, Akane. I don't know why I ever asked him for support when we were arguing about that experiment. Sayuri: Because you think he's cute. Yuka: I do not! He's a big macho moron! Sayuri: That's what Akane always says about him, and she's engaged to him. (Akane blushes.) Akane: Whatever I've said in the past, he really needs my help. And I need your help. There's a lot of things you two are better at than me, and Ranma needs all the help he can get. Yuka: Amen to that. Sayuri: We'll be glad to help. Won't we, Yuka. Yuka: Oh, all right. I'll help. On one condition! Akane: What? Yuka: You two have to help me find a date for the dance. Akane: I thought that was seniors only? Yuka: I heard juniors too, although we have to buy tickets. I want to go. I love to dance. But... Sayuri: You're completely incompetent at getting guys to ask you out? Yuka: Even after I ditched the glasses for contacts, they still think of me as the brain. Akane: You are a brain. Yuka: See!? Akane: I'll do the best I can for you, Yuka. Sayuri: Me too. Yuka: Right. Well, let's get started planning how to turn Ranma into a brain too. (She starts humming the theme from Mission Impossible, then switches tunes.) (sings) "Dream, the impossible dream..." ************************** (We see Nodoka, Genma, and Soun enter a restaurant named Santovasku Steakhouse. Just inside the doors, a thin grey haired man in a trenchcoat is waiting for them. He has short, neatly trimmed hair and a thin moustache. He embraces them all in turn as they enter.) Yotsuya Ito: It has been such a long time! You all look so well. I see your lovely wife finally found you, Saotome-kun! Genma: It is good to see you, Yotsuya-san. Nodoka: Yes. Years of waiting came to an end recently. Yotsuya: I want to hear all about it. I arranged us a table already. Come sit down. (A green haired waitress, wearing a big floppy blue hat that seems to be hiding two odd bulges over her forehead, leads them over to a table.) Waitress: Can I take your order? Soun: Can you bring us a menu? Waitress: (looks and sees there are no menus) Oops. Sorry about that. Be right back. (She runs off towards the counter, where an older green haired woman, also wearing a big floppy blue hat and clad in a similar blue dress is busily cooking a bunch of different dishes with some help from a pair of young black haired boys.) Mom! We need some more menus. (The woman idly points over to one corner of the restaurant, where an older black haired man is setting up some backgrounds and cutouts and posing a group of customers with them. There is a large box near the area. The waitress runs over to the man.) Waitress: Father! We need menus. Father: They're in the box. (The waitress gets over the box and bends down into it, digging for menus. She finally topples over and falls into the box entirely. Her father sighs and reaches down into the box, pulling her out.) Nodoka: Is getting a menu always so much trouble? Ito-san: I have no idea. A friend of mine recommended this place, although he said we wouldn't recognize any of the dishes. It's all very good, though, according to him. It's a family business. (They look around and notice all the waiters and waitresses are all either black haired males with a strong resemblance to the photographer, or green haired women wearing blue floppy hats with a strong resemblance to the chef. A midget in brown robes runs in out of the back room with a stack of menus which he puts down next to the box, then scoots off. The waitress, now out of the box, grabs four and runs over to Nodoka and company.) Waitress: Sorry it took so long. Would you like a drink while you decide what you want? Nodoka: Water, please. Soun: Sake, please. Genma: A Coke, please. Ito-san: Tea, please. Waitress: (scribbling down their requests.) Right. (The waitress quickly gets them their drinks.) Waitress: Ready to order? (They look at the menus. The menu is full of items like Sauteed Displacer Beast, Brobdingnagian Brine Stew, Hot Fun a la mode, Krygellian swamp beast steaks, and Byakhee flambe. Absolutely nothing except the drink list is familiar to them.) Ito-san: What kind of ethnic cuisine is this? Waitress: Santovaskan. Nodoka: I've never heard of it. What are these creatures? Waitress: I'm not sure. I just serve them. You'd have to ask mom; she's the cook. (We see the cook chanting something. A ball of flame shoots from her hands setting a twitching hunk of meat on fire on the grill. It stops twitching.) Cook: Alright, who forgot to kill this thing before I tried to cook it? Genma: Perhaps I'll just guess. Soun: Uh, yes. Nodoka: Do you have any soups? (After much haggling, they finally settle on some food that seems safe. The waitress takes their order and leaves.) Ito-san: I understand that the long awaited merger of your families is at hand? Soun: Yes. My daughter Akane will marry Saotome-kun's son Ranma. Ito-san: How soon? Nodoka: The date hasn't been set yet. Probably after they finish their schooling. Soun: That long? Nodoka: At least high school. Soun: Well, yes, of course. Nodoka: What brings you to Nerima, Ito-san? Ito-san: I'm delivering a message to my grandmother-in-law. Apparently, she runs a restaurant here in Nerima. Genma: Grandmother-in-law? Ito-san: (blushes a bit) I, uh, got married a year ago. Genma: Congratulations! Soun: I thought you had decided not to seek a wife, due to your wandering lifestyle. Ito-san: I didn't exactly have a choice. Nodoka: You don't mean... Ito-san: How was I to know that woman was going to challenge me to a fight when I accidentally spilled wine on her? They seemed so friendly... Genma: You...you...visited the village of the Chinese Amazons, didn't you. Ito-san: I didn't want to fight a woman, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She had been very friendly up to that point; I don't know why she challenged me, or how I beat her. She was amazingly good. They all are. Nodoka: (smiles) Hmm. Perhaps she wasn't being as serious about it as you think. Ito-san: Well, when I beat her, I found out I had to marry her. Genma: Yes, we're familiar with their village customs. Three of them live in...(His eyes open wide). You're going to visit Cologne! Ito-san: Yes. That's her name. They all seem to have bathroom product names. My wife is named Toothpaste. Genma: Are you here to tell her to go home? Ito-san: Hardly. I'm supposed to tell her that her brother is coming with some big statue they need for a village ceremony. Some kind of manhood/womanhood thing that the two kids she's taking care of have to go through. Apparently when the girl ran off after some Japanese kid, she missed the ceremony. The boy ran off after her, and he missed it too. Nodoka: I think Cologne left town with Happousai to go visit China or something. Ito-san: Well, I guess I'll have to settle for telling the kids. Well, enough about me. What have you three been doing these last few years? ****************************** (Ryouga is sitting on the front steps of the Tendo house looking depressed. He looks at his shiny new Rolex, a gift from Nabiki. It reads 4:30 pm.) Ryouga: (thought) [How am I ever going to get to the high school in time? The meeting isn't until 8 pm...but three and a half hours won't be enough time for me to get there on my own. I can't even ask Ranma and Akane. They're taking Nabiki to the train station to meet her fellow contestants for that competition. I'm doomed. Who knows what the principal will do if I'm late?] (Ryouga stands up.) Ryouga: I will face my doom like a man. (A voice surprises him.) Voice: What doom, sensei? (He turns and sees Ichiwara Sasami, one of his many students who has a crush on him of which he is not truly aware. She is short, as is her straight black hair. She is still dressed in her Furinkan school uniform, and is carrying a book bag.) Sasami: You say you needed a guide, sensei? Ryouga: Why thank you. After the scene in our classroom, I had hoped someone would help me, but... Sasami: You forgot to tell anyone where you live, sensei. Ryouga: Oops. Sasami: But I knew already, so I came here after checking in at home to make sure I wouldn't miss dinner. Mom's making her pork soup. It's really good. (Ryouga turns green.) Sasami: I just love the taste of pork. And bacon. And... (Ryouga starts to choke a bit. Sasami springs to his side and takes one of his hands.) Sasami: Are you alright, sensei? Ryouga: Please don't mention eating pork. I...I don't eat pork. I just...don't. Please. Sasami: Certainly, sensei. Anything for you. (She reluctantly releases his hand, as her excuse is now gone.) Ryouga: Lead me on. Sasami: (smiles) Exactly. Follow me. (He follows her down the street. They soon enter a crowded area with many people milling about. There are many street vendors and their customers form a thick crowd.) Sasami: How long have you been a teacher, Sensei? Ryouga: Just a few weeks. Sasami: Really? It seems like I've known you for years. Ryouga: You probably saw me around town before that. I've been in Nerima for... (Closes his eyes to try to remember. ) Ryouga: A year and a half or... (Sasami has vanished into the crowd while he had his eyes closed.) Ryouga: AARGH! (A few people stare at him. He begins running through the crowd, looking for Sasami.) Sasami: Sensei? (He spins around. She is behind him. He somehow passed her without noticing her.) Ryouga: Lead on. (They come to an intersection on a busy street. The light has turned yellow, and the sign is blinking, Don't Walk.) Sasami: Hurry, Sensei. (She sprints across. He pauses and looks both ways, and the traffic roars to life, blocking the intersection. Bus after bus after eighteen-wheeler after van after bus pour through the intersection. When the traffic clears and the sign switches to Walk, she is gone. He sprints across the street and looks about frenziedly for her.) Ryouga: Sasami! (A nearby shop door opens, and Sasami steps out with a pair of Cokes. She hands one to Ryouga.) Sasami: Just thought I'd pop in and get us a drink since I noticed you got caught by the light. Ryouga: Uh, thanks. (He starts drinking his Coke.) (They continue onward.) Sasami: So what is this meeting about? Ryouga: Well, we have to discuss chaperoning at upcoming events, new school policies, the dance.... Sasami: Will you be at the dance, sensei? Ryouga: Maybe. I may have to chaperone. Sasami: Will they let you dance with students? Ryouga: Uh...I have no idea. (Ryouga isn't paying much attention to his surroundings, but a street vendor selling bandannas catches his eye. He stops and takes a look at the bandannas for sale. ) Vendor: Looking for a new bandanna? Ryouga: Thinking of making a gift to a friend. Do you have any blue ones that match mine? Vendor: Sure. (He pulls out some blue ones that match Ryouga's pattern exactly. Ryouga buys them. When he finishes, Sasami steps out of a nearby restaurant with two bowls of soup. She hands one to Ryouga and starts slurping down the other one.) Sasami: This one is for you, Sensei. Ryouga: Uh, thanks. (He is having a hard time drinking a coke, putting the new bandanna in his backpack, and eating the soup all at the same time.) Sasami: (as she eats her soup) I really ought to eat more, my mom says, but I just don't get hungry as much as is healthy, you know. (Her soup is almost gone as she slurps it down.) I like to cook, but I don't eat it most of the time. Luckily my family usually eats what I don't. (She is now done. Ryouga is just now getting started. He stares for a moment at her empty bowl, then goes back to work eating his soup.) Ryouga: I have to cook for myself a lot. I do a lot of travelling. Sasami: Really? (They hear music in the distance. Soon, they come to an intersection and see a long line of people watching a group of dancers surrounding a festival dragon. The dragon marches up the road. Ryouga stops and stares at it.) Ryouga: What's a festival dragon doing here in Nerima? I've seen them in China, but I didn't think that...oh no, I'm not in China, am I? (He frantically looks around and realizes the street signs are still in Japanese. The dragon dances by, and they get going again.) Sasami: Come on, sensei. (When they get to the other side, Sasami buys some bananas from a nearby grocery. She hands him one and starts eating the other.) Sasami: Gotta keep our strength up. Ryouga: (thought) [Does it normally take this long to get to the high school when I'm not lost?] Sasami: (thought) [The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I can keep this up for hours if he doesn't have to be at the school until 8.] (They soon enter another residential neighborhood. A lot of people have sprinkler systems on their lawns. Ryouga gets very nervous. Luckily, none of them are on.) Ryouga: Er, isn't there another route? Sasami: I..uh..yeah. I guess we could go another way. What's wrong with this way? Ryouga: I just ...it's hard to explain. (Sasami turns to lead Ryouga onward, right as the sprinkler system in the nearby yard kicks in, bathing Ryouga with water. He staggers behind a bush as the transformation takes place. Sasami keeps walking for about a minute, then realizes Ryouga is gone. She runs back to the site, right after P-chan finishes hiding his stuff.) P-chan: (thought) [Why now? Of all the lousy times...] Sasami: What a cute piggie! (She scoops up P-chan.) Sensei! Where are you? (Sasami runs everywhere looking for Ryouga. She runs around the neighborhood yelling his name, runs back along their route, and even drops by the Tendo dojo.) Sasami: Have you seen Hibiki-sensei? Kasumi: No. I thought he left with you. Hey, there's P-chan. Sasami: P-chan? Kasumi: The little piggie. He's Akane's pet. Sasami: I wonder how he got all the way to Chiba. Kasumi: He gets lost a lot. Sasami: So does Hibiki-sensei. Well, here he is. (Hands P-chan to Kasumi.) Kasumi: I hope you can find him in time. He was really worried about being late to the meeting. Sasami: Hibiki-sensei does live here, right? Kasumi: More or less. When he can find his way home. Sasami: Okay. (Sasami takes off. Kasumi returns to the kitchen where she is busily heating a teapot and boiling some water for noodles.) Kasumi: Hmm. I'd better make sure Ranma and Akane are going to still be conscious for dinner. I think they're in the dojo. I'll just leave you here, P-chan. Don't go anywhere. (She leaves. P-chan grits his teeth and jumps in the pot. Soon he is back to normal, but naked.) Ryouga: Another outfit and backpack lost probably forever. Well, I'd better sneak upstairs and get some more clothing. (He sprints off. A minute later, Kasumi returns.) Kasumi: (She starts) Eek! (She quickly calms down and shakes her head.) Kasumi: Oh dear, I think P-chan must have run off again. And splashed water everywhere. Well, Akane will be disappointed. And I have to clean this up. That pig seems to have suicidal tendencies. (Soon all is fixed up. Ryouga walks into the kitchen.) Kasumi: Oh dear. I told Ichiwara-san you weren't here. Ryouga: I just wandered in. Kasumi: What happened? Ryouga: I..uh...I'm not sure. Kasumi: How are you going to get to the meeting, then? Ryouga: I don't know how I'll make it. Kasumi: Well, Ranma and Akane have run off somewhere so there's no one left here but me and you. Ryouga: ... Kasumi: If you like, I'll help you find your way to your meeting. I need something to do this evening. I think I'll go out to eat while you're at the meeting. Ryouga: Thanks! We'd better get moving. Kasumi: Yes, of course. (They take off for the meeting.) ********************** (We see Ranma and Akane. They are over at Yuka's house. Yuka's room is somewhat schizophrenic. The half with the bed is full of pink frilly things, with pink wallpaper, pink sheets on the bet, a pink curtain on the window, and stuffed animals. The other half of the room is decorated in green, has a desk covered with homework, the periodic table on the wall, a picture of the Milky Way, a telescope, a chemistry set, an exercise bike, and a large bookshelf full of science, history, sociology, fiction, and manga. Yuka is sitting at her desk, Sayuri is plopped down on the bed, and Ranma and Akane are sitting on the desk.) Yuka: Alright, Saotome. I know you're a fighter. Ranma: I am a martial artist. Yuka: And your grades stink. Ranma: They do not! I just have more important things to do than study. I must perfect my martial arts. What am I ever going to do with all those stupid things they teach in school anyway? Yuka: Well, to use a martial arts metaphor, if your academic standing was a martial arts match, you'd be in the ninth round and on the ropes, heading for the floor. Ranma: That's boxing, not martial arts! And it doesn't matter what round it is! Yuka: Pinned to the mat and the referee has reached eight. Ranma: That's wrestling, not martial arts. And they only count to three! Yuka: In the tenth inning, with no runs. Ranma: Baseball! That's not even a martial art! Tenth inning? They only have nine! Yuka: See, there is more to the world than martial arts. (Ranma facefaults. Akane and Sayuri laugh.) Yuka: I've been recruited to bring up your grades. I think you can't do it. Ranma: What? Yuka: In the two years I have known you, you have proven to be the only person I know who is dumber in school than Kunou. Ranma: What? (loudly) Kunou is a complete moron! Yuka: Then why does he get better grades than you? Ranma: Because his father is principal! Yuka: Even before that, his grades were better. He may be a fool but he is not as much an idiot as you. Ranma: Rrr...no one speaks to me that way. Yuka: How many classes are you failing? Ranma: Er..uh...well, I had to fight Kunou, and then that business with the seven lucky gods, and that martial arts cheerleader, and the cure, and ... Yuka: Exactly. You spend your time fighting instead of studying. I have tutored over 200 students at this high school. They all improved after I helped them. But if you don't cooperate, you'll never improve. Or are you too weak to buckle down and study? Ranma: I am not weak! Yuka: Academically, you're as weak as P-chan is physically. Ranma: But..I... Yuka: You will do as I tell you or I will leave you out to dry. Do you understand? Ranma: Take orders from a girl? Yuka: If you would rather fail, I'll be happy to laugh at you when you repeat this grade. Ranma: ... Yuka: Yes or no? Ranma: (sounds disgruntled) All right! I'll do it. What do I have to do? Yuka: First, we're going to find out if you have any aptitude for anything non-physical. That way we'll know what your weak and strong points are. Ranma: I'm good at geometry. Yuka: Okay. Do these. (She pulls a geometry book off the shelf, and opens it to a random page near the end. ) Do all six problems. (She tosses the book to Ranma. He pulls some paper out of his book bag and starts working. A while later, he hands Yuka the problems. She quickly grades them.) Yuka: Hmm. Not bad. Now do this. (Tosses him a Calculus book. Ranma stares at it as if it was a poisonous snake.) Ranma: The whole thing? Yuka: Open to the bookmark. Do the circled problems. (Ranma starts slowly working while the others study various things. An hour later, he is still on the first problem.) Yuka: Done yet? Ranma: Almost got this one finished. (Yuka grabs the paper. It is covered with doodles and graffiti: 'I hate school', 'No wonder all the guys hate Yuka', 'Why'd I ever let Akane drag me over here!', 'This is stupid', 'I hate math', a picture of Kunou with his bokken stuck through his head, 'AAARGH!!!!'.) Yuka: What wondrous powers of concentration. (voice rising) You are indeed as much an idiot as I think you are. Well, no matter. I suspect you are beyond hope. But we shall see. Now. You are going to do every problem on the page. You will not leave this room until you are able to do at least five problems to my satisfaction without wasting time or writing stupid, (loudly) INACCURATE, graffiti. I don't care if you starve to death before you leave. I will make a better student out of you or we will both die trying. (Ranma just stares at her. She is looming over him with her face so red, it is almost on fire. She shoves a new piece of paper into his hands.) Yuka: Now! Differentiate these equations. (Ranma stares at the paper. It has five ten-term equations on it, replete with many variables. ) Yuka: DO IT! (Ranma sets down the paper and goes to work.) Sayuri: Do you really think you need to be so hard on him? Yuka: HE DESERVES TO BE SET ON FIRE AND THROWN OFF A BUILDING! HE IS ONLY STILL ALIVE BECAUSE OF MY INFINITELY MERCIFUL NATURE!!!!! Akane: What did he... (Yuka hands Akane the doodled on page. Akane's face darkens a bit, and she glares at the scribblings.) Akane: Grr... Yuka: SEE! SEE! IF I WASN'T SUCH A NICE PERSON.... Sayuri: That was pretty tasteless of him, but... Yuka: WHAT? WHAT? Ranma: No wonder you can't get a boyfriend, if all you ever do is scream and rant at guys. How uncute can you get? And I thought Akane was bad that way. (Yuka screams loudly and tries to strangle Ranma. Ranma gurgles as Sayuri and Akane try to drag Yuka off Ranma who is starting to turn blue. Finally, they disengage her. Ranma leaps up into a fighting stance.) Ranma: I don't normally fight girls, but I... (Yuka starts crying. Ranma's anger wilts and flows out. ) Ranma: Hey...I...don't cry. (Yuka bawls on Akane's shoulder. Akane glares at Ranma.) Ranma: Hey! All I did was get strangled! I didn't say anything that wasn't true. Akane: Ranma no Baka! (She starts to pick up the desk, but Sayuri stops her. Sayuri then grabs Ranma's pigtail and drags him out into the hallway.) Ranma: OWWWW!!!!!! (In the hallway, Sayuri leans Ranma up against the wall.) Sayuri: Ranma! Why are you being so mean? Ranma: Hey! I didn't do anything until she started calling me an idiot! You think I like that? Then she tried to strangle me! Sayuri: Do you really think all the guys hate her? Ranma: Uh, well...they all think she thinks they're all stupid because they're not as smart as her. And none of them think she would ever deign to go out with them. Especially the way she blows up when people make mistakes, especially if they're guys. Sayuri: She's never had much patience for mistakes, I have to admit. But she's just as hard on herself when she makes a mistake. Ranma: My dad always rode pretty hard on me when I made a mistake, but he never got mad and screamed and yelled unless my mistake had disastrous results. He just laughed a little and told me to try again. Sayuri: She just doesn't want to fail at helping you. That's why she's so stressed out, because she's afraid she can't help you, and she doesn't want to disappoint Akane when she told her she'd help you. Ranma: I don't need any help! Sayuri: If you really believe that, why are you here? Ranma: ... Sayuri: Neither of you is all wrong here, but if neither of you apologizes, this is going to get a lot harder than it needs to be. Ranma: Apologize? Sayuri: I know you don't ever apologize for anything you do, but if this just once... Ranma: Never apologize? Sayuri: I don't know if you are capable of apologizing. Ranma: Of course I am! Sayuri: I've never seen you do it. Ranma: I've apologized for lots of things! Sayuri: Like? Ranma: Uh...uh...well... Sayuri: Well, I won't be surprised if you aren't able to apologize to Yuka, but... Ranma: HAH! I'll show you! I'm going to apologize right now! (Storms into the room.) Sayuri: (softly) It's easy to control a man who never refuses a challenge. (She follows him in. Ranma storms across the room to the bleary eyed Yuka, who is sitting on the floor next to Akane. Akane moves to interpose herself, but Ranma leaps over her and kneels before Yuka.) Ranma: I am very sorry I yelled at you and said all the boys hate you. Please accept my apology. Yuka: (stares at him for a moment) You...really mean it? Akane: You're actually apologizing? Are you alright? (Akane tries to take Ranma's temperature with a handy thermometer, but Ranma swats the thermometer aside.) Ranma: I was mad so I yelled at you. Will you accept my apology? Yuka: I...How can I not? I shouldn't have yelled at you either. I..just...this is going to be harder than most of my tutoring sessions. Okay. Let's get to work on that problem. (She starts pointing out the mistakes Ranma was making in his first effort to solve the problem. Ranma spares a moment to stick out his tongue at Sayuri when no one else can see he is doing it. She smiles.) Ranma: (thought) [I showed her. Heh. Chalk up one more victory. I never lose at a challenge] Sayuri: (thought) [How Akane manages to put up with him, I don't understand. I guess it helps that he's cute.] Akane: (thought) [I hope she can help Ranma. I wonder how Sayuri convinced him to apologize. ] Yuka: (thought) [I'm going to improve your grades if it kills us all, Ranma. I refuse to fail at this, no matter how much effort it takes. I never lose.] ********************** (We see Kasumi and Ryouga heading through the hallways of Furinkan High School.) Kasumi: I think this is where the teachers meet. (They are at a door marked Teacher's lounge.) Ryouga: Well, let's check inside. (They open the door and walk in. There are a lot of teachers sitting around the table with hacked up hair. Ryouga blinks. The door slams shut behind him and Kasumi and there is a click of the lock closing. Ryouga spins and sees the principal standing with a pair of shearing scissors in each hand.) Principal: I see the last two teachers are here! Time for your shearing! Kasumi: What? Fujishima-sensei: Hah. If we had to suffer through this, so will you two. (The Principal leaps forward at Kasumi, who yelps and throws her arms in the air, along with her purse, which flies wildly, tangling up the principal's right hand, so that he misses her hair. She runs around the other side of the table as he tries to get the tangled up purse handle off his shears. Ryouga swiftly grabs the shears from the principal's left hand and throws them in the corner. He then sits down in one of the two remaining empty seats.) Kasumi: (to Ryouga) Is it safe to leave? Ryouga: I'm not sure... Principal: I can't get this purse off my hand! (Kasumi comes over and removes the purse...and the shears. She puts them away in her purse.) Principal: My shears! Kasumi: I'll give them back when you show you can handle them responsibly. Principal: But..but... Kasumi: May I leave now? Principal: No! No one leaves until the meeting is over! Take your seat! (He goes and gets the other set of shears from the corner and takes his seat at the head of the table as Kasumi sits down next to Ryouga, looking confused.) Principal: First order of business: Chaperoning for the school dance. The following teachers will be chaperoning at the following times. (He rattles off a long list of duties. Ryouga will be chaperoning from 9-12 at the dance.) Principal: And next on the order of business... (He punches a button on a tape recorder. Music starts playing. Everyone gets up and starts running around the table. As the principal comes past Ryouga and Kasumi, who are still sitting confused at the table, he tries to cut off their hair. They get up and start running. Suddenly, the music stops, the principal throws one of the chairs in the corner, and everyone dives for one of the chairs that is left. Aisho-sensei is left chairless. The principal shaves her head, opens the door, and throws her out, then closes and locks it.) Principal: Anyone want to report any problem students? Hinako-sensei: (In her young form) Saotome Ranma is failing my class. And he's a total delinquent. Principal: Weren't you supposed to have dealt with him by now? Hinako-sensei: But...but...he knows how to defeat me! He's scary! I don't know what to do about him! WAAHHH!!!!!!! (She starts crying. Kasumi tries to comfort her.) Ayukawa-sensei: He is barely passing my class. Saiho-sensei: He nearly destroyed our chemistry lab. Coach Futaba: I think he's a fine student. One of my best athletes. Shinohara-sensei: You say that about all the dumb jocks! Coach Futaba: Dumb jocks? Dumb Jocks! (Voice rising) I've had enough of your lip, Shinohara! Shinohara-sensei: (shouting) You're a dumb jock yourself and you know it! Coach Futaba: (Screaming) I am not a dumb jock! I am not! (He starts jumping up and down) Take it back! (Addresses principal) Make him take it back! Shinohara-sensei: (sticks out his tongue) Nyaah! Kasumi: (stands up) Now stop that right now! Look at you, grown men acting like children. (They look ashamed.) Kasumi: Go stand in the corner. Both of you. (They head for a corner making faces at each other.) Kasumi: Different corners! (They split for two different corners, still making faces at each other.) Principal: Nicely done, Miss...ah... Kasumi: Tendo Kasumi. Principal: Yes. Er...Which department are you in? Kasumi: I'm not in a department. I just... Principal: Perhaps you should replace Ms. Hinako as Chief Disciplinarian. Hinako-sensei: But...but...You promised! (Hinako glares at Kasumi) Hinako: You can't take my job! I won't let you! (She leaps up on the table and pulls out a five yen coin.) Hinako: Happo-... (Kasumi and the other teachers just stare at her. Ryouga starts to rise from his chair and the principal starts to lunge forward towards her.) Hinako: 5 yen-... (Ms. Hinako draws a glowing circle in the air with her five yen piece. Ryouga is starting to jump onto the table. The principal is rushing her from behind.) Hinako: Satsu! (She completes the circle. Nothing happens. Ryouga and the Principal freeze in their tracks.) Hinako: What? (She repeats the process five times. Nothing happens. Everyone just stares. Then Kasumi applauds.) Kasumi: Wow! What a neat trick. How do you draw that glowing line in the air? Hinako: But how...it didn't work! Kasumi: Really? What was it supposed to do? Hinako: Hah! (She fumbles around in her purse, becoming steadily more frantic.) Hinako: Where's my change! I can't find any other coins! Can anyone break a thousand yen bill? (The teachers check, but no one has any change.) Hinako: WAHHHH!!!!!!! (She starts to cry. The Principal puts her back in her seat.) Principal: Well, I agree that Saotome Ranma is a threat. I have taken measures to deal with him! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! (He pushes a button and the music starts. Everyone runs round and round. The principal tosses away three chairs and Ayoob-sensei ends up the odd man out. He gets a bowl cut and tossed out the door.) Principal: My method is very simple. I know that Saotome cannot dance. Therefore, we will have a dance marathon. Anyone who does not perform to my satisfaction will not be allowed to move on to the next grade. Saotome will be forced to repeat the grade. And I'll make him wear a sign that says remedial! And cut off all his hair! All of it! HA HA HA HA!!!!! Taiho-sensei: But what if he passes all his classes? According to the rules... Principal: I am the law! I am the state! I am King of this high school and my word is law! Taiho-sensei: You're a nut! (The principal grabs him, shaves him bald, opens the door, throws him out, and locks the door.) Principal: Any other rebels? (Everyone is silent.) Principal: Right. Next business. (The meeting continues. One by one the Principal weeds out all of the teachers, shaving their heads and throwing them out or just throwing them out with some hair intact. Only Miss Hinako evades a shaving. Still demoralized, she flees the room when the Principal comes for her, rather than fighting back. Finally, only Ryouga, Kasumi, and the Principal are left. And the two teachers still standing in the corner. Only three chairs remain.) Principal: Right. On to the next business. (He reaches for the tape recorder. As he punches the button, Ryouga hefts the chair he is sitting on. The second Kasumi gets up to run around the table, he grabs her chair too. All three of them run around the table. The music stops, the principal throws out the remaining chair, Ryouga pops down his two chairs, and Ryouga and Kasumi sit in the remaining chairs. The principal stares...) Principal: But...but...I..you...I don't have a chair. Ryouga: You know what that means. Principal: No! (Ryouga vaults over the table, grabs the principal's shears, shaves him bald, opens the door, throws him out, and closes the door.) Kasumi: We won. Ryouga: Uh, I guess we did. Kasumi: Let's get something to eat. Ryouga: (tries to open the door) Hey! I can't open it. It opened just a minute ago. Coach Futaba: It only opens if you're going to throw someone out into the hallway. Special intentional lock. Ryouga: Right. BLASTING POINT TECHNIQUE! (He blows a hole in the wall through which he and Kasumi exit.) Kasumi: Are your meetings always this much fun? Ryouga: I hope not. ********************* (Kasumi and Ryouga are approaching the front door of the Tendo house. They open the door and head in. As they start to enter the front hall, they hear Ranma and Akane talking softly in the kitchen. They creep up near the door and listen in.) Ranma: Oh, my head hurts. Akane: Hurts? Ranma: Too much studying. And I'm hungry. Akane: Let me make you something to eat. Ranma: Surely Kasumi must have left us some food. Akane: (voice rises just a touch) Ranma... Ranma: I can't believe she kept that up for 6 hours without food. Akane: Yuka has always been a bit of a study monster. Ranma: I think my brain is full. Akane: It wasn't that bad, was it? Ranma: I..just... (He falls silent. Akane sits down next to him and takes his hand. He stares off into space.) Akane: You'll improve your grades if you try. You just have to study. I believe in you. (She leans over to Ranma, who is still staring off into space. Ryouga is staring wide-eyed. Kasumi smiles and pulls Ryouga back where he can't see.) Ryouga: Do you think? Is she going to... Kasumi: Is it any of our business...okay, I am a little curious. But spying on them never made things move any faster before. (The kitchen falls suspiciously silent. Ryouga starts to peek into the kitchen, but Kasumi pulls him back.) Kasumi: We'll wait a minute, then make our "entrance". Ryouga: Eh? Kasumi: Warning of our approach. (They creep back to the front door, which Kasumi silently opens. She watches her watch for two minutes, then slams the door. ) Kasumi: (loudly) It's good to be home, Ryouga. Ryouga: Eh? Kasumi: (loudly) I hope Ranma and Akane are home. I think perhaps I'll fix a little something for everyone when they get in. Come help me in the kitchen, Ryouga. Ryouga: Uh, okay. (They walk into the kitchen. Ranma and Akane are sitting rather stiffly near each other looking like kids caught in the cookie jar.) Kasumi: Did you two have a nice evening? Ranma: I had to study all evening. And now I'm hungry. Kasumi: Well, I'll just fix you up something. Ryouga and I just ate, but I'm sure everyone will want a snack when they get home. Ranma: You ate dinner with Ryouga? Kasumi: I ended up guiding him to his teacher's meeting. It was a lot of fun. Ranma: Fun? Kasumi: We won! (She starts preparing some snacks, humming the musical chairs tune to herself. Ranma and Akane look over at Ryouga who shrugs.) Ryouga: Don't ask. **************************** (The teacher's meeting room is dark, with the only light shining in through the hole in the wall, illuminating the clock that shows the time to be 11:58 pm. Coach Futaba and Shinohara-sensei are still standing with their noses in the corner.) Shinohara-sensei: I wish she'd tell us we can go home now. I'm tired. Coach Futaba: You're flimsy and weak! I could stand here all night! Shinohara-sensei: No way! Coach Futaba: Hah! I will, just to show you. Shinohara-sensei: You'll collapse before I will. Coach Futaba: Never! ************************* (The full moon shines down on the valley of Jyusenkyo. We see Happousai leading the magically youthful Cologne through the valley, tossing small animals and sleeping tourists into various pools searching for the one he wants.) Happousai: Blast it! Where is that stupid pool? Cologne: Which pool are we looking for, Happy darling? Happousai: The permanent water. Cologne: Why don't you ask the guide? Happousai: Good idea. (They find a tent and roust the snoozing guide. He blearily gazes at them.) Guide: Can I help you? Happousai: I need to find the pool that the permanency water is bottled from. Guide: Government drained that pool many years ago and made official Jyusenkyo Springs parking lot. (He points to the far other end of the valley.) Much work for rehabilitated people during Cultural Revolution. Happousai: But...there's no road for cars. Guide: Architect fell in pool of drowning squirrel. After that, all he wanted to design was treehouses and squirrel feeders. Happousai: AARGH! Maybe I can find a vending machine or a peddler somewhere... Guide: There is a magic device that makes what you are looking for. Happousai: Ahh yes. If only I knew where to find it...hmm. ************************ (We see the first PE class of the day lined up on the track. They are waiting...and waiting...and waiting...) Tetsuo: Where's Coach Futaba? Kaneda: Maybe he's sick. Kei: Yeah, right. He never gets sick. It's more likely that he's dead than sick. ************************ (The wall clock in the teacher's lounge reads 9 am. Coach Futaba and Shinohara-sensei are both jogging in place trying to keep awake, with their noses in the corners.) Coach Futaba: Hah! (yawns) You'll be the first to break. I know you will. Shinohara: (yawns widely) N..Never. (They both collapse immediately, asleep.) **************************** (End Episode 2) As always, much thanks to my prereaders! You make my life a lot easier and my work a lot better! (To join my prereader list, just mail johnbil@wam.umd.edu...and send comments there too...) John Biles Johnbil@wam.umd.edu