WARNING

SPATULA CITY MAKES NO PROMISES AS TO THE CONTENT, QUALITY, CLARITY, OR AMUSEMENT FACTOR OF ANY FILES IT PROVIDES AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOU, YOUR BELONGINGS OR YOUR FAMILY AS A RESULT OF USAGE OF SPATULA CITY GOODS. THIS MEANS SHOULD YOU BECOME HORRIBLY MAIMED IN A FREAK TRACTOR ACCIDENT AND REQUIRE FIFTY TONS OF MECHANICAL APPARATUS JUST TO TAKE A PISS THEN IT'S TOO BAD FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU JUST READ THIS STATEMENT AND WE'VE LOGGED THAT READING AND THERE ISN'T A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT IN COURT, FOR WE ALSO SELL JUDGES AND THEY WILL LAUGH AT YOU FOR CONSIDERING BRINGING LEGAL ACTION AGAINST SPATULA CITY, THEN WILL PROBABLY GO PLAY GOLF WITH THE DOCTORS WE OWN THAT WILL INSIST THAT YOU ARE FINE. WE OWN THE GOVERNMENT TOO; THERE IS NO APPEAL, THERE IS NO ESCAPE, YOU BELONG TO SPATULA CITY NOW. BOW DOWN AND SUBMIT TO US FREELY AND IT WILL GO WELL FOR YOU. ALL WHO RESIST SPATULA CITY SUFFER PAINFULLY HUMILIATING DEATHS IN FRONT OF LARGE TELEVISION AUDIENCES ON DONAHUE. DO NOT TAUNT SPATULA CITY.

Thank you! Now a few other points of note :

• This is not a real store, for the totally clueless. It's a silly way to entertain people over the web. Don't expect to actually purchase a lead sheilded X-GF Spatula of Death. You know those AT&T commercials where they list all the wonderful things you'll be able to do, like online shopping and vidphones? THEY LIE. Now that you know this, you shall be a more enlightened person.
• We do, however, have many fun files available that aren't spatula related. Feel free to grab these, they're there for YOU.
• These pages are constantly under construction; expect some errors and ilk. If you notice one that's glaringly bad, mail the Manager about it so he can fix it. Include your viewer name and junk like that.
• A lot of the concepts here aren't original. IE, I don't claim to hold copyright on the term 'Spatula City' -- That belongs to Weird Al Yankovic, who may or may not be god. It's all in the name of fun, don't worry. I'm not making a dime off this.
• If you've got any questions or neato silly.submissions to the Spatula City warehouse o' fun, buzz twoflowr@wam.umd.edu via netmail. We're looking for a few silly persons!
• If you take my FWLS stories and change them and go show 'em around, you may want to start checking your closets for insane revenge-oriented web authors carrying piano wire and saline paste.

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