Ranma 1/2 : March of the Pigs
                               Part 6

           A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

     (All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously.  If I ever
     even considered claiming that these were my own characters
     I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
     to eat my own legs to live.)

-=-

     I'll assume you've read up to part four.  (Part five was
rather short; it was either a short part five and a normal part
six, or a long but condensed part five.)

     Nabiki blackmails Victor, for a change.  She hasn't set any
terms yet, but will reveal that his family's children are MIA if
he decides to displease her.  Charlotte manages to tick Buford
off to the extremes, and he leaves her.  She gets very depressed
about this, and is cheered up a bit by Ryouga, who comforts her. 
The two then go over her planning sheet, which details all the
possible problems in getting Akane on a date safe and sound. 
Charlotte decides to personally handle Ryouga's training in
dating and water dodging, to ensure success.  Someone in the
crowd near them follows (Gosh, could that be a SPY?!  I don't
know!...)

-=-

     "You want money?" Victor asked.

     "Money for starters," Nabiki said.  "Certainly you can
afford my price for keeping quiet."

     "What else is there beyond keeping quiet?" Victor asked.

     "There's hiring fees," Nabiki said.  "I know the people in
the area better than you do, and could probably provide
unparalleled assistance in your quest to recapture your sister. 
For a bit more yen, that is."

     "Here," Victor said, pulling a wad of yen out of his sleeve. 
"You're lucky I'm good at hiding things, or that stash would have
been found in your bathroom.  Never know when you'll need stored
funds."

     "This was in my bathroom all the time?" Nabiki asked, eyes
growing wide as she counted the stack in her mind.

     "Of course.  I knew I'd probably bump into a little water,
and since I had a willing player here, I thought it would be good
to keep my credit card and a little spare change available for
when I change back.  This was before Saotome double-crossed me."

     "Consider my mouth shut," Nabiki said, snapping up the
money.

     "Not so fast.  I'd like that in writing," Victor said. 
"Ranma taught me one important thing; always get it in writing."

     "Alright, alright," Nabiki said, pulling out a pen and paper
set.  "I, Nabiki Tendo, promise not to tell anybody who Victor
really is and why he's here.  Signed Nabiki Tendo.  Take it."

     "Make a copy for yourself," Victor said.  "Double-binding. 
I'll sign that one.

     Victor signed the second copy, making sure he swirled the
'o' like he usually did on checks and bank statements.  There. 
Now he wouldn't have to worry about another backstabber.

     "Let's start working," Nabiki said, filing away her copy of
the contract.  "I figure we could trick Shampoo into thinking
your sister has her eyes set on Ranma, which would--"

     "Gotta go," Victor said, reaching for the doorknob.  "Ta
ta."

     "Ta ta?  But we haven't started."

     "I don't work with amateurs," Victor said.  "Sorry.  I need
witless fools to make my plans work, not mercenaries.  See you
around sometime."

     "You're refusing my offer?"

     "No.  Think of it more like painful rejection," Victor said,
grinning from ear to ear as he ducked out the door and walked
off.

     "You'll regret it," Nabiki called after him.

     "I doubt it," his voice floated up the stairs.  "After all,
I've got it in writing."  Nabiki heard the front door shut
shortly afterwards.

                              *

                    REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
          (musical insert : Kinda I Want To, Halo 3 Track 6)

     Sidewalk-walkers jumped out of the way as the boy with the
umbrella ran by, trying to fend off a barrage of water from the
girl chasing him.  He held the umbrella behind him, skipping
backwards, boinging off the passers-by like a pinball.

  IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT

     Charlotte took careful aim, trying to arc her water over the
protective umbrella.  Ryouga was learning fast; he remembered the
umbrella about one minute into the chase.  A few more minutes of
this and he'd practically be hydrophobic.

                         RANMA 1/2 :

     Ryouga noticed the high-arcing water, and held the umbrella
up.  It splattered against the red paper, but left his back
completely unguarded... a stream of water impacted on the small
of his back.  He braced for the change...

                      MARCH OF THE PIGS

     Charlotte slid the carrying strap of the watergun over her
shoulder.  "Sheesh, Ryouga, a sleepwalker could have dodged that
shot.  Well, you're improving, at least.  Here, I brought a
thermos... let's go get you back to normal."  She plucked the pig
off the ground and ducked into an alley.

                     PART 6 : TERRIBLE LIE

                              *

     Smoke filled Tatewaki Kunou's room, as Sasuke appeared out
of thick air.  Kunou wished he would stop that; the smoke was
very bad for his numerous posters of Akane and the pig-tailed
girl.  Each blown-up from photos Nabiki provided.  The girl had a
good eye, Kunou admitted.

     "Master Kuno!" Sasuke called, whiskers twitching.  "I have
excellent news!"

     "You have found the location of the one who dares claim
Akane to his own, Ryouga Hibiki?" Kunou asked, readying his
bokken.

     "Even better!  I have evidence that he may NOT be planning
to date Akane," Sasuke said, fumbling some polaroids he had been
taking that evening.  "As you can see by these photos, he seems
to be dating someone else this evening.  Mind you, she's chasing
him with a watergun for some reason, but several eyewitnesses
claim that she was yelling something about not being late for
their date..."

     Kunou took a polaroid and examined it.  There was that filth
Hibiki, and someone else.

     "...the lighting level wasn't that great, and you know I'm
no good with a camera, but I hope the shots turned out okay...
err... Master Kunou?  Are you feeling alright?"

     "Tell me, Sasuke... who is this vision of beauty that chases
the chased with a cannon of fluid?"

     "Excuse me?"

     "Who's the girl with the gun?" Kunou corrected.  Curse the
proletariat and its failure to grasp the language.

     "I don't know," Sasuke said.

     "I do," a voice on the other side of the room said.  A head
peeked in through the window.  "I hope I'm not interrupting
anything, Mr. Kunou?"

     "How did you get up here?" Kunou demanded, turning to the
intruder.  "We're on the third floor of the Kunou mansion!"

     "A little rope does wonders," Victor said, pulling himself
through the window frame.  "I noticed your associate here taking
photographs in town, and recognizing him as a fellow information-
gatherer, I figured I'd tail him.  I believe you were inquiring
as to the other person in the picture?"

     "I shall forgive your insolence this time, stranger," Kunou
said.  "If you can identify the female in question."

     "Quite simple.  She's my sister," Victor said.  "We're
currently on R&R here in Japan.  Seeing the sights and such, hob-
nobbing with the commoners... staying home can be quite boorish. 
You must know how it is, being from a wealthy family yourself."

     "The Kunou family doth have fortunes, yes," Kunou nodded.

     "So we figured a vacation would do a world of good.  Get out
of the house, see the world, mix with other superior cultures...
however, we've hit a snag.  It seems that one Ryouga Hibiki has
enchanted her under some kind of spell and kidnapped her!"

     "Hibiki?!" Kunou said, sitting bolt upright in his ornate
chair.  "A delicate rose such as her in the hands of a cur like
that?"

     "I concur, no pun intended," Victor nodded gravely. 
"Please, Kunou, I beg of thee.  Free my sister from that fool
Hibiki.  I would normally fight the knave myself, but I am not a
warrior.  You, on the other hand, have the blood of samurai in
you, and could easily crush this Ryouga character and save my
sister."

     "I should have realized Hibiki was up to no good when Sasuke
overheard him proclaiming love to Akane," Kunou stated.  "Very
well.  It shall be done!"

     "Great.  We'd better hurry, I've booked us a flight back
home to France tonight.  You'll have to make sure she gets on
that plane, no matter what Ryouga tries to do, no matter what she
claims.  Not in her right head, what with those strange noodles
Ryouga enchanted her with."

     "Yes, magic does seem to flow freely with the students of
Furinkan.  I would not doubt that Hibiki has resorted to black
arts in order to find female accompaniment."

     "A spell which I can break, once we're back home," Victor
said.  "I shall make preparations for our flight.  Thank you,
Kunou.  Mind if I use the front door this time?"

     "Be my guest," Kunou said.

     Victor nodded, and gracefully exited, choking down a laugh.

                              *

     "I'd call that a fair success," Charlotte said, walking
through the doors of Ucchan's.  "Make sure you have all sides
guarded, and you shouldn't have any problems."

     "Do we have to do that again?" Ryouga asked, wet and
exhausted.

     "Naah.  You've got enough of it down pat.  Let's just enjoy
the rest of the night."

     "Have I done anything wrong yet?" Ryouga asked, selecting a
table.

     "Hmm?  Oh, the test.  I'll let you know if you mess up,"
Charlotte said, sitting down.  "Just use a little common sense. 
That should do you.  Hmm.  Okonomiyaki, okonomiyaki, and more
okonomiyaki.  Quite a diverse menu.  You might want to consider
taking Akane somewhere else."

     "Don't worry," Ryouga said.  "This place and Nekohanten are
out.  Fiancee confliction, thanks to Ranma's general greediness."

     "I thought the other fiancees were either forced or
misunderstandings."

     "Same deal," Ryouga said.

     "After this, we'll go to a movie, head back to camp, and
start preparing for tomorrow's plan," Charlotte said, closing the
menu.  "I've got it all charted out, and exactly who we need to
distract.  It'll be easier than I thought."

     "Do you think it'll work?" Ryouga asked.

     "Of course.  And if it doesn't, I have a backup plan," she
said.  "Family heirloom.  I salvaged it out of the pack of gear
Buford was carrying for me.  It's not much compared to the heaps
of magic in an average day around Furinkan, but it's enough."

     Charlotte pulled a plastic disc, and snapped it open,
revealing a powder puff on one half of the circle and a mirror on
the other.

     "I didn't know you wore makeup," Ryouga noted.

     "I don't.  Backup plan," she said, closing the mirror again. 
"Alright, let's order.  I think I'm beginning to develop a taste
for okonomiyaki."

                              *

     Nabiki peeked around from her protective tree.  Normally
she'd leave intelligence gathering to the girls at school, but it
was too late to go calling on them now.

     Ryouga's old site was deserted.  It had been repaired to an
extent; the campfire was rebuilt, albeit extinguished at the
moment.  The wreckage of trees and boat parts had been cleared,
and a piece of paper laid out in the clearing.

     Hmmm.  Nabiki glanced around, to make sure that she wasn't
being watched, and examined the paper.  SOMEONE had been
researching the area... they had managed to get about ninety
percent of the relationships between everybody she knew correct.

     First step was to fill in the gaps, the few parts to
Victor's story that he didn't tell Ranma.  She traced the arrows
between Victor and the others... he's afraid of Akane?  Hmm. 
That could be used... she couldn't make out the color of the
arrow between Charlotte and Ryouga, the only arrow Charlotte's
circle had going outwards.

     One odd thing was an arrow from Ryouga to Akane... this was
news to Nabiki.  Why was there a circle reading P-Chan above
Ryouga?  Not enough room to fit it in elsewhere?  Most likely. 
Unless... naah.  That couldn't be it.

     So what was the point of this chart?  Some links were
circled, as if they'd be important... particularly the ones
involving herself, Kunou, Victor and Ranma.  Those arrows were
redrawn, circled, with little notes in french.  What was Ryouga
up to, and what did it have to do with her?

                              *

     "...and he dressed up as your fiancee?" Charlotte asked,
walking alongside Ryouga.

     "Yeah.  I can't believe I fell for it.  I thought someone
actually loved me, despite the curse... then it turned out to
just be Ranma in disguise."

     "Ouch.  Poor guy," Charlotte said.  "You just haven't had
much luck, Ranma or no Ranma.  This way, Ryouga," she said for
the tenth time that night, pulling Ryouga along before he made a
wrong turn.

     "At least with you helping me, I'll finally get my revenge
on Saotome," Ryouga said.  "Then, at last... I'll be able to be
with Akane.  Without the meddling of the rest of Ranma's
friends."

     "You really love her, don't you?" Charlotte asked.

     "It's... hard to explain.  I thought she loved me at first,
since she treated me nice when nobody else would, but I realized
that was just because I was a cute little pig.  But when I'm
human, she's still pretty friendly with me... she's the only girl
who's given me a fair shake.  I just wish I could express that to
her without something getting in the way."

     "Come on, Ryouga, certainly a nice guy like you has had
girls other than Akane pay attention to you," Charlotte said. 
"You're kind, you're witty, you do the right thing and have a
neat umbrella."

     "And I get lost all the time, I turn into a pig when wet and
I have an enemy that screws up my life at every step," Ryouga
countered.

     "Being a pig isn't so bad," Charlotte said.  "You get used
to it."

     The conversation lulled, looking for a new topic.  They kept
walking, theater in sight a block away.

     "You've having fun tonight, right?" she asked, smiling.

     "Yeah, it's nice," Ryouga said.  "I mean, I really never get
a chance to talk with a friend."

     "Friend," Charlotte repeated, smile falling.

     "We're here," Ryouga said.  "Okay... looks like 'True Lies'
will be starting in a few minutes, or if you're interested in
some animation, they've got 'Fist of the North Star'."

     "Any non-action movies?  They have 'Sleepless in Seattle'."

     "That's a girl's film," Ryouga scowled.

     "Well, *I* happen to adore it," Charlotte humphed.  "It's a
sweet story."

     "It's boring."

     "What, you'd rather watch animated behemoths lose six times
their body weight in blood?"

     "Beats mushy stuff," Ryouga said.

                                   *

     "I knew it!" Kunou said, grimacing behind his binoculars. 
"Look at them fight.  She must secretly detest the fact that she
is with someone the likes of Hibiki, yet cannot break the spell."

     "It's awful, I know," Victor said, feigning sadness.  "The
truth hurts.  It's up to YOU, Kunou.  Only you can keep her last
night in Japan from being a total disaster.  After all... lord
knows what that Ryouga character was planning to do with her
before the night was over..."

     "He wouldn't!" Kunou gaped.

     "You never know.  Look at the way he's looking at her!"

     Kunou looked.  "They're just arguing."

     "That's the first step.  Don't you ever watch those police
shows with domestic disputes?  Arguing leads to... other things. 
Do you want such an object of beauty marred by Hibiki's poor
dental work and arcane practices?"

     Kunou stood up, shaking with rage.  "I, Blue Thunder shall
liberate the golden haired one and crush Hibiki, in the name of
good dates everywhere!" he shouted, holding his bokken high. 
Lightning crashed, backlighting him dramatically.

     "Yeah, you go do that.  I'll be up on the roof watching,"
Victor said.  "Best of luck."

     Kunou stomped off, a determined gate keeping him at constant
velocity.  Victor finally let out that laugh he had been holding
in all night.  The MORON!  He bought the entire story, hook line
and SINKER.  Charlotte'd be on the first plane out of here
tommorow, with good 'ol Kunou making sure she doesn't get away
because 'she's enchanted'.  The lie worked.

     This was gonna be Fun with a capital F.  Victor grabbed a
drainpipe, and scaled the nearest building.  Chaos was best
observed from high altitudes, where you couldn't get hurt.

                              *

     "...but how did they manage to light up the building like
that in the end?" Ryouga asked.  "I mean, that's just silly. 
Almost a plot device."

     "It's not supposed to be logical, it's supposed to be
romantic," Charlotte said.  "By the way, you can officially call
this conversation a mistake, Ryouga.  You'd better watch your
mouth more if you want to succeed with your DEAR Akane."

     Charlotte spun around, angry.  So much for Ryouga the
hopeless romantic.  Jerk.  Hmph.

     "I..." Ryouga started, realizing where this was going. 
"Charlotte... I'm sorry.  Really.  It's just not my kind of
movie, really... if I made you mad--"

     Charlotte turned around to continue arguing, only to have a
kendo-shaped blur speed its way between the two of them.  Kunou
stopped, bokken drawn and ready.

     "Curse you, Hibiki!" he growled, fire burning in his eyes. 
"How DARE you violate an innocent maiden such as the golden
haired one?  I shall strike you down and rescue her!"

     Charlotte blinked.  Did she miss an arrow on her chart?

     "What are you TALKING about, Kunou?" Ryouga asked, getting
angry.

     "I was about to ask the same thing," Charlotte said.  "I
don't need to be rescued."

     "Hah!  Her brother told me the whole story, about how you
have enslaved her with some magical power," Kunou said.  "How
dare you take advantage of her like that?  This is unforgivable,
Hibiki!"

     Ryouga paused, midway through the motions of reaching for
his umbrella.  He reconsidered, eyes un-narrowing.  "Ah, forget
it.  Charlotte, let's get inside before the movie's over.  I'm
not going to ruin our date by fighting this ignorant fool.  I've
had that happen too many times in the past to let it happen
again."

     "Okay," Charlotte said, walking around from behind Kunou. 
"Any movie's fine with me.  You pick."

     "If you want to see 'Sleepless in Seattle', we'll see it,"
Ryouga said.  "I don't mind.  It'll be fun."

     "'Fist' isn't THAT bad," she said.  "If you'd rather see
that..."

     Kunou trembled in anger.  Not only was Hibiki continuing to
hold power over the golden haired one, he was IGNORING him! 
Tatewaki Kunou, the rising star of Furinkan High!

     Very well, if he dost wish to ignore me, I shall ignore him. 
Kunou grabbed Charlotte's arm, scooped her up and ran for it. 
Let's see how the rouge enjoys losing his night's quarry!

     "?" Charlotte said, as Kunou started to make a run for it,
'rescuing' her from Ryouga.

     Ryouga blinked, as Kunou rapidly vanished.  Vanished, with
Charlotte.  With his date.  With HIS CHARLOTTE.

     His eyes flashed red, his teeth ground in anger.  HOW DARE
HE?!!?  Ryouga broke into a flat-out run, trailing the kendo
champion through the nighttime streets.

                              *

     Hrm, Victor worried from his rooftop hiding place.  Perhaps
he went a little to far in Kunou's programming.  He was running
away with his sister in an attempt to keep Ryouga away from her! 
Not good.  After all, Victor needed her before tonight's flight
to France departed from the gate.  Victor backed up, and launched
into a run, skipping from rooftop to rooftop, trailing the two
combatants.  Best not let them get away.

                              *

     "Kunou, what do you think you're doing?" Charlotte asked,
skipping along the ground to keep up with his run.

     "I'm saving you from a fate worse than death, golden haired
one."

     "My brother lied to you, Kunou.  He's just using you to get
back at me and bring me home!"

     "Fear not, golden haired one.  I know your true wishes. 
Your brother said that you might claim something like that. 
Denial can be an ugly thing."

     Charlotte tried to twist around to see where Ryouga was. 
Certainly he didn't decide to abandon her?  Or what if he did try
to chase, and got lost... he could be gone for days...

     That ride to France is looking awfully assured, she thought
in horror.  I don't want to go home now!  Not when my plans are
almost ready to go!  I can't leave Ryouga like this...

     "Do you have her?!" a voice called down from the rooftop. 
Charlotte looked up... brother dear.  Always hiding up high, as
usual, where you can't be touched.

     "Yes!  We are victorious against Hibiki!" Kunou replied,
continuing his jog.

     "Yeah, whatever, just remember the deal!  Tokyo airport,
tonight at ten.  Make SURE she's there!!"

     "A deal is a deal!  I believe we can stop running now."

     Kunou slowed to a stop, turning around to make sure Ryouga
wasn't there.  He was missing, lost somewhere in the chase.  Lost
forever, Charlotte thought, crestfallen.

     Kunou set Charlotte back on her feet.  "There.  I believe
Ryouga has gotten himself lost, much to our benefit."

     "Exactly.  You guys lost him a few blocks back," Victor
called down, leaning on the rooftop edge.  "I saw him turn and
slam right through a building.  Boom, collapse, and that was
that.  Nobody can run through solid brick and live.  The
airport's this way... I've prepurchased tickets--"

     "EXPLODING POINT TECHNIQUE!!!!" boomed a voice from inside
the building Victor stood on, as the front collapsed in a massive
explosion, roof caving in.  Victor yelped and fell backwards into
the rubble, as the dustcloud rose.  Kunou quickly jumped in front
of Charlotte to shield her from any debris.

     Kunou swiped at the dust cloud, bokken swinging wildly. 
"Who is the coward that hides behind dust?  Show thyself!"

     The dust cleared.  Ryouga stood in the center of the damage,
unharmed, finger out in the exploding point technique position. 
He slowly, very slowly lowered his hand.

     "Hibiki," Kunou identified, adopting to a fighting stance. 
"Will you never give up?  First Akane, and now the golden haired
one?  I could forgive you for being blinded by Akane's beauty,
but for you to lust after one of high lineage is improper!"

     "Tatewaki Kunou," Ryouga addressed, in a steady tone.  "YOU
HAVE RUINED MY DATE..."

     A yellow glow formed around Ryouga, crawling around his skin
and balling up between his now outstretched hands.  The glow
formed a perfect sphere, underlighting the face of Ryouga, a face
beyond mere annoyance and all the way into the other side of
depression.  "Why won't everybody just GO AWAY, and LEAVE US
ALONE?  ROARING LION BULLET!!!!!"

     The yellow sphere exploded outward, slamming into Kunou with
the force of a speeding New York taxi cab.  Kunou was thrown
backwards across the street, tumbling in the ki-winds.  When the
yellow beam finally faded away, a smoking path had been carved in
the road, leading all the way to the Tatewaki-shaped hole in the
wall.

     "Much better," Ryouga said, drained and limp.  "Now... I
think we still might be able to catch the movie..."  He
collapsed.

     "Ryouga!" Charlotte called, dashing over to catch him. 
Ryouga fell into her arms awkwardly, energy spent by the blast.

     Charlotte smiled.  Well, one thing's for sure; he did know
how to show a girl a good time.  She propped him up, putting an
arm around her, and started the long drag back to camp.

                         END - Part 6
        (Closing theme : Lambada Ranma (acid burn mix))

     All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi.  Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT.  Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.