Ranma 1/2 : Ministry of Confusion Part 15 A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne (Most characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi, obviously. If I ever even considered claiming that these were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced to eat my own lungs to live.) (This is the FINAL EPISODE of Ministry of Confusion... which means the next task is getting the MoC Perfect Collection box set together. Be sure to check http://www.wam.umd.edu/~twoflowr/ministry.htm for updates, it could take awhile.) -=- The officer in charge looked around for Yuriko. The skating queen's manager wasn't around, clearly... but he had orders to make sure nothing funny happened... but wasn't the POINT of comedy on ice to be funny? Stuck in a quandary, he just decided to watch the show and hope it got funnier. The Akane sliding across the ice and approaching Ranko didn't seem particularly funny. Particularly not the way she was swinging around that large wooden mallet, although watching Ranko scramble to avoid the blows was kind of amusing... Ranko wasn't amused one bit. "Akane, cut it out! You could hurt someone!" "That's the IDEA, you baka!" Akane sneered, swinging wildly. Ranko avoided the blow by falling to the ice, letting her spin out like a top on the frictionless surface. Akane landed on the ice, hard, mallet clattering. "Look... Akane? I'm a little busy here, Umm... I can talk it over with you later--" "The time for talking is OVER, Ranma," Akane stated, scrambling for her hammer. "I saw you on the television, out here. And I saw you change into a girl. So not only do you not love me, you've been lying to me about your real gender all this time! Do you have any idea how embarrassed I am about this?" "Look, I'm sorry things turned out the way they did, but it's not my fault!" Ranma said, using her skates to back away from the crazed girl. "Someone made you think you were the Akane I knew, just to keep me from noticing... you're just a pawn in this. Don't be mad at me, be mad at the person who made you think you were Akane!" "It doesn't matter who I am really!" Akane yelled, grabbing her hammer and using it to push herself along the ice. "I told you to your face that I loved you and you told me to go away! How COULD you?" "I never said that!" Ranma said, finally getting to his skates and proceeding to coast backwards, avoiding wild hammer swings. "You said you didn't know me!" "And I DON'T! But that doesn't mean I don't like you." Akane paused. "You mean... you do?" "Well, Akane, it's like this," Ranma reasoned, relieved not to be on the receiving end of more mallet swings. "You're a nice girl -- really! -- but, well, I care for you as a human being, but you know, not as--" The audience laughed wildly as Ranko took a mallet impact to the chest. It looked so realistic! * Kodachi got out of her limo, ignoring the various media figures that gathered around any Minister who travelled in public. She stormed past the cameras, fans who wanted her autograph, and other various nothings, straight to her officer of the guard. "AHEM," she ahemed, clearing her throat. The officer, who was busy watching the brawl on the ice, jumped and span around. "Aahhh... Mistress Commander of the Peace Kodachi Kunou!" "Miss Kunou will do, captain. What seems to be the problem? I had expected something a lot more comprehensible than the mayhem I saw on the television tonight..." "Well, umm, Azusa got clubbed and we needed a replacement, so we went through MoP's files and found this Amazing Ranko person, only some guy ran out and attacked Sanzenin but Ranko's manager said that was okay and--" "Calm down, captain. You're babbling. What's going on right now?" "Ranko and some other girl are doing a slapstick routine, I think," the captain said, gesturing to the ice. "That's not 'Ranko'," Kodachi said. "My, I was surprised to see the little switcheroo this evening on my television... ah, Ranma darling... do me a favor and bring the redhaired one in for questioning." "What, in the middle of the ice show?" "You've got the screens. Use them." "But her manager said--" "Her manager," Kodachi interrupted, "Is being dealt with." "Huh? None of my troops have said anything about--" "I've employed the specialist for her. Seems our little miss manager is the one who's been toying with us all this time, according to the video tape... she will be taken care of. Now, will you carry out your orders, or do you want to pursue this time-consuming line of questioning? Do your duty, captain." "Hai, ma'am. Right away," the officer nodded. "Okay, boys, screens up." * "You don't have to do this, you know," Yuriko protested, struggling against the arm that held her captive, and the other which carried the gun. "Whatever Ministry of Peace pays out, I'm sure Ministry of Economics can pay six times that. Honestly." "Shut up," the muffled voice behind the ski mask replied. "Look, I'm a master of martial arts. Really. Don't make me hurt you with my, umm, hack fu." "So am I. Now shut up." "Who ARE you, anyway?" "I said SHUT UP!" "You're that specialist I've been looking into in my spare time, aren't you? The one that wrecked MoE's Basement? If you were supposed to kill me, why haven't you done it by now?" Yuriko asked. "Second thoughts?" "SHUT--" "--up, yes, shut up, I know. Sorry, no thanks. I don't think you have the guts to pull that trigger--" The specialist aimed the gun at a nearby wall, and fired. The bullet whanged off a pipe, echoing around the room. "--but I could be wrong," Yuriko smiled weakly. The pipe, already weak from rust, burst open. The two figures were doused from head to toe in hot water, knocking them over with sheer water pressure. "GAAAH!" Gosunkugi spat, wrenching himself free of the specialists's grip. He started making a run for it. "STOP!" the specialist demanded. Gosunkugi paused, skidding to a halt on the wet floor, and turned around. "Oh, alright, get on with it," Gosunkugi whined. "This is getting boring." "Gos... GOSUNKUGI?" the specialist asked, eyes wide. Her voice... "Yeah, Gosunkugi... do I know you?" he asked, peering oddly at the person holding the gun. Now that the voice had changed from gruff orders to something more recognizable, Gosunkugi could swear that-- "I... But I have to... look, just run," the specialist said, lowering the gun. "Run away." "Exsqueeze me?" "RUN!" the specialist ordered, waving her gun in a less than confident manner. "GO!" Gosunkugi didn't need to be told twice. Without a backwards glance, he made a break for it, trying to find the parking lot. That voice... it COULDN'T be... but it was. And for the first time, the pieces fit. * Akane looked up, dropping the hammer. "What's going on?" Ranma watched as the border surrounding the rink began to glow. Within seconds, the audience was gone; behind a wall of light, blocking all sight of them. The two girls were alone on the rink. From the audience's point of view, the rink was simply empty... lights off, nobody home. Cameras clicked over to a TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY screen. Several soldiers began ushering people out, much to their dismay, while others dove for the rink, vanishing from sight once they reached the border... ...only to appear through the holographic wall of light, fully armed, to confront Ranma and Akane. "What's going on?" Akane asked. "Okay, drop her!" the officer ordered. The sound of machine gun fire ripped across the rink, rebounding off the special walls to prevent the audience from hearing anything going on... machine gun bullets rebounding through Akane. Akane, look of shock expressing surprise more than pain, collapsed on the ice, rapidly staining it red. "AKANE!" Ranma screamed, trying to stumble her way across the ice. Several guards, already laced up with skates and trained, slid in her way. "Time to go, miss," they said, resting not unkind hands on her shoulders. Restraining ones. "Dammit, why'd you have to do that to her?" Ranma scowled. "She was just..." "She was a threat to a target we were ordered to bring in. Come along, miss." "If you think for a MINUTE that I'm going to--" CRACK. The rifle butt retracted as Ranma hit the ice, out for the count. "I'm glad Miss Kunou suggested that," the soldier noted. "I'd hate to have to deal with her awake... what should we do about the other one?" "Eh, I dunno. Let the rink medics tag and bag her. She's a goner. We've got to get Ranko out of here, come on." * "WHAT?!" Gosunkugi screamed, sweating visibly. "Sorry, you're on your own," Nabiki said. "Ministry of Peace knows who you are now, in both forms. I'm afraid any attempts by me to bail you out would connect us. Try not to say anything if they get you, please. NT out." "No, no, Nabiki, you can't do this! I've been your right hand man for so long... What about Ranma?" "He's outlived his usefulness. Besides, Kodachi already has him." "And you're gonna abandon him, too?" "Things are happening, DT. Troops are moving out to the war front in droves. Something very weird is happening at Ministry of Peace... I've got more important concerns. Thanks for your years of service. NT out." "Wait!" Gosunkugi said. "If you drop me now, you'll never know what happened to your sister!" Nabiki paused. "Eh?" "You may think you're high and mighty and I'm just this expendable little tool, but this tool knows more than you EVER will," Gosunkugi ranted. "You've made me too powerful, Nabiki, and now I'VE got the upper hand on you. I know where Akane Tendo is." "You said she died in the Ministry of Data warehouse!" "I told a little white lie," Gosunkugi grinned. "All I want in exchange for this information is safe passage out of this insane asylum. The ice rink is crawling with MoP types... I had to crash the van into a building and take the phone with me just to distract them. If they get me, your sister's location goes with me." "I suppose I could send in a transport... but we can't bring you back here, that's too dangerous." "I don't need to go there. Just give me access to whatever files I've got about the Ministry of Confusion... I think I filed them as GH.3515.1123.1... and a lift wherever I want to go, I'll be out of your hair forever." "The what? Those graffiti people? What good are they?" "I said I knew more than you. Now is it a deal or not?" "It's... it's a deal. Where's Akane?" "I'll tell your boys AFTER they drop me off." * Akane looked up, through the red honeycombs of her own vision. "You'd better lie still," a calming, soothing voice said, from somewhere to her left. "You've taken multiple bullet wounds... you've lucky I heard the noise and came after you. Most of the MoP medical team had left already with Azusa, but I'm on call by the rink's staff management 24 hours a day..." "Who're..." "Doctor Odo Tofu," the doctor replied, fuzzy head leaning into her vision. "I don't know how this happened, but you'll get better. What went wrong out there? All the televisions in here went into a test pattern, and the rink looked empty for awhile..." "I... I was..." "No, never mind the question. It's in the past; just concentrate on getting better now. I've given you some shiatzu points to help with the pain, and I'll have the Loyal Order of Tofus send down a transport to get you to better medical facilities--" "Don't leave me!" "Relax, miss, I won't. What did you say your name was?" "Akane..." "No, I mean your full name." "I don't... I'm not sure anymore... what's your name?" "Odo Tofu." "Tofu..." Akane thought happily, sinking into warmth. "Such a nice name..." With that, she fell asleep. * ...ranma darling... ...wake up... Ranma groggily shook his head, trying to clear it of the mess it had become over the past few days. Honestly, these people fought dirty... KLONK and you were out, no real battle to it... ...Ranma... "RANMA!!" Kodachi shouted directly in his left ear, sending whatever train of thought he had into a screaming wreck. "Are you feeling okay?" "No," Ranma said, slumping forward in his chair. "Where am I..." "My personal lair," Kodachi grinned, bounding in front of him. "I'm so happy we could meet again! So bittersweet, however, how you're working for that tramp Nabiki... and how she cursed you to be female... I shall punish her for that." "Where's Akane?" Ranma asked, looking around the darkened room. "Which one?" "The one at the ice rink!" "Oh. My troops killed her. She was hurting you!" "They KILLED HER?!" Ranma exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. "Oh dear! This seems to have disturbed you. I shall have the officer responsible flogged, then, to ease your worries. Can I get you anything for your head? Aspirin? Lithium? Thorazine? Prozac?" "No thanks... can I go home?" Ranma asked. "Of course not! You're with me now, why should you want to go back to that horrible dojo with that horrible little vixen and that horrible fat old man?" "It's not that horrible," Ranma grumbled. "Look, miss--" "Mistress Kodachi," Kodachi nodded. "I've got important business to attend to..." "Fine... I cannot harm you, Ranma, or impede you. I would never dream of it. On your way, then." "?" Ranma asked. "Well, okay. Thanks." "I just hope you can live with the consequences..." Kodachi said, in a cheery little sing-song voice. Ranma paused. "I had a feeling there'd be a clause somewhere in there. Okay, what's the deal?" "Very simple, really," Kodachi said. "You can do whatever you'd like. But see, if you do something that displeases me, it kind of gets me edgy... I love to push buttons when I'm edgy, it gives me something to let out my anger on. I've got this lovely button on my bracelet as you can see here, which I'd probably push if you were to displease me..." "..and this button does?.." Ranma egged on, waiting for the punch line. "Allow me to demonstrate," Kodachi said, clapping twice. The lights snapped on. The office was rather barren, except for a desk, office chair, a rack of strange weapons and torture implements, Akane Tendo tied to a wall fixture, some nice carpeting-- Back up a minute. "Ranma?" Akane asked, in a mousy, frightened voice. * Gosunkugi hopped out of the generic MoE van, landing on the sidewalk pavement. "Thanks for the lift, see you around, Irving," he waved to the driver. "Hold up," Irving said. "Nabiki told me I was supposed to get some information out of you now." "Oh, yeah, that," Gosunkugi said. "Okay. Tell her I'm not going to tell her, she can go to hell, and I'm planning on keeping her sister safe and sound, away from the vindictive little bitch's plots and plans." "You want that said word for word?" Irving laughed. "Come on, DT, you know better than to tell off Nabiki like that. No, really, what message should I relay?" "I told you my message." "I don't think I can accept that answer. You want me to haul your ass back to MoE to get a real one, DT?" "You want me to wideband your sexual preferences and favorite foodstuffs and how they relate to the world, Irving?" Irving paused. "No." "Then you take your little toy car and you drive back to Nabiki and tell her that," Gosunkugi said. "But emphasize the safe and sound part. I can't guarantee that if Nabiki comes scouting for me, you know." "Yeah," Irving nodded. "Umm. Okay. Go to hell, vindictive little bitch. Got it. You want me to sing that to any particular tune?" "Just bug off, okay? I've got biz to conduct," Gosunkugi said. Irving pulled away, driving much more safely than Gosunkugi normally would. The former Ministry of Economics secret agent shrugged, and descended into the cellar of the abandoned building. He was very quickly learning just how powerful information was. He'd be residing in a MoP cell, dead or alive, if it weren't for the stockades and stockades of information he carried around. Now he was more powerful than Nabiki, more powerful than Kodachi... he could probably bring both of them down with a few sentences. Probably more dangerous than those two. But DEFINITELY not as well defended as those two. Which is why he chose to look up Jodan and the gang, he thought, stepping off the last stair. Best handle this casually; you are powerful. Nothing can hurt you except for automatic weapons or knives or fists or three foot katanas or STOP that thought right there... "I'm looking for the lord of the freaks?" he asked the darkened room. "He's in a meeting," the boy behind him said. Gosunkugi spun around, meeting the boy face to face. "How can I help you?" "I've got a deal to make with Jodan, leader of the Ministry of Confusion. And you are...?" "Raph, his left hand man. What's this deal?" * Akane was tied quite securely with a gymnastics ribbon to the wall, a bit of light fixture that didn't seem bolted, but physically molded from the same steel that the wall was made of. She didn't have any bruises or other indications of physical trauma, but she was clearly frightened beyond mortal comprehension... "It works like this, Ranma darling," Kodachi said, wandering over to Akane and resting a helping hand on her shoulder. "See, my little Akane extender friend here, we signed a contract a long time ago. Very long ago... but contracts are forever, you see. She works for me now. A 'specialist' of sorts, a dirty work person." "How is that possible? Akane's been with my family--" "I hadn't needed her until recently, so I let her stay in her kawaii little dojo. When the time came, I was lucky that she ran away from home! My boys tried to get her off the street, but she got away... a quick phone call reminder about her obligation and possible punishment cured that. I had hoped my little replacement Akane would spackle up the gaps--" "Replacement?" Akane asked. "--but you see, Tomboy Akane Saotome here had trouble with the duties I gave her," Kodachi continued. "Sure, she managed to really maul Nabiki's secret hideout, but when ordered to, she couldn't kill that silly MoE agent who's been pestering my affairs! Such disobedience... fortunately, there's a clause in her contract wherein if she fails me, she dies." "If you so much as lay a HAND on her--" Ranma started. "See, that's the fun part! I don't need to! The clause in her contract is the bag in her body. Remote control, interactive mayhem. Wave of the future stuff. I push the button here on my little white bracelet, and lots of chemicals get pumped into her bloodstream. Liquid pain, Ranma. Most people can't hang onto their lives under the pain for more than an hour, but I figure a girl with her stamina could be in intolerable pain for days and days before dying--" "You little--" "Bad words! No bad words. We're all friends here," Kodachi said, wandering over to Ranma. "I don't like bad language and I don't really think you want to displease me. Now, let's see. What to do on a boring sunday afternoon... I believe I have Monopoly, although really Nabiki's better at it..." "Ranma?" Akane asked. "I'm... sorry I got into this mess..." "What's to keep me from just untying that stupid ribbon and getting us out of here?" Ranma asked, pointing to Akane. "Simple. I'd push the button. Now really, Ranma, don't make this harder than it has to be. I'm hoping we'll learn to truly love one another... it's only a matter of time. Unless you'd rather have your little friend die." "I don't want to die!" Akane yelled, trying to pull at the ribbon. The ribbon cut into her hands slightly, but wouldn't yield. "What happens to YOU, clone, depends on what Ranma does," Kodachi said, pointing an accusing finger at Ranma. "How about it, Ranma? Play Monopoly with me? I don't like to lose, by the way." * Gosunkugi knew Jodan had been busy, but his files could only vaguely grasp how busy. He recognized many of the faces from the files he himself had compiled. Miss Hinako... Happousai... all ten Tsubasae... Mikado Sanzenin... the extenders known as Ryouga Hibiki and Wrong Way Tendo... plus countless others Gosunkugi recognized from this file or that file. "Been active lately, haven't we?" Gosunkugi smirked. "I find it poetic in a way," Jodan said. "See, everybody in this room has been touched by Kodachi one way or another. Usually the wrong way. She doesn't seem to think that three high school punks could possibly be a threat to her, so I decided to prove her wrong." "We've got a really righteous destruction squad now," the young, evil-looking one named Chao replied. "How did you get all these people? I mean, I ran Happousai over--" "Rebuilt," Jodan corrected. "Not as easy as a paintbot, but the organic bits weren't harmed, thankfully." "The Tsubasas went brain dead." "We simply overcame our inhibitors," one of the Tsubasas piped in with. "We don't take orders from the Ribbon anymore, since she asked us to hurt Ucchan." "And Mikado... HOW did Mikado get here so quick?!" "One of the Tsubasas posed as a garbage can near the rink. It was just a matter of waiting until the mayhem on ice got high enough for nobody to notice a second trash can nearby... IE, Mikado in disguise... then wait awhile for the place to clear out." "I just got here a minute or two ago," Mikado said. "I never really intended to defect to Ministry of Economics, but I needed you to help Jodan get me out. Sorry." "So what's this deal you're talking about?" Jodan asked. "Come to join the savior of the freaks, the lord of the discarded MoP toys? We always welcome newcomers. We play bridge on Thursdays inbetween plotting anarchic ruin, you know." "I know you folks are planning on assaulting the MoP tower sometime soon." "That's right. After all, the place is rapidly emptying, troops moving out to the war front. We figure we'll have a good shot at taking the place in a few days." "I think you had better move up your attack to today," Gosunkugi said. "Can't," Jodan replied. "Look, I may take on silly titles, but frankly this 'fighting force' isn't the next A-Team. We need to wait for the weakest moment if we want to pull this shtick off, you know? It'd look rather silly if we attacked the place and lost." "I have two main reasons," Gosunkugi said. "Well, one reason and one information trade." "Reason first." "Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo are being held captive there." "WHAT?!" Ryouga blurted out. "Akane?" "It's true," Gosunkugi nodded. "I think they've got Akane working as a 'specialist'... Kodachi's done it before. Typically she kills them once they outlive their usefulness, usually with a cortex bomb or something similar..." "Ministry of Peace is LOADED with delinquents!" Miss Hinako yelped. "This just proves that. Why not strike now and give them all detention before they do something not-nice to these people?" "I don't want my friend to die," Wrong Way Tendo said. "Why not step up the attack date?" "Ranma sweetums is there?!" Happousai exclaimed. "Such a waste of a lovely young girl! We must do something." "Ranma helped us avoid hurting Ucchan. We will help rescue him," three of the Tsubasas said. "Gang, need I remind you we're not an unstoppable army of justice here?" Jodan said. "Tsubasa has been scouting the tower for days now, and if the data is accurate, we're not going to be able to safely take the building for awhile. We need to wait for Kodachi to shift most of her forces over to Ryjekistani." "I can tell you two more things to convince you," Gosunkugi said. "Haven't you been wondering who the impersonators are?" "What impersonators?" "The Ministry of Confusion impersonators. The ones who bomb cafes, who do drive by shootings..." "They haven't struck in a long time..." Raph noted. "There's a reason," Gosunkugi said. "See, it was Kodachi's troops who were doing those things in your name." "That's nuts," Raph rebutted. "Why would Kodachi do something like that to her own city?" "Because it makes you look more evil. See, her plan, as she explained, was to haul you folks in when the time was right so she could claim her power over crime again. If Ministry of Peace could bring in 'terrorists of your kind' when Ministry of Sanitation couldn't, she'd easily regain her powers. But Kodachi has changed goals, don't you see? She doesn't care about domestic issues like crime anymore, so she gave up on that plan and left you alone. She's got a much nastier plan in mind. That's my second bit of information. And frankly, if that doesn't convince you to act fast, I don't know what will..." "So speak up," Chao demanded. "What's going on that we don't know about?" "It's like this. You know these little plans she's put most of you through, genetic tampering to make the ultimate soldier? Well, she's found the right combination. And she's been using it, under the guise of dental checkups..." * "I'm afraid we're a bit understaffed at the moment, or else I'd send up for a nice dinner," Kodachi said, landing the top hat on Broadway. "Hrm. I believe you own that, Ranma darling... how much is the rent?" "Astronomical," Ranma grumbled. "You've gone broke twice, Kodachi. Give it up." "Well... I could always play with buttons instead--" "NO!" Akane yelled. "Please!" "Akane, relax, I'll get you out of this," Ranma said "Then why are you playing BOARD GAMES with that... that... MANIAC?" Akane asked. "You know, Kodachi, people are going to come looking for me," Ranma said, passing GO and collecting 200 yen. "My friends at Ministry of Economics are probably rallying up a fighting force." "OHOHOHO!" Kodachi laughed. "Unlikely! Nabiki hasn't the foggiest idea what I'm doing. She still thinks that she can get 'evidence' of my hobbies and bring me to court. Her courts don't apply, I'm afraid. No... I'm moving on to bigger, brighter things. As for your little friend Yuriko, I believe Nabiki's ditched the poor girl." "Ditched?" Ranma swallowed. "Oh, certainly. Yuriko's probably running for the border. My troops, what few I've got around, are looking quite intently for her. No, you two are certainly staying put, at least until you don't stay put. I tire of this silly game, however." "About time..." Akane grumbled. Kodachi knocked the board off her desk, scattering hotels and garishly colored yen around the room. "I have better games, anyway... allow me to fetch my whip--" Bzzzt, the desk rang. Kodachi looked away from her rack of torture implements, and returned to the desk, clearing the yen away to reach her intercom. "What is it?" she spoke, impatiently. "Umm... ma'am, we've got trouble," the guard said. "There's a motley crew of citizens down here who are saying they're going to take over the building within the next ten minutes. Should I tell them to go away?" "Just kill them," Kodachi said. "I'm busy." "Well... umm, ma'am, there's a problem. I've got a fifty yen piece aimed at me." "Why would that concern me?" "Because I've seen what it did to the last three squads we sent after these people, that's why! And the umbrella... and those grenades... even that guy's skates... Umm... one of them wants to talk, hang on..." The intercom fell silent for a few moments. "Hi," Jodan said into the mike. "Is this thing on? Testing, one two--" Kodachi's eyes widened. "YOU?" "Yeah. Look, sorry we're early, but we heard you already had some guests over and we figured we'd say hello. We'll be up shortly. Crack open the six packs, we'll probably be rather thirsty... 'bye." With a click, the intercom shut off. "Well, no matter," Kodachi said. "I've been ready to leave for quite some time. You two ready for a little trip?" "I'm not going anywhere with you," Ranma said. "Now you give me that bracelet and I won't have to hurt you." "OHOHOHOHO! As if! Ranma, you don't hit girls, remember?" "There's an exception to every rule," Ranma said, hitting Kodachi. Kodachi doubled over in pain, as Ranma's fist smashed into her stomach. She reeled backwards, from shock and anger, face reddening with the rush of blood and white hot fury. "Why, you ungrateful little--" Ranma clapped twice, and the lights went out. * Henry Tuttle Wataru stormed out of his office, screams of his patient sealed in when he shut the door behind him. "WOT THE BLOODY 'ELL IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!" he yelled to the rapidly retreating soldiers, who were yelling far louder than him as they rushed by him. "I'm trying to get some work done and you twits insist on carryin' on like it was doomsday--" "It IS doomsday! RUN!" one suggested, skimming by the doctor at upwards of 15 miles per hour. "Stop, delinquents!" the woman shouted, charging after them with what looked like... a rolled up bill? "HAPPO FIVE HUNDRED YEN SATSU!" Henry shielded his eyes from the blast, which rocked the building slightly. The soldiers collapsed to the ground, strength completely tapped. "What the..." he started, before the umbrella was pressed against his neck. "YOU," Ryouga scowled, letting the word roll from the left side of his mouth to the right. "You're the one responsible for what's happening with Akane, aren't you? WHERE IS SHE?" "I don't know!" Henry squirmed, pushed up and against the wall by the boy's umbrella. "Kodachi said she was going to play with her new toys... I don't know, try her office. I'm harmless, I swear! I'm not worth the effort!" "If they're in her office, we've got a lot of floors to cover," an Akane in an apron said, tapping Ryouga on the shoulder. "Come on, let the shrimp go. We've got to hurry." Ryouga nodded, and let Henry fall to the floor. Henry scrambled for his office door and through it, ignoring the squirming patient. He packed up whatever he had into his medical bag, and made a run for it. "What's going on?" another Tuttle asked, leaning out of his office door as Henry ran by. "Kodachi's going down, it looks like," Henry said. "And unless you wont to get sucked down too, get whatever you can and hightail it." * The other soldiers had the same idea. Clearly, the ones left behind in the nearly empty Ministry of Peace building were not the creme de la creme of the war machine. Most simply surrendered the minute they saw the approaching armada that they had heard of through frantically whispered rumor; some of the more enthusiastic ones switched sides and made up loyalty oaths, gleefully chasing down their former comrades in arms. The Ministry of Confusion took floor after floor with ease, the few that did put up resistance getting bludgeoned by umbrella, zapped by Miss Hinako, or a number of other untimely fates. "This is too easy," Raph said, continuing to spraypaint anarchy symbols on the walls to mark where they had checked already for Kodachi. "Jodan, I thought you said there'd be a lot of resistance." "I'm surprised too," Jodan nodded. "We--" "BANZAI!!" Chao shrieked, jumping around a corner and sending a fiery inferno blasting after some fleeing Ministry of Peace troops. "Eat this, you martian bastards! YAAAHAHAHAAA..." Raph watched the younger boy run screaming from sight. "Was it really a good idea to give Chao a flamethrower?" "Aww, come on, it's just what he's always wanted!" "True, true. So why is it we're practically walking right through the building?" Jodan started to answer, as the building shook with a tremendous force... framed portraits of Kodachi Kunou fell to the floor and broke, people stumbled, potted plants that weren't just Tsubasa waiting for someone to walk by cracked. "What was that?" Jodan asked. "Did Happousai set off another of his grenades? Where IS Happousai, anyway?" "Sir!" a voice called, as a turncoat Ministry of Peace officer ran up to the pair, panting. "We've found Kodachi's office!" "He's right," Gosunkugi said, catching up. "We just found it on the map. Come on, this way. We've got to rescue Akane!" * "I don't get it," Ranma said, holding very carefully onto the bracelet as he untied Akane. "I thought I had her there... where'd she go?" "At least you got the bracelet off before she escaped," Akane said, rubbing her wrists. "I was so scared..." "You've had that pain bomb in you all this time?" Ranma asked. "Ever since the first night, yeah. I tried to ignore it, but when I got the call at the pizzeria from Kodachi herself... and when I bumped into those soldiers, and managed to run away... I knew they'd be after me." "It's over now, at least," Ranma said. Ranma noticed for the first time that he had been hugging her for the last minute or so. "Umm," Akane said. "Sorry, sorry..." Ranma apologized, stepping back. "Ranma... I know things have been bad between us... but..." "You don't want to continue like that either, huh?" Ranma guessed. "Exactly. Do you think it's possible?" "Well, we'll always have times when we get on each other's nerves... but frankly... I care about you, Akane." "I... I do too, really..." Once again, they found themselves in each other's arms. But this time, they stayed there. Jodan cleared his throat. Akane and Ranma immediately flew apart like a fragmentation grenade. Jodan winked a knowing eye. "Glad to see you two in good health. Seems we've taken the building, huzzah. Either of you two seen one Kodachi Kunou around here?" "No," Ranma said. "I was fighting her earlier, but I think she got away..." "AKANE!" Ryouga and Gosunkugi echoed, pushing by Jodan. "Are you alright?" they continued. "Hold up, Ryouga!" Wrong Way complained, knocking Jodan into the doorframe. Soon after, the room was crowded with the original members of the Ministry of Confusion task force. "Err, I'm fine," Akane nodded. "Get over here, Ryouga," Wrong Way laughed, pulling him away by the ear. "Something is very wrong," Gosunkugi said. "Where's Kodachi?" "Right here!" Kodachi waved, walking in through a secret door. The weapons rack shut behind her. "I had to go get the beer you asked for, after all..." Jodan grinned, and walked forward. "On behalf of a bunch of people who would love to see your entrails hanging on a stick, I would like to formally accept your surrender to the Ministry of Confusion and your resignation as the Commander of the Peace. Do you yield?" "Okay," Kodachi nodded. "Hot dang! Happy ending time," Jodan grinned. "Okay, break out the drinks. Could someone call the 11 o'clock news?" "Something is VERY wrong..." Gosunkugi said, fiddling with a device. "Hang on a second before you party, guys..." "I recognize what I've done wrong and wish to make amends," Kodachi said. "Ranma, Akane, I apologize for the horrible mental torture I put you through. Jodan, I should have taken you more seriously." "She's an extender," Gosunkugi announced, small device blinking green. "I wish you all best of luck in your new regime!" Kodachi announced. "Don't you get it?" Gosunkugi asked. "Kodachi ain't here! She knew you were coming and is probably halfway to Ryjekistani to meet up with her forces! This is just some clone she stuck here to distract us long enough for her to make a clean getaway, with everybody in Tokyo assuming she never left..." "Peace and tranquility and..." Kodachi trailed off. "Foo. Well, guess you figured it out. Aren't you the clever one. Sorry to ruin the party, folks, but none of you are going to get out of here alive to brag about it." "Lady, you're looking down the wrong end of the gun here," Jodan said. "We've got your building! Everybody who is still conscious and kicking is with us! Your reign of terror's over." "Oh, that. True. But I don't think any of you folks are going to be able to find the nuclear bomb I've hidden in the building before it explodes, and takes a nice chunk of Tokyo with it." "Bluffing. She's bluffing," Jodan guessed. "Nope! No bluff." "You'd die too, in that case!" "Who, me? OHOHOHOHOHOHO! I'm just a clone. I feel honored to be able to see my mother's plan out to the end! How beautiful it will be, everything burning with fire..." "Yeah..." Chao said, dreamy. "The colors..." "There ain't no bomb," Jodan said. "Come on, that's ridiculous. We WON! Triumphant! It doesn't end like that." "There is an escape clause, if you want to take it," not- Kodachi said. "See, I've got with me a bracelet similar to the one Ranma's found. My black bracelet detonates the bomb instantly; Ranma's white one will stop the countdown. Here, have mine. With both of these, you get to make the final call, Ranma darling." She took the black bracelet off and passed it over. "Well, what're you waiting for, Saotome?" Gosunkugi asked. "Take the white bracelet and push the button, Frank." "I can't," Ranma said, in a small voice. "If I diffuse the bomb with this other bracelet, Akane'll die." "Yup!" Kodachi grinned. "The white bracelet also releases the pain chemicals into Akane's bloodstream. What a quandary. Save one or doom millions. Your choice, of course." "Push the damn button, I don't want to die!" Raph yelled from somewhere in the back. Several shouts of NO drowned him out like a tidal wave. "Ranma, you've got to," Akane Tendo said. "Kodachi won. There's no way out of this situation other than to kill me. We can't let all those people die!" "No. I'm not going to do that, okay? We can find the bomb..." Ranma said. "We can just find it and diffuse it." "You're nuts. We don't know how to diffuse a goddamn nuclear bomb!" Raph shouted. "Even if we did find it, we'd probably set it off in the process of stopping it." "But we can't let Akane die!" Ryouga shouted. "Ryouga's right," Wrong Way chimed in with. "There has to be another way..." "Look," Ranma said, dropping the bracelets on the desk. "There is always another way. Where's Happousai? Can't he link up to the security systems to find it, and get some files about bombs?" "Happy's missing," Jodan noted. "Any other plans?" "Times a-tickin'," Kodachi warned. "I think you've got about five minutes left before this building and everything in a five mile radius burns to pure ash." "Maybe if we called the other ministers--" "What, and get arrested? I don't think so--" "We can't let Akane DIE--" "I don't wanna die either--" The crowd argued the point back and forth, going nowhere. It was the argument of the damned; words that are there just because nobody wanted to be silent, words of panic that did nothing other than assure everybody that they had something to talk about in the last moments of life. Nobody noticed Akane silently creeping over to the desk. "So if there's no way to find the bomb, can we figure out a way to split the bracelet's two functions?" Ranma asked. "Ranma?" Akane asked. "One sec, Akane. I mean, it can't be tamper proof, can it? And if it gets set off, maybe only one function will be--" "Ranma?" "What, Akane?" "Please forgive me," she begged. Then she pressed the button on the white bracelet. Wherever it was, the bomb's counter stopped. "Akane... you didn't..." Ranma started. "Please forgive me..." she repeated. Then the screaming started, and just kept up, screaming on and on. * Henry Tuttle Wataru was almost out the front door of the Ministry of Peace lobby when the mailbox stopped him. "You're needed upstairs," it said. "Medical emergency." * "What's that racket?" Henry asked, prodded inside the office by the mailbox. "I could hear it all the way down the oh my god." It took three or four Tsubasas to hold Akane down, as the pain wrenched through her system like an electrical current. The screams of agony had cut down to spastic yells and inhuman howls, as sweat poured off her body, muscles unsuccessfully trying to cool off. "You heal her or I'll kill you," Ranma said, grabbing Henry by the shirt and lifting the man four inches off the ground. "You're the bastard that did this, now you get it out." "The pain system..." Henry gasped. "B-But it's not designed to be taken out! Once it's active, there's no counter agent..." "If she dies, you die," Ranma said. "Now DO something." With that, he tossed the hapless doctor to the ground. "Alright, alright, I'll try..." Henry said, cracking open his medical bag and preparing a syringe. "Hold her still, I've got to get this into a vein!" "I can't watch this..." Wrong Way said, face going pale. "It's too horrible..." Ryouga was at her side quickly, and lead her to the door. "Ranma, I'll be outside... come get me when it's over..." "Everybody get out of my bloody way, alright?" Henry said, withdrawing the needle. "Anybody not directly holding the girl down, scramble. I need room. That includes you, Ranma." "I stay," Ranma stated, as the others quietly filed out. "Alright, but get out of the way. I'm going to make another injection... normally quite unpleasant, but frankly, she ain't gettin' worse..." "RAAANMAAAA!!!" Akane screamed, somewhere inbetween screams. Ranma dove down, grabbing for Akane's hand. She squeezed back, nearly to the point of breaking his fingers, but he didn't let go. "Akane... you're going to be okay..." Ranma soothed, or at least attempted to. "No she's not," Henry said, finishing the injection. "This isn't working. Don't you get it? It's supposed to be sodding lethal, an unstoppable force! If I knew how to stop it, I would, but I can't... she's really hanging on there..." Then, the screaming stopped. Akane's eyes rolled back into her head, and her body went limp; the Tsubasas which held her down felt no more resistance. That was that. "...as you can see," Henry finished with. Ranma looked up. "You killed her, you asshole! YOU KILLED AKANE!" "No, no--" Henry protested, as Ranma pounced him to the ground, slamming punch after punch on the Doctor's body. "Goddamn it, everything was going so well, I loved her and you went and killed her!" Ranma yelled, moving his hands to strangle the doctor. A few Tsubasae tried to pull the martial artist off Tuttle, but Ranma was about as movable as the Ministry of Peace building itself. "Akakacalive!" Tuttle coughed. "What?" "She's (hack) alive!" Tuttle spat. "Check for yourself!" Ranma twisted around from his position on the doctor. Akane's chest was rising and falling with breath; the color had drained away from her face, but the lungs were still working. She was alive. Tuttle pushed the stunned boy aside, and crawled over to Akane's side, pulling a small scanner out of his bag. "Blimey... she's alive. She's in a coma, but she's alive... like her body knew how to react to trauma..." "She was in a car bomb once... she went into a coma after that, too," Ranma said. "Past experience saved her, then," Tuttle said, looking at Ranma. "Her body knew how to react to pain. Now, don't ask me how long she'll be like this, but your gel's definitely alive. The pain chemical's still there, but now she's not feeling it... once it runs its course, she might wake up." "Might?" "I can't tell now, obviously. It's too early. You still wont to kill me?" "See what you can do for her," Ranma said, getting up. "I've got to tell the others." * "She's in a COMA?" Wrong Way asked, horrified. "At least she's alive," Mikado said. "To think that one as lovely as she would have to meet such a horrible fate... I may weep openly." "The doctor said he didn't know when she'd come out of it," Ranma said. "But she is alive... thank god..." "Guys, I hate to bring up bad news, but we've got a bigger problem right now," Gosunkugi said. "Kodachi, as of this moment, is in her private jet, somewhere over the sea of Japan, on her way to the war front." "How do you know that?" Ranma asked. "You know that explosion that rocked the building earlier?" Gosunkugi asked. "Catapult launch system. I took the time to check it out while Akane was being treated. Kodachi escaped then, leaving her extender behind. It was a basement launch array, sort of a rocket-jet doohickey... she's gone. And when she gets there, she's going to be commanding most of Tokyo's former army." "Of course... the troop flow..." Mikado said. "I noticed the extra troops, but I didn't know why..." "She's building a personal army, that's why," Gosunkugi said. "I found out a little too late about how she was doing it... she found the perfect soldier, at last. You just use one of Tsubasa's control boxes, and completely scrub the person's personality. No inhibitors; physical damage of the brain is more like it. She's got a team of zombies there now, willing to do anything she wants. I wanted to warn Nabiki, but she sent me off after Mikado instead... I didn't think Kodachi would do things this fast..." "It's true!" Mikado nodded. "Most of the incoming troops seem brain dead. They're the most unreceptive audience members I've ever seen, even the female ones." "So what?" Raph asked, stepping forward. "Look, gang, we just took the MINISTRY OF PEACE. While this is nice and all, we really just wanted to get rid of Kodachi, right? Well, she's gone, good riddance, I think we should concentrate on getting OUT of here before anybody comes knocking." "But if Kodachi gets away, she's not only going to have a large army, but the means to make it grow," Gosunkugi said. "We're not talking about storming onto Tokyo looking for revenge, we're talking about a good chance at world domination here... Tokyo was just the stepping stone--" A small bag of underwear plopped next to Raph's foot. Happousai crawled out of a nearby air vent, grinning. "MOTHERLODE! And I got one of the leotards! This is great. Why all the glum faces?" "It's a long story, Happy," Jodan said gravely. "Well, you should be kissing my feet, I saved your collective keisters," Happousai said. "Would you believe some idiot left a small NUCLEAR WARHEAD lying around the women's laundry room? Of all the nerve! So I stuffed it in this jet/rocket thingy I found while going through the air vents, and someone left with it. Good riddance, I say. And I got a LOT of panties, too!" Pause. "You WHAT?!" Jodan asked. "I got panties!" "No! The warhead!" "Oh, that. It's gone, don't worry. Why, did you know about it already?" "You know..." Gosunkugi said, "If the personal army needs a leader to run the Tsubasa-type controllers... and that leader was to, say, die in a massive fireball somewhere over the ocean..." Ranma entered Kodachi's office, not saying a word. He ignored the confused looks from Henry, who was taking Akane's vital signs, and picked up the black bracelet from the desk. He looked down at Akane, who couldn't look back. And pressed the button. Somewhere over the ocean, an insane laugh stopped. "Burn, Kodachi," Ranma said quietly. * "So it's really her?" Kasumi asked, examining the collapsed doll on the medical stretcher. Even through the IVs and breathing mask, Akane's face was visible. "Yeah, it's her," Gosunkugi said. "I'm so glad you found her," Nabiki said, feigning relief. "To think she was just lost all this time... no trademark, right?" "No trademark." "Talk about your weird nights," Mousse said, adjusting his glasses. "I get out of the shower and hear from one of my aides that not only had Akane Tendo been found, but some anarchists took over the Ministry of Peace and stopped Kodachi from turning traitor and taking over the world. Not what I expected when I woke up. So how did any of this mess HAPPEN?" "I think that doesn't matter now," Nabiki matters. "We've reclaimed our dear sister and learned of Kodachi's treachery... I vote that we close this messy, ugly chapter in history and make laws and assurances to see that it doesn't happen again. Agreed?" "Agreed here," Mousse said. "Ugh, what a mess. If--" "No," Gosunkugi replied. "What, you're saying it's not a mess, Gos?" "No, sir, I'm saying we can't just walk away," Gosunkugi said. "The truth needs to come out." "Gosunkugi, I'd suggest against this," Nabiki warned. "So fire me, Nabiki." "Umm... don't you work for me?" Mousse asked, confused. "Yes and no," Gosunkugi said. "The truth is going to sound weird, but it's important that it finally be known by more than one person. It goes like this." * Ranma had been holding Akane's hand for the last six hours, and showed no signs of stopping. The Ministry of Sanitation nurses worked around him, as if he was another bit of furniture in the room, unmovable. Akane's condition hadn't changed... they gave her a transfusion to flush Kodachi's chemical cocktails out of her system, but now it was just a matter of waiting for her to wake up. Ranma had already decided to wait here until that happened, and had called home to tell his father that... Genma was surprised to hear what was going on, as Ranma told him the entire story. Including the bit about his own clonehood. "Found out, huh?" his dad had said. "So, I take it you're mad at your dear old dad about it..." "No," Ranma stated. "What's done is done. Anyway, I'll be here if you need to contact me." "Are you coming home?" "No. Not yet." That was three hours ago. He hadn't had any visitors, until now. "Nabiki's been fired," Gosunkugi said, wandering in. "You could have knocked," Ranma reminded Gosunkugi, keeping his eyes on Akane. "Thought I'd disturb you that way," Gos said, plopping down in a chair. "Mousse and Kasumi were quite surprised to hear the full story..." "How much did you tell?" "All of it," Gosunkugi said. "From Experiment-A right on through to the ending mayhem. Every detail. Nabiki's been demoted a few rungs in her own governmental ladder... they're looking for replacements now." "And Kodachi?" "Kodachi's dead. We confirmed the blast." "I mean her clone." "I don't know. She and Chao ran off somewhere. I don't think anybody's worried about them. Heck, the entire MoC has been pardoned, since they helped uncover the plot. Now they need a new director for the MoP... if Akane was, umm, you know..." "I know, I know," Ranma nodded. "So everything's out now? No unanswered questions?" "None, except any you may have. Look, I'd just like to ask you one question, then I'll let you drill me for anything you want to know. Anything at all about how the government works and has worked, about history, anything I know about I'll tell you. I think you deserve the truth at this point." "Sounds fair. Your question?" "You really love Akane, don't you?" Gosunkugi asked. "Yeah," Ranma said. "I think I do." "Fair enough, fair enough," Gosunkugi said. "Take good care of her, Saotome. All I ask of you. Now, let's see. Where would you like to start?" "At the beginning." "Okay, the beginning," Gosunkugi nodded. "After the revolution, the Ministries were implemented by Soun Tendo, as a decentralized form of government..." * After the Kodachi Scandal went on the airwaves, story told in full, formal apologies were issued. The government made promises to try and let something like this never happen again, but these weren't the hollow, fake promises such as Truth and Trust; they were simple promises to try and make the wrong things right. The Ministry of Confusion split up just as quickly as it had formed. Jodan became a stand up comic. Raph became a failed modern artist, and switched to doing manga, where he found his true fortune in the weekly exploits of his characters. Chao was last seen with someone looking suspiciously like Kodachi Kunou, and three children who looked suspiciously like the two of them. Ryouga Hibiki had his name legally changed to Ryouga Hibiki, and Wrong Way Tendo became Wrong Way Hibiki by marriage. An unknown, out of the blue candidate for leader of the Ministry of Economics proved her worth at balancing the budget. The Kuonji Bill, as it was known, established her place in government. Who nominated her for the position is unknown. Hinako Ninomiya lost her teaching license after an incident involving blasting the principal of Furinkan with some kind of energy weapon. Currently she is involved in day care. Most of the ex-Ministry of Peace was recovered from the war- torn nation of Ryjekistani, and were taken home for mental treatments. Henry Tuttle Wataru got to work at looking for a cure for the damage done, describing it as 'his lot in life'. So far, no cure has been found. Dr. Odo Tofu was married to a young Tomboy Akane Tofu some time after the incident. All questions were answered except one. Approximately two months after the scandal had broken, in a hospital room deep within the Ministry of Sanitation, Akane Tendo woke up. She looked around; the room had changed since she last looked. She wasn't in the Ministry of Peace anymore, but Ranma was still here, still holding her hand, the last thing she remembered before falling asleep... Speaking of which, Ranma was asleep. He was still hanging onto her hand, granted, but he was asleep; Akane nudged him awake with her hand, careful not to pull at any of the IVs. "Hmphh?" Ranma mumbled, waking up. "A... akane?" "Hello, sleepyhead," Akane smiled. Ranma practically collapsed with little laughs of joy, pulling his head up when he had the strength... he was crying, slightly. "Glad to see you awake," Ranma said. "How do you feel?" "I've got this awful taste in my mouth..." Akane said. "Other than that, okay... where are we?" "A hospital. You went into a coma." "But the bomb? And Kodachi?" "Everything's fine, everything's fine," Ranma insisted. "I can tell you the whole story later, and boy is it a long story... at least now the truth is out." "Everything? All the stuff that was secret?" "Everything, yes. All questions answered. It sold a lot of newspapers, I can tell you that. You couldn't dream up an adventure like that. But still... there's one question I need answered." "What's that?" "Well... see, it's like this... Akane, I love you." "Hai, Ranma... I love you too... I was really kidding myself, trying to put off admitting it..." "Same here. So, really, I guess the only question left to ask is if we're going to get married." Akane paused, considering. "Well..." "I've got to know," Ranma insisted, holding her hand tighter. "It's the last piece of the puzzle." Akane thought about it, and with all confidence, answered, " End of Folder Ministry of Data record GH.3704.7734.15 Private use only - Stefan Gagne College Park, MD March 6, 1995