Ranma 1/2 : Ministry of Confusion Part 6 A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne (Most characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi, obviously. If I ever even considered claiming that these were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced to eat my own lungs to live.) -=- Ranma woke up for the umpteenth time, his body trying hard to filter out the chemicals it had been bombarded with. Eventually his bloodstream had cleansed itself to the point where he could regain consciousness. He opened his eyes slowly, half expecting to be in the bowels of some other Ministry this time. However, he was greeted with an unusual sight; his own room. Ranma got up from his floor cot, surprised. He turned his head this way and that, identifying all the little trademarks of his room; the lack of decorations, the tiny pile of books in the corner, the overhead lamp with a tendency to flicker in humid weather. He was home. What a horrible dream he had... He checked his clock. 8:15 PM. He must've taken a nap after getting home from the library... his book was here, fairly beat up, but still in the battered backpack he must have set next to the cot. He pulled it out of the nylon sack and perused a few color-copied pages. "Ranma!" Akane gasped, pausing as she walked by his door. "You're awake!!" "A.. Akane?" Ranma asked. "ARGH. Oh well, I guess it was too much to hope someone had pulled a Dallas on me... how long was I out?" "Two days," Akane said. Ranma facefaulted into the floor. "Something wrong, Ranma?" "Last thing I remember was Nabiki pulling out a bottle of Windex and blasting me," Ranma said, peeling himself from the floor. "Guess it wasn't Windex. What happened, Akane? How'd I get here?" "They let us go," Akane shrugged. "Not much else to it than that. I wheeled you home in a chair and we've been checking on you occasionally. I hate to think of all the horrible things they did to you..." "Actually, they didn't do anything," Ranma said, getting up and stretching from his Rip Van Winkle impersonation. "I woke up, Nabiki Tendo scanned me with something and they told me to leave. Something about an Experiment-R. I asked more about it and they gassed me AGAIN." "Since when does Nabiki do experiments?" Akane asked. "From what I recall back home, she only did finances... no interest in science." "You're not kidding, huh? How much do you remember about your life and/or your clone base's life?" Ranma asked. "Everything," Akane said. "That's what I've been doing the last two days waiting for you to recover, trying to remember it all. I even remember when we established the government after the old one collapsed... but not much beyond that." "How's dad doing?" "Your father is fine," Genma said, walking over to Ranma's door as well. "Although he was worried SICK about you, Ranma. Still, it's good to have you back, son." "By all rights, I SHOULDN'T be back," Ranma grumbled. "Neither should Akane. What did they want from us? Why'd they let us go?" "I don't think we'll ever know," Akane sighed. "Me, I'm glad it's over. I haven't heard a peep out of the Ministry of Peace about it either, which is GOOD." "Give me an update here, Akane. What's been happening in the world while I was out?" * "I still don't buy it," Nabiki complained, pacing around her posh office at the Ministry of Economics. "I don't buy it one bit. I mean, yes, we all signed declarations not to hold any more secrets, but pen and paper doesn't mean anything to Kodachi. She's still hiding something. Found anything yet?" The covert agent in her office shrugged. "I have a few leads, but not much," the agent said sadly. "I don't have any way to explore them, either, at least not any safe way." "What about our guards?" Nabiki asked. "They're not commandos, but they should be good enough for some side work." "We can't risk it. They would HAVE to be covert to follow the leads I've found. I've done as much tracing as I can through untraceable channels. To go farther means risk, and if we take that risk and lose, Kodachi'll know in an instant who's responsible. This Truth and Trust policy would put us in a very bad position if Kodachi made her discovery public." "Alright... then we need an operative who's separate, out of the loop," Nabiki said. "Someone who won't know what he's working for or why, but would be willing to do it and have the skills needed. People like that don't grow on trees, DT." "Begging your pardon, miss, but I think I may have one," DT said. "I hazard to bring it up, because it's probably a bad idea to use someone who so recently was in the spotlight... it's a half baked notion, but..." "Spit it out, who?" "Ranma?" DT shrugged. "Okay, okay, it's a wild idea. According to the reports he was ranting and foaming at the mouth, wondering what the Ministries were up to. We could give him the chance to uncover some information for himself and us. He's the only person I can think of that could do it properly." "He wouldn't cooperate," Nabiki said. "My little Experiment-R failure is very, very suspicious after the ordeal he's been put through." "I never said we'd give him a choice, ma'am." "Good point. Still, it would be very hard to coerce him." "We could catch his Akane..." DT suggested. "I could hold her downstairs for you while Ranma investigates the leads." Nabiki narrowed her eyes. "DT, you know I disapprove of kidnapping, especially an Akane. Have some respect for the children of my dear departed sister." "Sorry, sorry," DT apologized. "Sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Still, what else can we do? Ranma's in an ideal position for black ops. He'll be kept from knowing who he works for, he'll have the curiosity to go for it, and certainly he'll have the strength and speed to provide his own backup." Nabiki considered this, turning to her window to observe the Tokyo skyline. As usual, it was nearly as bright now as it was during the day, thanks to the holograms and neon and halogen lights. Fortunately Nabiki's office had one way mirrors for windows; she wouldn't want anybody finding out who DT was. "How many leads do you have about Kodachi's operations?" Nabiki asked, breaking the silence. "A few. Some more threatening than others, but at least two extremely dangerous ones. I can only speculate about that, of course, we won't know until we check them out." "Can't we just special order an extender?" Nabiki asked. "Or make one of our own. We have the equipment from Experiment- R, even if I claimed it was destroyed in the name of Truth and Trust." "We could, but the only way to truly ensure cooperation was with inhibitors, which would also decrease the clone's performance," DT said. "I know it's a long shot, but my advice is to use Ranma. You don't have many options here, Nabiki. Trust and Truth or none of the above, the Ministry of Economics is in danger." "But how would we convince him to do it?" Nabiki asked. "Curiosity isn't enough, DT. We'd need a toehold on him somehow. Could we offer to tell him about Experiment-R? I don't think it would hurt much." "I can offer that as an opener, but it may not be enough," DT said. "He'd very likely beat the tar out of me for not saying more. He's unstable at the moment, Nabiki. Three nights ago his life got very, very complicated for no reason and he'd do anything to figure out why, as long as that anything is on his own terms. Experiment-R might be enough, but if it isn't, we'll have blown our chance." "Does he have any weaknesses?" Nabiki asked. "Anything we can use? Phobias? Complexes? Traditions? You know him better than I do, DT. To me he's just an experiment gone wrong and a bunch of genetic data." "Hrm. I think he's afraid of cats." "Not enough." "Well, you KNOW he doesn't hit girls," DT said. "A girl would be perfectly safe around him, just like bulletproof armor." "A girl... you know... that's gives me an idea," Nabiki said, a slow grin spreading off her face. She turned to face her operative, who shuffled around uncomfortably under her gaze. "Call down to the basement and see if they still have the results of the failed Experiment-J." "I thought that goop never worked." "SOME of it did, DT. Just not any of the useful varieties. I think the kind we need might still be available, however. Go see to it. One last question; have we finally figured out where Akane went in the mayhem?" "You're going to have to be more specific, ma'am. There's been a LOT of mayhem recently." "The mayhem in the Ministry of Data warehouse. You know, we were shipping Akane down there for secret storage, and Kodachi's goons opened fire?" "Oh, yes, data. Umm. Nabiki, I hate to say it, but she's more than likely dead," DT said in a quiet voice. "From what I've been able to tell through the records and security tapes, the real Akane got mixed in with the other crates... some Akanes died who were on cold storage when the fight began... some got shipped... everything went nuts." "Could she have been shipped?" "I picked through the file mess with a fine tooth comb, ma'am. Every shipped Akane had a clone's trademark. None of them were humans. None of them were in a coma, and none of them were the real Akane Tendo that we brought down there." "How about the one that got shipped to Ranma?" Nabiki asked, pulling at straws. "Trademarked. She's a clone." "Damn," Nabiki cursed, biting her lip. "I was so close there, DT. If I could have gotten her out of that coma, I could prove that Kodachi planted the car bomb. It would have taken mere two hours with Ministry of Data equipment to revive her... I guess she's lost for good now. If daddy were around he'd be flooding the room by now." "If you want, I could send out some further inquiries--" "No," Nabiki denied. "The time for mourning is later. See to getting Ranma on our side, we'll investigate Kodachi's little hobbies. Akane would have wanted us to take the stupid megalomaniac down." * "Truth, huh," Ranma said flatly. "Truth and Trust, yeah. It's the big catch phrase, overshadowing 'Ministry of Confusion' in buzzword popularity," Akane said. "That's everything. Not a peep out of the Ministries otherwise. Things are back to normal again in Tokyo, Ranma. I, for one, am glad." "I don't buy it," Ranma said. "No way everything's nice and happy and out in the open. For one thing, what's Experiment-R? I can OBVIOUSLY tell what the R is, but what did they mean?" "Ranma, just let it slide," Akane suggested, in calm tones. "I don't want you tangling up with the MoP again. We were VERY lucky to get out of that intact, with a blank check for our future safety. No strings attached." "You know, this puts us right back at square one," Ranma said. "It's practically like we never left the house. I mean, the crate's even there, right in the middle of the room. HEY, POP! Don't you ever clean up around here?!" Genma was too far away to hear, even with Ranma's healthy lungs. He gave up the yell fest and turned back to the room he was in. "So what're you going to do now?" Ranma asked. "Huh? What do you mean?" "Well, obviously you don't want this engagement," Ranma reminded her. "Remember, the ORIGINAL reason for the mess? We don't own you, you know. You can do whatever you'd like to do with your life." "I... haven't decided yet," Akane said. "But until I do, I don't have anywhere I can stay. Do you mind putting up with a violent tomboy in your house for now?" "Only if you don't mind having to hang around a perverted idiot like me," Ranma said, without humor or spite. "We're still not getting married, of course." "Of course, Ranma. That much is obvious." Silence hung thick in the air as the players tried to figure out the next line of the script. "RANMA!" Genma yelled from across the house, lungs far superior to Ranma's. "You've got a visitor." "Huh?" Ranma called back. "Who?" "I hope the visitor isn't wearing combat armor," Akane joked. "That's not funny, Akane." "Well, excuuuuse me," Akane said, making a nasty face at him. "Oh, THAT'S pleasant looking," Ranma said. "Bleargh." "You want unpleasant, try a mirror," Akane retorted. "You never quit, do you? What a tomboy." "You're the one with no sense of humor, baka!" "Baka? Who's the--" "Ahem?" Ranma and Akane turned to the dojo door, where the visitor was standing. The girl at the door knocked lightly on the doorframe, since it was improper to enter a room before knocking. "Have I come at a bad time?" she asked. "Who're you?" Ranma asked. "What, you don't remember?" the girl asked. "I'm Yuriko? Remember? From Kirusawa Junior High? I was in your third period math class? We were dating for four weeks? You took me to the senior dance?" "Nani?" Akane asked. "Ranma, you have a GIRLFRIEND?" "No! Whoa, I can explain... actually, no, I can't explain," Ranma corrected himself. "Listen, miss... Yuriko? I'm afraid I don't remember any of that--" "It's okay, it WAS a long time ago. Ranma, something's come up. Can we talk?" "Oh, don't mind me," Akane said forcefully. "I'm just his tomboy fiancee. I'll go somewhere so you two can be together." "Akane--" Ranma was too late; she had already exited the dojo through the back door and slammed several doors shut behind her in progress towards the farthest point in the house from Ranma. Ranma gulped. "Okay, good, she's gone," Yuriko said, dropping the nervous voice. "Come on, you, we'll be safe talking in the garage across the street." "Who are you?" Ranma asked. "What's your beef, charging in here and pissing Akane off like that? I'll never hear the end of this now! I'm lucky she forgot about Shampoo in the mess." "I needed to cover your ass so we could discuss, and this seemed like a good idea at the time," Yuriko said. "Oh well if it wasn't to your liking. Come on, you, it's not safe to talk here." "Give me ONE good reason why I should," Ranma said, crossing his arms defiantly. "Experiment-R. Ring a bell?" Yuriko asked, poking Ranma in the forehead. He teetered backwards in surprise, but regained his balance. "You know what it was?" he asked, losing his defensive tone. "I know EVERYTHING about it," Yuriko said. "If you want to know everything too, follow me." Yuriko marched off for the front porch. Ranma jogged after her, not wanting to lose the girl. He waved to Genma on the way out the door, ignoring the alarmed look his father was giving him. * "We'll be fine in here," Yuriko said, setting up a small gas lantern in the center of the parking space. She already had a number of items here; a VCR, a television, a small hot plate and a kettle. Was she making tea or watching soaps or something? "I scanned this place for bugs before showing up. Your house was clean, but I didn't want to take any chances." Ranma nodded, examining Yuriko in the pale light. He hadn't gotten a good look at her yet, and the garage wasn't an ideal get-to-know-you spot. She seemed kind of thin, unhealthily so, with large eyes and stringy black hair. Very gothic looking, but Ranma was never afraid of vampires. "Experiment-R," Ranma said. "Spill it." "There is a price," Yuriko said. "What's the fee?" "I get to splash you with this," Yuriko said, pulling a small flask of water out of her coat. "What's that, acid?" "No, it's water," Yurkio said, uncorking it and taking a sip. "Just normal water. It was in my orders, okay? You can taste some if you want, just not too much." "I'll pass," Ranma said. "Now tell me why the Ministries wanted me." "Not all of them did," Yuriko started, corking the container again. "At first, just the Ministry of Economics. Ranma, brace yourself for this, okay?" "Braced." "You're not human. You're a research project into extender biogen." "Ha. No, really, what should I brace for?" "That," Yuriko said. "Ranma, I wouldn't drag you out here to lie to you. You're not human, man, you're a clone." "You're not serious!" "I am. You were an experiment. Nabiki wanted to see if it was possible to make a clone that didn't need extenders, but still have it fall in line and be a responsible member of society," Yuriko said. "She built a small lab in the basement of the MoE, and picked an ideal guinea pig; you. You WERE human, until she got you, cloned you and put your clone back in your place." "That's nuts. Why would she do that?" Ranma asked. "Clones are very, very expensive. Half the cost is the cloning process, and the other half is the delicate surgery needed to install inhibitors. Nabiki hoped she could stop using inhibitors if she could give humans reasons not to break the law." "I could have broken the law any time I wanted!" "But you didn't. Promise to your dad, remember? Nabiki put that in you. A small memory patch, not nearly as costly as a full tilt personality cover and behavior modification. Your dad was informed by the MoE that his son was dead, and they were sending a clone in his place. He was given orders to move and keep you from harm. It was either that or he'd get no son, period." "Was the MoE telling the truth?" "Of course," Yuriko nodded. "Your clone base was killed before you were activated. Lab accident." "You KILLED ME?!" Ranma screamed. "Whoa! Calm down, please, not me. I'm not MoE." "What are you, then? Tell me!" "Freelance," Yuriko said. "I'm just like you, Ranma. I want to know the truth behind all things. The truth is out there, if you look hard enough for it. Now do you want me to continue, or do you want to keep contradicting everything I say?" "Continue. THEN I'll contradict when you're done." "Good. Anyway, it hit the fan when your dad decided to fulfill a promise to your mom, despite you not really being his son. He bought you a fiancee. The MoE was monitoring your home -- relax, they've taken the cameras out by now -- to observe the experiment and see if it was working. You started arguing with her and they got worried that Genma had introduced an agitator into the experiment. You remember what happened next?" "A Ministry of Economics officer showed up to take Akane away," Ranma nodded. "Nabiki wanted her out of there before the experiment was ruined. You failed, Ranma. You punched the guy and ran. You broke the law, and broke your honor-bound promise we gave you. Nabiki sent out teams to bring you in, hoping she could get you out before the corruption was complete. The other three Ministries noticed and started combing the streets for you and Akane, curious as to why we wanted one or both of you. Once Kodachi finally got you, a quick scan showed that your patch wasn't strong enough. You'd never be 100% lawful again. The experiment was declared a failure and Nabiki decided to let you go, since you didn't know enough to prove a threat to her." Ranma paused, soaking this in. Yuriko lit up a cigarette, flicker briefly illuminating her tired face. "That's it?" Ranma asked. "Yeah, that's it. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of your lives and all." "You don't have any hard evidence other than that?" Ranma asked. "How can you expect me to believe--" "Here you go," Yuriko said, passing Ranma some papers and objects from her coat. "Official death certificate, Ranma Saotome, dated two days before your shipment. Some stolen reports from Experiment-R on your clone's growth. Pirated office memo from Nabiki to the basement... sorry for the blur at the top, copier's on the fritz. Finally, if you want it, video tape of your dad accepting your shipment and explaining to you how you had hit your head and were in a coma for several days, waking up just then." "I don't have a VCR," Ranma replied, ignoring the papers. "I do, right here. I also have housing permits for TWO Saotome dojos," Yurkio said, flashing them at Ranma. "One where you used to live, and the one you're in now that the MoE built. They felt that Nerima would be safer for you. Less past contacts from your life to get into the mix and upset the balance." "Any of this could have been doctored," Ranma said. "Ranma, that's the whole story," Yuriko said. "Whether you believe it or not, according to my investigations, that's the truth. Go on believing what you want. Now, you have to pay the price for this information." "Oh yeah, water," Ranma nodded. "Go ahead. Can't be any weirder than any of this other junk you've laid on me." Yuriko uncorked the vial and splashed Ranma with the water. "Now if you want the cure for that, you'll have to pay ANOTHER small fee," Yuriko said, tossing the empty vial away. It shattered on the garage floor. "Cure for what?" Ranma asked, surprised at the sound of her own voice. "Cure for the Jusenkyo mutating agent I just doused you with," Yuriko smiled. "Congratulations, it's a girl!" Ranma blinked, and looked down. "GYAAAAAH!" she yelled, seeing mammaries where there weren't any before. She tried to pull them off, unsuccessfully-- they were the real thing. A quick peek into her pants proved the rest. "Nice hair," Yuriko said, pointing to Ranma's new do. It was the same as before, actually; but a cheery fire engine red. "Hair color tends to be random when Jusenkyo mutation agent takes effect. One of the problems with the formula, you see." "What did you DO?!" Ranma asked, poking at herself a few times. "Nothing permanent, Ranma, relax. Here's what's going to happen. You want the truth, I want the truth. I need someone who's strong enough, clever enough and lucky enough to find it out for me. You're it. You will do what I say and go where I tell you in your new 'disguise'. In return, once you're done with the few jobs I have for you, I'll give you the reversing agent for your new mutation, and you'll know all there is to know about the black ops of the Ministry of Peace. Got it?" "Why, you little--" Ranma growled, charging at the girl. "You don't hit girls, remember?" Yuriko said, smiling. "Don't think I didn't research you, Ranma. I know you better than you know yourself." "If you weren't a girl, I'd rip your head off," Ranma said. "I'm sorry you feel that way. You've got the chance of a lifetime here, Ranma. You're going to singlehandedly uncover all there is to hide in this town. Together, we're going to take down the Ministry of Peace and put this city in working order." "What if I walk away now and ignore your stupid idea?" Ranma asked. "Go ahead. Have fun trying to get your father to recognize you," Yuriko said in a not entirely friendly way. "I thought you said you weren't going to give me the cure until I was done whatever it is you want!" "There are cures and there are cures," Yuriko said. "Here's the key, Ranma. Your curse is permanent until I get you the male mutagen. You can toggle between your male and female mutations with a good dousing of water; cold for female, hot for male. Simple, easy to understand. A powerful, POWERFUL tool when used for your own benefit. Also a very embarrassing, if not dangerous one. If you walk on me, you'll never have a shot at permanent reversal of the curse." "Why did you do this?" Ranma asked. "Why not just tell me what you wanted? I can run errands, or whatever. You didn't have to change my GENDER!" "We needed to be assured you'd cooperate," Yuriko said. "AHA! We. You said we. Who else is involved here?" "Uhherr?" Yuriko sounded, taken aback. "We? What we?" Ranma recognized an opening when she saw it and dove for it. "We. Yuriko, who else is involved? Who else wants to know the truth about the Ministry of Peace? Is someone else directing you?" "Okay, there's a we," Yuriko admitted. "But I can't tell you who that we is, even if I wanted to. It's just not going to happen, Saotome." "Ministry of Economics. It HAS to be. How else could you get all that proof? Who else would know so much about me? Did Nabiki put you up to this?" "You'll never know," Yuriko said. "If you get caught, my employer doesn't want you to have anything more than speculation. Ranma, if you physically obtain proof as to who I am, we're going to have to eliminate you. You'd be too dangerous. Got that?" "Got it," Ranma said, clenching her teeth. "Alright, what do you want me to do? Let's get this over with." "Nothing for now," Yuriko said, turning away from Ranma. She reached over for the kettle and walked up to Ranma, who backed off. "Hold still, Ranma. Hot water, remember? You want to go home like this?" Ranma held still. Yuriko slowly poured the water on her, and Ranma's body shivered from the heat. He felt himself in several key locations, and sure enough, was a he. "Temporary," Yuriko reminded him, setting the kettle down. "I'll contact you later for your first assignment. You'll recognize me if I show up as 'your good childhood friend Yuriko' or if I refer to you by your code name on the phone." "Code name?" "Ranko," Yuriko said. "Anybody who calls you Ranko is on our side." "Whoever said I was on your side?" "Ranma, I don't like this anymore than you do," Yuriko said. "I've got no choice here. You're our only hope, and as much as I hate seeing that blasted mutagen used, we need a way to keep you from running off on us. It won't be long, then you can go back to your life. When we're in public, you should refer to me as Yuriko, but my code name is Deep Thought. If anybody mentions me by name, trust them. Got all that?" "Got it, yeah," Ranma said. "You know, I think having run off with an old girlfriend would have been preferable to this. Akane'll never believe me." "That's good. For her safety, you shouldn't tell her," Yuriko said. "I don't want Akane getting hurt. Got it? Keep her out of this. Don't take her on missions, don't tell her where you're going, and for god's sakes quit picking on her! You're such a little toad, Saotome. No respect at all." "Is that all, or did you want to insult me some more?" Ranma asked. "Maybe turn me into a frog too?" "Get out of here," Yuriko said. "I'll contact you soon." End of File Ministry of Data record GH.3704.7734.6 Private use only