Ranma 1/2 : Ministry of Confusion
                              Part 7

           A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

     (Most characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi, obviously.  If
     I ever even considered claiming that these were my own
     characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
     I'd be forced to eat my own lungs to live.)

     (Author's Note : I've been tacking all sorts of neat things
     onto the MoC webpage, including character-based plot
     synopses.  Be sure to check it out, but beware spoilers. 
     Hopefully more audio/video junk will be added in soon.)

     URL : http://www.wam.umd.edu/~twoflowr/ministry.htm

     (Finally, KUDOS to Mike Finn for the excellent Ranma.c)

-=-

     Daily life continued uninterrupted for several days at the
Saotome Dojo.  The hours clicked by, the hazy light of day
swapping itself with the dim light of night just as it should.

     Genma, for one, was happy life was back to normal.  All was
right in the world; he had his son back, at least someone he
considered to be his son, his son finally had a fiancee and no
large men with guns were breaking his door down on a regular
basis.  Life was peaceful, life was good.

     CRASH!

     Well, good anyway.

     "BAKA!  Watch where you're going!"

     "What're you doing breaking cinder blocks in the dojo, you
tomboy?  I almost broke my leg on this junk!  Look at the
shrapnel!" Ranma yelled back.  Genma winced at the volume, trying
to block the sound of the two lovebirds arguing out of his head.

     "I'm training.  What does it LOOK like I'm doing?"

     "Don't you at least clean up after yourself?  It looks like
someone's been strip mining in here!"

     "You're one to talk.  Have you seen your room?  Paper
clippings scattered all over it.  What're you making, pinatas?"

     "At least what I'm doing is constructive."

     "Oh yeah?  What ARE you doing?"

     "I... not much," Ranma said.  "Look, please, Akane.  Just
make sure you clear up the rubble when you're done.  It's not
safe in here wading ankle deep in gravel."

     "You sound like one of Kasumi's commercials," Akane laughed.

     Genma relaxed.  He recognized the program, set in after days
of the two being kept in close quarters :

#include <stdio.h>                                                
#include <stdlib.h>
 
extern int   causeofinitialdisturbance(extender person);
extern int forcedinteraction(extender person1, extender person2);
extern int   calm   (extender person);
extern void  docalm (extender wife);
extern void  Argue  (void);
extern void  Insult (void);
extern int   freezeover (Location place);
 
int mealtime;
Location HELL;
 
static
void fianceefight (extender wife, extender husband)
{
        if (causeofinitialdisturbance(wife)) {
                while (!calm(husband)) {
                        Argue();
                        Insult();
                }
                docalm(wife);
        }
        if (causeofinitialdisturbance(husband)) {
                while (!calm(wife)) {
                        Argue();
                        Insult();
                }
                docalm(husband);
        }
}
 
int
main (int argc, char **argv)
{
        extender Akane;
        extender Ranma;
 
        while (!freezeover(HELL)) {
                fianceefight(Akane, Ranma);
                if (mealtime || forcedinteraction(Akane, Ranma))
                        sleep (rand()*MINUTES);
                else
                        sleep (rand()*HOURS);
        }
}

-- Error 201 : Genma doesn't know C.  (Core dumped)

     Yup yup yup, they were getting along just fine, Genma
thought, thinking along similar but less structured lines.  As
long as Akane doesn't beat Ranma to death during a particularly
unpleasant exchange, all will work out in the end.

                                   *

     Ranma rearranged the newspaper clippings, trying to find a
pattern.  Nothing was 'jumping off the page' at him, but that
didn't mean there wasn't a pattern somewhere below the surface.

     Part of the problem was that he only had the Tokyo Times to
butcher in order to locate his information.  The TT was Ministry
of Data controlled, and was rather tight with what they would and
would not say.  Most of the articles he clipped out and arranged
on the wall were useless; the few good ones he kept over by his
bed, unpegged so he could juggle them around.

     TWO UNKNOWN GROUPS ENGAGE IN SHOOTOUT AT MINISTRY OF DATA. 
Dated and timestamped a few hours before Akane showed up.  It
didn't say who was involved or why, but it did mention that the
resulting destruction didn't hamper Ministry of Data output in
the least (see also : all hell broke loose and the MoD scrambled
to fix the situation).  If Akane was real, this could be how she
ended up in a shipping crate... although what would she be doing
there in the first place?

     MINISTRY OFFICIALS SCOUR CITY FOR FUGITIVES FROM JUSTICE,
complete with some really horribly drawn pictures of Ranma and
Akane.  Why they'd bother including a picture of Akane was
strange; she looked like any other Akane on the street.  Again,
nothing is mentioned beyond the most obvious facts.

     DISASTER AVERTED!  TRUTH AND TRUST PREVAIL.  This was the
big one, the one he didn't buy at all.  According to it, the
government troops mentioned in the previous article were a result
of a big misunderstanding, and now that it has been cleared up a
new policy of anti-secrecy was established and the Ministries
would fight against each other no longer.

     Deep Thought said specifically that Kodachi had a few toys
in hiding, ones that Ranma would be ordered to look for very
soon.  He didn't like the ludicrous situation Deep Thought had
put him in, but he did admit one thing : it would be the best way
to fill the gaps in his mini-library.  He just wished he was
doing it on his own terms, without this silly secrecy and
mutation curse.

     Among the clippings he also had a copy of Akane's purchase
order (which didn't match her personality or even size one iota),
whatever he could find about the original Ryouga Hibiki, his
precious history text and a number of recipes he hadn't fobbed
off on Gosunkugi yet.  A small copy of the Laws of the
Joketsuzoku Tribe (japanese ed.) lurked in the corner, in case
that crazy chick Shampoo showed up at his front door and he
needed to find a way out of THAT situation.

     Still, none of this junk helped him figure out who Yuriko /
Deep Thought was or why they wanted to investigate Kodachi.  He
assumed Ministry of Economics at first, but didn't have much to
go on for that.  Nothing he could found would prove it.  Or
should he even BE trying to prove it?  Would Yuriko really kill
him in that case, or was that a bluff?

     Ranma had tried to push the door on his curiosity closed,
but this situation was far beyond curiosity.  It was a NEED for
answers.  He was constantly asking himself questions he couldn't
answer, knowing that he might never know the full picture of what
was going on in Tokyo.  Why did he bother?  Why was he trying to
discover all that was hidden, why was he trying to question the
unquestionable?

     Clearly, he was obsessed.  Obsessed with the finding out the
truth behind the government.  He could drop that like a hot
potato if he wanted to; accept everything they did as strange and
just move on with his life.  He could make daddy dearest happy by
marrying Akane and live out his days happy and peaceful and
ignorant.

     Yuriko had forced his hand, and made him an agent of truth. 
Before he just had an interest; now his gender depended on it. 
No, the time for letting it drop was over.  He was stuck on the
path towards... whatever it was going to be.  There would be no
turning back.

     Besides, it helped him get his mind off of his other
problem.  Ranma had been good at dodging cold water over the last
few days, but he didn't know how long that would last--

     "RANMA!" Akane called from the dojo.  "Your Yuriko-chan is
here again!"

     Ranma looked up from his news reports.  If Yuriko saw this
newspaper scrap pile... he quickly dashed out of his room and
slid the door shut behind him, just as Yuriko entered the hall,
followed by an annoyed Akane.

     "Something wrong?" Yuriko asked, cocking her head
quizzically.

     "No," Ranma said, blocking his door.  "I've been working
out.  Hi, ...Yuriko."

     "So, where're you two lovebirds off to now?" Akane asked,
folding her arms.

     "We're NOT lovebirds, Akane," Ranma said.

     "Ranma promised to take me out on a date!" Yuriko beamed,
sliding over to Ranma's side and glomping onto him.  Ranma's eyes
snapped open in surprise.  "Dinner and a movie!"

     "Thought so," Akane said, in a flat tone.  "Whatever. 
Ranma, you go have fun with your little friend.  I'll just be
strip mining in the dojo."

     "But--" Ranma started, but as usual, Akane had no intentions
of sticking around to hear him explain.  Yuriko waited until
Akane was out of earshot, and unglomped.

     "You've got a small mission," Yuriko said.  "Minor lead,
something easy to start out with.  It could be enough to prove
Kodachi's working under the table, though."

     "Do you mind not hanging all over me in my own house?" Ranma
asked.  "I've had enough trouble dealing with that uncute maniac,
I don't need any MORE cause for argument."

     "Sahib wants a cover story, sahib gets one.  Quit
complaining.  Would you rather we tell her we're plotting against
the Ministry of Peace?"

     "Actually, yes," Ranma said.  "I don't think she'd mind. 
Maybe you could even get some real female help so I can be
cured."

     "That's not part of the plan, Saotome.  Trust no one.  Come
on, off to the garage, you need a briefing."

                              *

     "We'll have to pick a new meeting place next time, but for
now, this'll do," Yuriko said, gesturing to the familiar parking
space.  "Alright.  To business."

     "It's not just a job, it's an adventure," Ranma joked.

     "Over the next few days I'll have you investigating a number
of leads," Yuriko said.  "We think that some of Kodachi's failed
projects have come out in public in the form of human byproducts. 
Here's one of them," Yuriko said, passing Ranma a color copy of a
Ministry of Data file.

     Ranma opened it up, paging through the endless series of
words and letters, looking for a picture.

     "Hinako Ninomiya.  Typically referred to as Miss Hinako,
teacher and disciplinarian at Furinkan High.  That was your old
school, before you got transplanted."

     "Cute little girl," Ranma said, tapping the photo.  Miss
Hinako couldn't be more than twelve; her eyes were nice and
large, like a little girl who had just spotted a lollipop for
sale.  Either that or someone had taken a photo of a really
lifelike UFO Catcher doll.  "So what is she, some Ministry of
Peace superweapon of death?"

     "Exactly," Yuriko nodded.

     "I was kidding, Yuriko."

     "It's Deep Thought, Saotome.  Yuriko is my cover, not my
real name," Yuriko said.

     "You want me to do what you want, I get to call you whatever
I want," Ranma said.  "Yuriko's easier to remember.  Plus, I
somehow doubt your real name is Deep Thought either.  Unless
you'd care to tell me what your name really is?"

     "Yeah, right," Yuriko snorted, very unladylike.  "Here's the
deal.  Miss Hinako used to work at the Ministry of Peace as a
combat theory instructor.  When she hit age twenty four, however,
she changed."

     "She's twenty four?" Ranma asked, doublechecking the image.

     "That's right.  She's legally an adult, but looks like she's
twelve.  We think the Ministry of Peace found a way to reverse
the aging process, and used her as a test subject.  For one
reason or another, she was released into Tokyo after
modifications."

     "Why would they do that?" Ranma asked.

     "No idea," Yuriko said, shaking her head.  "Here's the deal. 
You'll pose as a transfer student to Furinkan, under your Ranko
disguise.  Instead of going to school normally, go there.   
You'll be enrolled most of the day in Hinako-sensei's classes;
find out why the MoP let her go, and what they did to her."

     "I thought you already knew that they de-aged her."

     "This photo was taken shortly after the one you have,"
Yuriko said, passing Ranma another cheap copy.  Ranma examined
it, and saw more... woman than there was in the previous picture.

     "Somehow, she's toggling between the two states," Yuriko
said.  "All I can confirm is that it's not related to the
Jusenkyo mutagen we used on you.  Now, Ministry of Peace had her
classified as a bio-weapon before she left.  As far as we know,
there's nothing threatening about her, at least nothing obviously
strange other than this age switch.  You have two acceptable
outcomes for this mission.  Befriend her and get her to me for a
quick medical examination, or disable whatever weapon she has and
call me for an extraction."

     "How is any of this going to help you?" Ranma asked.

     "Simple.  If we can get her, we can probably get genetic
evidence of unapproved MoP work.  It'll be scandal city when it
hits the airwaves, since according to Truth and Trust, Kodachi
has already disclosed all of her plans.  We need direct
examination for this to work, of course."

     "Alright.  So, from the top," Ranma summarized.  "I go to
this school.  I try to befriend her and figure out how she left
MoP.  If I can get her to cooperate, have her contact you,
otherwise disable the switch and have you take her physically. 
Either way, you get your data and I get to become a full man
again.  Right?"

     "Only if you're successful," Yuriko warned.  "Use tact,
Ranma.  Hint -- it's not what you dish out to Akane on a daily
basis.  Try to get Miss Hinako on our side without actually
saying what our side is."

     "Gee, is that all," Ranma scowled.

     "Failing that, render her 'bio-weapon' null and we'll have
to do this by brute force.  If we try now without any attempt to
disable her and we get caught it would be Bad.  So once we get
this evidence, you're off the hook."

     "What if she doesn't like me AND I can't disable it?  I'm no
expert in genetics, you know.  Bio-weapons don't have big red off
switches."

     "Then we follow another lead," Yuriko said, snatching the
photos back and stuffing them into her coat.  "This is a minor
one, like I mentioned.  It's not a life or death deal, we're
simply testing you out, as well as the MoP's reaction to you. 
Hopefully we can stop here and not need to follow the riskier
leads.  Here's a map to Nerima; use it to find Furinkan High and
go there tomorrow.  You ready?"

     "I'm ready," Ranma said, snatching up the map.

     "And DON'T forget your cold water," Yuriko warned.  "We
don't want Ranma suddenly showing HIS face in Furinkan.  Someone
might recognize you."

     "I've never been there."

     "Yes you have," Yuriko said.  "You just don't remember
because the Ministry of Economics didn't want you to when they
cloned you off.  It's a dead man's homecoming day for you,
Saotome.  Try not to get all nostalgic about it, okay?"

                                   *

     Akane and Ranma ate breakfast silently.

     Akane was very surprised about this.  After all, Ranma had
managed to start the morning argument without fail every day; why
wasn't there a peep out of him this morning?  Was something
wrong?

     "You know, you could have been quieter in the bathroom this
morning," Akane said, testing the waters.  "The plumbing in this
house is loud enough as is, without you taking a bunch of hot
baths.  What were you DOING in there, sterilizing yourself?"

     "Nothing," Ranma said, and kept munching away at his toast.

     Akane tried another strategy.  "No, really, what were you
doing?  I'm interested."

     "Just washing up," Ranma said, setting his half eaten toast
down.  "I'd better get going to school."

     "Relax, Ranma, we've got another ten minutes before we have
to leave."

     Ranma ignored her, grabbing his overloaded backpack and
making his way towards the front door.  Akane grunted after him,
not liking being ignored.  She finished up her current bite,
grabbed her books and ran after him.

     "Yo!  Earth to Ranma," Akane said.  "What's wrong?"

     "Ah, nothing," Ranma said, shrugging under the weight of his
pack.  "Look, Akane, you go ahead.  I've got some things to do
today, I'll meet up with you later."

     "What, we're not going to walk to school together today?"
Akane asked.

     "I wouldn't want to be seen with a tomboy like you, anyway,"
Ranma said, without his usual enthusiasm for such an insult.  He
turned a sharp left and headed off, in some unknown direction.

     Akane fumed.  What was WITH him?  He wasn't being mean, but
he was being... mean.  Yelling at her was one thing, but simply
walking away without so much as a raised voice was another. 
Humph.  The baka.  Well, if he didn't want her around, that was
just FINE!

     Akane kicked a nearby rock into the stratosphere and marched
her way to school, alone for the first time on her morning walk.

     Once Akane was out of sight, Ranma unzipped his backpack,
pulling one of the massive thermoses out.  He doublechecked the
poorly-scrawled word COLD on the cap and doused himself with it.

     The feeling was there, but hard to detect.  One would think
that total sex change and a slight shrinkage in height would hurt
to high heaven, but Ranma wouldn't even have noticed it if she
wasn't waiting for the shift.  It wasn't very comforting to know
that such a radical change didn't mean much to her senses.  The
sooner she could get that cure, the better, in her opinion... she
capped the thermos and pulled out a towel to dry off with, then
set off for Furinkan.

                              *

     All schools in Tokyo look exactly alike.

     This is a well known phenomenon, but Ranma had just figured
it out as she approached the wrought iron gates of Furinkan High. 
Yuriko / Deep Thought said Ranma used to go here, before this
nonsense about being a clone; Ranma did find the school familiar,
but only because it matched every other school she had ever seen.

     It was rectangular in shape, with a central section that was
raised out, away and above the normal building chunk.  A nice
clock was embedded in the top of the overhanging school-bit,
currently telling the incorrect time.  The students wore
uniforms, which was normal, the same uniforms every student in
Tokyo wore.  Ranma never bothered with uniforms; anybody who had
a problem with this could try to take her... his... Ranma's
casual outfit from hir and fail painfully.

     Ranma shrugged.  If this was supposed to be evoking
memories, it wasn't working.  It evoked a sense of boredom, which
school always did; they never taught any INTERESTING stuff.

     She walked right through the gate with little difficulty. 
Class had already started, and Ranma was late; this couldn't be
helped, though.  Nerima was quite a hike from the dojo, and if
she left early enough to make it on time, Akane would be
suspicious.  The hall monitor didn't give her any grief, however;
quite to the contrary.

     "Greetings, Ranko," the monitor said, nodding to Ranma.  "DT
says you left this behind back at the house."

     The monitor palmed a small slip of paper to Ranma.  She
unfolded it, and a student ID tumbled out.  The wrapping was her
schedule.

     "You're late, you know," the monitor said joylessly.

     "I had to cover my tracks," Ranma replied, pocketing the ID.

     "Miss Hinako may not approve.  You know the plan.  Kiss up
or we could be in trouble."

     "Yeah, whatever," Ranma dismissed, memorizing the schedule
and marching off to her first class.

                              *

     Miss Hinako was very surprised to see Ranma walking in ten
minutes late.  She paused in her lesson to look unhappy at the
tardy student.

     She looked exactly like the photo; deadly kawaii, short and
adorable, in a simple yellow dress that reached to her knees
which could quite possibly BE a plastic tube.  She had to reach
up above her head to write on the board.  How did this l'il girl
end up getting a tenure, anyway?

     The class looked far worse, however.  Two thirds of them at
least were stick thin, looking malnourished; skin hung in bags
under their eyes, and the eyes themselves had a pleading,
desperate look about them.  It was kind of like walking into
Classroom of the Living Dead.  Was some kind of flu bug going
around this school?

     "You're the new transfer student, right?" Miss Hinako asked,
sneaking a quick peek at her attendance sheets.  "Ranko Ayukawa?"

     "That's me," Ranma nodded.

     "You're late," Miss Hinako said, pointing an accusatory bit
of chalk at the girl.  Ranma half expected to find out why Hinako
Ninomiya was a bio-weapon first hand with some kind of chalk-
death-ray, but the superdeformed teacher lowered the chalk just
as quickly as it had been raised.  "It's not a good idea for
kiddies to be late to their first day of school!  First
impressions are VERY important, and you don't want to look like a
delinquent, do you?"

     Most of the kids in the classroom shuffled around
uncomfortably in the one-piece plastic desks as the teacher
chewed Ranma out.  Ranma didn't particularly mind, however.

     "Bucket?  Hall?" Ranma suggested.

     "No, I'll allow you one strike," Miss Hinako said.  "Take
your seat, miss.  History is WAY WAY WAY too important to have
you lose out because of tardiness.  At least not first time
tardiness."

     Ranma nodded, and took the nearest empty seat.  Let's see,
would this be revisionist history or the real thing?

     "Who can tell me who the first three models of extenders
were?" Miss Hinako asked.

     Revisionist.  Ranma slumped in her chair and waited it out.

     "Uhh... Nabiki, Kasumi and Akane Tendo," a female voice near
the back recited.

     "Very good!  As you know, due to the population loss after
the earthquake, the extender project was founded to find ways to
supplement the work force until it could naturally replenish
itself.  Our leaders allowed themselves to be the first clone
bases as an act of faith in the project.  The plan worked very
well, up to the point where extenders were graciously accepted
into society as full humans, with all the rights and liberties
guaranteed to the master race.  There was one potential problem
with the three models, however.  Gichi-kun!  Do you know what it
was?"

     "Me?" a nearby student choked.  "Uhh... six?"

     Miss Hinako frowned cutely.  "Gichi-kun, honestly!  Were you
failing to pay attention in class again?"

     "No!  Honest!  I was wide awake and alert!" Gichi protested,
breaking out into a visible sweat.

     "What's that you and Wakai-kun are passing back and forth? 
Notes?" Miss Hinako asked, sliding over to Gichi's seat and
snapping the paper triangle from his hands in one swift motion. 
"Hmm.  'Gang fight at four.'  Thank you for the information,
Gichi-kun.  See me after class, 'kay?" Miss Hinako demanded
politely.  Gichi stared at the teacher, unbelieving, and Miss
Hinako continued the lesson.

     "The problem was this," the teacher continued.  "Since the
first three clone bases were the leaders of government, how could
we be guaranteed that a clone wouldn't be accidentally slipped
into the office?" Miss Hinako asked.  "This was solved easily,
via the concept of trademarks.  Trademarks, as you know, are
small genetic prints on all extenders marking them as clones, and
not the original.  They are stamped on the extender after
production and last for the extender's life.  If there was a
question as to the real identity of, say, Chairwoman Nabiki, a
simple check for trademarks would cure it."

     "Couldn't they just make an extender without a trademark?"
Ranma asked, curious.

     "Ministry of Data Biogen equipment is incapable of that,"
Miss Hinako said.  "Most of the growth process is robot
controlled.  Any fully grown extenders that are accidentally not
trademarked by the robots are corrected before shipment.  The
system is perfectly fail safe."

     "Uh-huh," Ranma agreed, not convinced.

     "I see that you understand!" Miss Hinako beamed.  "Good
girl!"

     Good BOY, Ranma thought.

                                   *

     Ranma busily scratched out doodles on her notebook, waiting
for the class to be over with.  This wasn't really history, it
was more of an advertising pitch; curriculum laid out to say
nothing negative about the Ministries.  Certainly there were
negative things to say about them.  Ranma was living proof of
that, according to Yuriko.

     Of course, Ranma didn't really believe she was an extender. 
It was ridiculous; kidnapped, cloned, killed off and reinserted
in some other town?  It sounded like a bad soap opera.  Ranma
didn't have any proof of her own humanity, which she knew was the
only way to be sure, but... somehow, it just seemed WRONG. 
There's no physically way it could be right, right?

     One fact of the story that bugged her was how Genma had
known about her 'true' status and didn't say anything.  Ranma
knew her father to be something a coward when faced with REAL
danger, but this was a little too important to shut up again, ne? 
Genma had apparently accepted this 'extender' as his son.  No
father would do that to a clone, right?  She had to be human. 
She just HAD to be.

     Whatever, WHATEVER.  Concentrate, Ranma-san.  She had a
mission to do here; suck up to the teech and get her in contact
with Yuriko.  (Lord knows Yuriko couldn't just ring the yellow
suited moppet up herself and ASK...)

     "Ranko Ayukawa!" a voice scraped across Ranma's spine.  She
jittered her pen to a halt and looked up.

     "Er, hai, sensei?" Ranma said.

     "The answer?" Miss Hinako asked, tapping her tiny foot.

     "Six?" Ranma guessed lamely.

     "Very good!" Miss Hinako grinned.  "In fact, there WERE
originally six ministries proposed; Data, Peace, Economics,
Sanitation, Communications and Law.  The last two were dropped,
distributing the communications to Data and the law enforcement
to Peace.  Sanitation recently obtained the right to carry out
the law, which is good, because the Ministry of Peace is busy
enough on the Russian war front."

     "They're not technically Russians," Ranma piped in with.

     "You didn't raise your hand, Ranko-chan."

     "Gomen," Ranma apologized, and turned back to her doodles.

     "What's that you're writing?" Miss Hinako asked, a tone of
happy suspicion creeping into her voice.

     "Huh?" Ranma asked, covering the cartoons.  "Oh, nothing."

     Miss Hinako bounced over like a rubber ball to Ranma's desk,
and peeked under her arm.  "Doodles?  This is not art class,
Ranko-chan!  Naughty naughty.  See me after class."

     "Okay," Ranma shrugged.

     All thirty students inhaled sharply.  Ranma turned to look
at them, as if to say 'What?', and thirty heads quickly looked
away.

     The school bell rang, an identical ring to school bells all
over Tokyo.  The students got up and quickly filed out of the
classroom, eager to leave.

     "Gichi, Ranko, I need to talk with you two," Miss Hinako
said, interrupting the two on their way out the door.  "Gichi,
you first."

     "Miss Hinako, please, have pity!" Gichi begged.  "I'm not a
delinquent!  I haven't done anything wrong!  Talk to Ranko first,
SHE was doodling in class!  She's a delinquent!  Talk to RANKO!"

     "Honestly, Gichi, pull yourself together!" Miss Hinako
asked.  "I just need to discuss a matter that alarms me, not
execute you.  Honestly!  You need to learn to control your
emotions."

     "Y... you mean it?" Gichi asked.  "No... FWOOSH ZAP Argh?"

     "Ranko, please, wait in the hall," Miss Hinako asked.  Ranma
nodded, and stepped outside, leaving the door open a crack so she
could hear what was going on inside.

     The hallway was empty now; the students that had fled
earlier were already in class.  Those one minute class breaks
were quite a strain on the feet, but did enhance classroom
efficiency with more minutes to work.  Ranma leaned against a
wall and waited, trying to make out what the two kids inside were
saying.

     Gichi was very begging and pathetic in tone, but Ranma
couldn't understand a word the guy was blubbering.  Miss Hinako
was sharper, more direct than she was in class; something about a
tendency to fall asleep in class... delinquency...

     "Called after class, huh?" a voice said, next to his elbow.

     "Huh?" Ranma asked, turning around, face to face with one of
the students from the class.  "Oh, yeah.  I was doodling."

     "You've gotten one strike already, right?" the girl asked,
hiking her backpack up a little tighter in her arms.  "I saw you
walk into class late."

     "Yup."

     "That's bad.  Take my advice; see Doctor Larry Tofu at the
school health room once you're done," the girl suggested.  "He
has treatments that'll bring you back to normal in no time.  He's
had to specialize in cleaning up after Hinako-sensei... Miss
Hinako means well, really, she's just a little... dangerous."

     "What, she's going to beat me up?" Ranma asked, not out of
fear.

     "What?  Heavens, no!  She doesn't hit people.  It's the
other thing that's worse.  You know, fwoosh, zap, argh?  All the
teachers are scared of her, but you know how eccentric the
principal is, and his little fancies about the staff..."

     "Not really, actually," Ranma said.  "I just transferred in
today, remember?  Ranko Ayukawa."

     "Pleased to meet you," the girl smiled, bowing slightly.  "I
hope you do okay.  I've got to get to class, I'm late already."

     "You made yourself late to talk to me?  Why?"

     "I'd hate to let a new girl bump into Miss Hinako
uninformed," the girl said.  "'sides, you seem to be a nice
enough girl.  Kind of like someone I knew.  For now, I gotta
run -- remember, go see Tofu!"

     "Whoa!  Who are you?"

     "Can't talk!  Bye!" the girl said, waving.  She jogged
briskly down the hall, leaving a confused Ranma behind.  Who was
that?  And what on earth was that huge metal slab she had
strapped to her back, some kind of spine supporter?

     The door slammed shut, an inrush of air pulling the wooden
monolith against the frame.  Ranma jumped back as the smoked
glass window flooded with a horrible yellow light, casting her
own pigtailed shadow against the far wall.  Eventually the light
faded.

     A horrible zombie/skeleton barged out of the door,
collapsing at Ranma's feet.  Ranma jumped onto the nearby water
fountain in shock, as the thing struggled to get up to its feet;
clearly it was having trouble, as if all the strength and
vitality had been tapped from the horribly wretched creature...

     "Your turn," the zombie Gichi sputtered, wobbling around on
its feet.  The thing lurched carefully down the hallway,
stumbling into a locker every few feet.

     Ranma stared, wild eyed.  So THAT'S why the class looked so
unhealthy.  What was Miss Hinako doing to them?  Was this why she
was filed as a bio-weapon?

     "Ranko Ayukawa?" Miss Hinako asked, in surprisingly deep
tones.

     Ranma looked up.  And up.

     Now, the teacher resembled the second picture Yuriko had
shown her; a tall, slender, curvaceous figure of a woman in her
mid twenties.  Ranma almost didn't recognize her, but it was
impossible to miss the yellow tube dress (which now was
considerably more, well, stretched.)

     "Hi... Hinako-sensei?" Ranma asked, not sure.

     "Inside, please," Miss Hinako stated in a voice so husky it
could have pulled a sled over the icy tundra.  Ranma nodded
quickly, and cautiously stepped into the classroom after the
teacher.

                         End of File
                         Ministry of Data record GH.3704.7734.7
                         Private use only