DANGEROUS TOYS - The Fun and Safe Adventures of the Power Sabres A Fansub Parody by Stefan Gagne v 2.03 A Spoof Chase Production (http://spoof.maison-otaku.net) WARNING. Do not produce actual fansub/fandubs based on this script without the e-mail consent of twoflowr@glue.umd.edu, founder of Spoof Chase Productions. Not that we wouldn't LOVE to see it done, just that we'd like to know who's doing it and maybe wrangle copies. :) Blue Thunder Productions rendered a fansubbed version of this script. The material has changed from the original release. (To the tune of Bubblegum Crisis 8 : Scoop Chase) (Before the film starts, the following text scrolls from bottom to top, ala Blade Runner) WARNING This parody contains gratuitous use of the word "Dickweed." Viewer discretion is advised. 2030. After the great Care Bear massacre of the 2020s that destroyed Tokyo, GENOM TOYS climbed to the top of the toy market. Its Mandroids(tm), however, were not entirely safe... the Consumer Safety Division (or 'AD Police') was set up to handle these problems. Sadly, they suck at this job. The only way to combat this threat... the POWER SABRES(tm)! SYLIA I could do that. PRISS Bite me! PRISS Feh. How boring. ALIELLE Owwie! ALIELLE My Camera(tm)... ALIELLE I paid ten bucks for that! ALIELLE You owe me $9.95, you dickweed! Title Dangerous Toys Title The Safe and Fun Adventures of the Power Sabres Written by Stefan Gagne Timed by Andre Germain Script version 2.03 Produced March 12, 1998 SONG God money, I'll do anything for you! SONG God money, just tell me what you want me to. SONG God money, nail me up against the wall! SONG God money don't want everything he wants it all SONG "Head like a hole!", black as your soul SONG I'd rather die than give you control! SONG Bow down before the one you serve... SONG ...you're going to get what you deserve. A Spoof Chase Production Subtitled by Blue Thunder Productions NENE Nene Inverse, reporting as requested! Is something up, sir? CHIEF 'bout time you showed. CHIEF How nice of you to take a moment of time out of your schedule. CHIEF Ahem. This is Alielle, my niece. Say hi. CHIEF She works for 'Hard~Copy~Jr.' on Nickelodeon(tm). CHIEF Show her around so she can get mixed up in the plot. CHIEF Do it or you're fired. NENE FIRED?? But my dental plan... ALIELLE Don't worry! I like you. Lots. NENE Eeek... NENE That she did. She hung around me ALL the time. NENE Everybody in the still frame montage liked her. NENE It's nice having someone my size around. NENE But she is NOT cuter than me... NENE ...I have more, uh, style, you know? NENE Isn't it great to have a car our size? ALIELLE Yeah! Let's make out in the back seat!! ALIELLE Sorry, sorry. We could get a hotel room instead... ALIELLE ...I mean, you are a little older, and not as cute... ALIELLE ...but you're my style. ALIELLE I just LOVE red hair, love it love it!! ALIELLE Hey, what's beeping? NENE A motorcycle... and a recalled GENOM TOYS model, too! NENE Um, hold that thought. We'll discuss this later. ALIELLE Oooh! SUBTITLE WHILE SHE SETS UP THE GEAR SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Kiddie Police Kit(tm), $19.95 NENE Whoa, whoa! Stop right there, you! NENE Do you realize that's a recalled motorcycle model? You can't be driving it. NENE It's unsafe. PRISS Oh, Miss Consumer Safety Divisioner, you're not thinking of recalling my bike, are you? NENE Uh... of course I am! Can't have the public using unsafe toys! NENE You'll poke your eye out or something! PRISS You... you've gotta be kidding! NENE Nyah Nyah! NENE Priscilla Presley... notice to recall bike at next visit to GENOM Toys R Us(tm). NENE There you go. PRISS I'll get you for this, and your little car too! NENE Play safely! ALIELLE Wow. She's so cute when she does that. SUBTITLE OVER THE SHOT OF THE ROBOT LAB/ASSEMBLY LINE SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Chibi-Factory Playset(tm), $39.95 TECHIE SIRE! MIRIAM Is the new Mandroid(tm) model ready? TECHIE About 'two weeks', sir. BOSS Ah, Miriam! With your designs, the MegaMandroid X(tm) will be ready by Xmas! BOSS GENOM TOYS owes you much for your fine work. MIRIAM Eh, big deal. I could assemble a new Mandroid(tm) in my sleep and blindfolded. BOSS Yes, yes. YOU da man. MIRIAM Whatever. MIRIAM 'scuze. MIRIAM Feh, dickweed. Mandroids(tm) like that are a waste of my skill. MIRIAM I want to make something that's actually VERY DANGEROUS! MIRIAM Toys the way *I* like 'em, and damn the Consumer Safety Division! TECHIE Sir, are you about to steal those to make horrible weapons or something? MIRIAM Yes. But don't tell anybody. QUICK SUBTITLE OVER AD POLICE BUILDING SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Consumer Safety Division HQ(tm), $49.95 NENE 'eryar. ALIELLE Arigato. NENE So, ah, gotten over your crush yet? ALIELLE No, I want you with a burning passion. ALIELLE I'm going to win you over no matter what it takes. NENE Wow! What determination. What does this have to do with the plot? ALIELLE They are totally unrelated. ALIELLE However, I *AM* going to shoot the Power Sabres with my-- NENE Camera(tm)? ALIELLE Don't interrupt. Yes, once I get a new Camera(tm). ALIELLE The Power Sabres stepped on my last one. NENE Oh, yeah... SUBTITLE OVER WATCH BEEPING SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Beeping Watch(tm), $59.95 NENE Uh oh! I almost forgot. NENE I have to go do something other than meet up with the Power Sabres. NENE Byebye! NENE Gomen ne. SUBTITLE OVER SCOOTER TAKING OFF / NENE'S HELMET SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS PowerSkoot(tm) and Helmut(tm), $69.95 ALIELLE I miss Nene-onee-sama... it's almost like she's trying to hide from me. ALIELLE An alarm(tm)? COP Mandroid(tm) running wild in Tomobiki! COP It's wrecking the top of the new GENOM TOYS Construction Yard Playset(tm). COP Send in the Smart Patrol! CHIEF Where's Leon? DALEY? He's out getting his weekly manicure. CHIEF Feh. Dickweed. Get Daley out there. DALEY? Right. DALEY Yes, put fifty bucks on ``We Screw Up Again''... ALIELLE Hi, uncle! I want ten on We Succeed! CHIEF A girl your age shouldn't be gambling! ALIELLE I was just gonna spend it on Ani-Mayhem(tm) cards anyway. DALEY Oi, Alielle. You're throwing your money away. We never win. ALIELLE Naah! I'm feeling lucky tonight, let's see what happens. ALIELLE RAH! DALEY Sit right here, Alielle. DALEY Don't do anything dumb like climb the building there. ALIELLE Hai! COPS Beat it, kid. This ain't no carny sideshow. ALIELLE Hmmm... ALIELLE Safety Division! SUBTITLE IN ELEVATOR SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Elevator Action(tm), $79.95 ALIELLE I think I'll endanger myself pointlessly! ALIELLE Now, THIS is journalism in action! SUBTITLE QUICK ON CAMERA SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS 'Geraldo' Camera(tm), $89.95 ALIELLE Oooh! NENE Go Go Power Sabres! PRISS Shaddup! PRISS Sylia! NENE Uh... uhoh. SYLIA Nene! PRISS? We outta here! ALIELLE Whee! SUBTITLE ON PHOTO VIEWER SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Blade Runner Photo Enhancer(tm), $99.95 Someone It's a Kodak moment. ALIELLE N... Nene... ALIELLE Oooh, me get evil fun thought! Someone What'd I miss? SYLIA Just a long action sequence with no funny jokes. GUY Well, it's hard to write non-dialogue based gags. GUY And timing the subtitles for that stuff is a real bitch. GUY But hey, you can use my JACOsub anytime... GUY !!! SYLIA Bite me. Get on with the plot. GUY Yes, mistress. GUY Those toys don't seem to be any normal GENOM TOYS model. GUY It looks like the work of a single person... GUY ...who couldn't possibly in a million jillion years be Miriam. Right? SYLIA My, you're dense. GUY Right. GUY Anyway, that's the result of my extensive, brilliant detective work. SYLIA Stop calling me. GUY Waah. NABIKI Hello! NENE Nabiki! NABIKI Hmm, late again. You know they dock your pay if you do that, right? NABIKI And if you don't invest now, you'll be missing your chance... NENE I've got some money in Microsoft(tm) stock! NABIKI A risky investment... NABIKI Hey, what's this? NENE Uh, just a minor injury. 4 HP. NABIKI A girl's face is her fortune. It's disastrous to injure it. NABIKI Hey, why'd you dump your first shift? I had to fill in for you. NENE No, I hacked in and changed the roster... didn't I tell you? NABIKI Nope. NENE Want me to hack you some paid leave? NABIKI Sure, how about a raise and company car too? NENE Doable. I want a copy of King's Quest(tm) IIVXI for it. NABIKI IIVXII? ALIELLE Hmm. NENE Yeah... ALIELLE December 18th... she was 'fist shift' today. ALIELLE Hey! ALIELLE Why, that little...! NABIKI Huh? Nene's likes and dislikes? ALIELLE Un! NABIKI Well, she likes white chocolate, but hates Duran Duran. NABIKI And she's single. Maybe I should fix her up with someone... ALIELLE Uh, right. LEON Eh? What Nene does in her spare time? LEON Well, she makes model airplanes, does needlepoint... LEON ...and sometimes vanishes for no reason at all while on duty. Odd, that. LEON We have a betting pool that maybe she's some superhero. ALIELLE So, I heard you had yourself a little accident... ALIELLE Cut yourself shaving? NENE Uh, no, no, I, uh, no, uh, I, uh, no, uh... NENE But why do you say that? Am I getting a five o-clock shadow? ALIELLE Uh, no... you're as cute as ever, buuut... NENE But? PA SYSTEM Nene to the Product Testing Department to avoid sensitive questioning. ALIELLE You have to go? NENE Yes, it's my only chance! NENE Oh, tomorrow's my day off, so hit on Nabiki for a change, okay? ALIELLE Awww, onee-sama! NENE No way around it! Bye now. ALIELLE Onward! SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Blazing Bike(tm), $109.95 ALIELLE Eh? ALIELLE This is tiring! ALIELLE I should've sprung for a GENOM TOYS PowerSkoot(tm) and Helmut(tm)! NENE Ohayo! MACKY The others are in the back playing Foosball. SYLIA Today we test The Amazing Blobby(tm). SYLIA If the testing goes well, we can have it on the shelves by X-Mas. SYLIA Keep track of your Fun Level and play safely. SYLIA Have a blast! LINNA Hai! SYLIA Gambatte ne! NENE Sugoi! What toy is this...? NENE The Amazing Blobby(tm)? Neato! NENE Why don't I get to play with it? PRISS You're too weak, Nene. PRISS You could put your eye out doing that, you know. PRISS If you aren't more careful Sylia'll take away your Power Sabre Suit(tm). NENE Feh! I'm too CUTE to ever lose my Power Sabre Suit(tm)! NENE I'm so cute, even the chief's niece likes me. NENE Interesting. Say, when's the last time anybody hit on YOU? SYLIA The 'AA' batteries are running down. NENE Wuss! SYLIA Not bad. Fun for the whole family! SYLIA Want a turn, Nene? NENE Eh? Uh, I dunno if I'm ready... SYLIA Come on. Worst you could do is sever a limb and catch on fire. SYLIA Or knock out your teeth, or get a concussion, or burn off your eyebrows. NENE I'm doomed. LINNA I can have your stereo if you die, right? SYLIA I'll lock you in so you can't escape. Go! SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Inflatable Macky Doll(tm), $119.95 SYLIA Dickweed. PRISS How could you do so badly with such an easy game? LINNA Maybe you should start on Billy Bunny(tm) and work up. NENE No way! SYLIA FASTER! FASTER, VERMIN! SYLIA Get up, you! NENE Please, mistress! SYLIA f(x) = 2x^3 - 4x + 7, f'(x) = ... ALL Reach for the sky, punk! NENE Medic... SYLIA Donkey Kong Score : 34. IQ : 6. Toes : 11. SYLIA Nene sucks. Why'd we let her join the Power Sabres again? PRISS Because she's so CUUUUTE, right? Right? NENE Of course! How do you think I got my Consumer Safety Division job? PRISS Ooooh, and you're so squeezable... NENE That hurt. PRISS Get over here... PRISS Stand and deliver! NENE No, wait! I don't want to go on the cart! NENE I haven't gained any weight, I'm on a Slim Fast(tm) diet! PRISS Uh-huh. NENE Oh, bugger. PRISS You have a cavity in your left molar! LINNA I didn't know sixty tubes of PEZ(tm) was part of a Slim Fast(tm) diet! PRISS You'll be a toothless hag at 20. MACKY Uh, there's an Adorable Moppet(tm) out here stalking Nene. MACKY What do I do? SYLIA A moppet? MACKY Yup. PRISS Isn't that outfit hopelessly out of fashion? NENE It is? PRISS Yeah. Wools and linens are in! NENE Shopping time, then... LINNA Any risk of her coming here? SYLIA This is a Power Sabres Secret HQ(tm). She won't find us. PRISS Hey, isn't that the chief's niece? NENE Yeah. Her name's Alielle. She's been stalking me all day. NENE Don't worry, she won't learn anything about the Power Sabres. LINNA Y'sure? PRISS And if she tortures you? NENE I can handle it! NENE ...maybe. PRISS Is my Motorcycle(tm) ready? MACKY Should be. PRISS I can't believe Nene made me upgrade. What a waste of my time. MACKY If you didn't, you could've put an eye out or something. MACKY It was a dangerous toy. PRISS Whatever! MACKY And remember to change the batteries! ALIELLE Hey, wait! ALIELLE Didn't an adorable red-headed girl come through here? MACKY Yeah, she ran away. ALIELLE What?? ALIELLE WAAH! Onee-sama! ALIELLE I gotta find her! ALIELLE Where is Furinkan High School?! OBLIGATORY ANIME SHOWER SCENE(tm) NENE That Easy Bake Oven(tm) was a great purchase for me, yessir! PRISS ``You'll be drinking Jello(tm) through a straw'' LINNA ``The poster girl for bad dental work!'' NENE Waaah... I just wanna eat yummy things. Is that so wrong? NENE But maybe this 16th slice was a bit much... SOMEONE Nene, good to see you. NENE Mornin'! NABIKI NENE! You sporkhead! NABIKI You messed up when you hacked my record, now I work 8,938 hours a week! NABIKI You gotta help me with this work load until we can fix it. NABIKI Here, this'll do for now. Get cracking. NENE Wha... HEY! Help me with this! NABIKI Your problem, not mine! NENE Dickweed... ALIELLE Morning, onee-sama! ALIELLE Let's go on a date today, okay? NENE Uh, I can't... lots of work to do. What a shame! NENE It'll have to wait for another day, I'm afraid! ALIELLE Awwww, that's boring! NENE I know, I know... a real tragedy... ahem. NENE Now, if you'll excuse me. ALIELLE Oh, alright... Hmm, what to do... NENE Hey, is this from your new Camera(tm)...? NENE Um, what's this? ALIELLE Oh, juuust a little something I got last night... ALIELLE It's odd, but I could SWEAR I've seen that cutie before... ALIELLE And maybe if she could take me to dinner...? NENE Uh, gee, I don't see any resemblance in here. Do you? ALIELLE I'll just post it to alt.binaries.pictures.sabres and see if there's a response. ALIELLE Unless she'll date me! NENE Eek. NENE Well, uh, maybe she can get SOME time to have dinner later... NENE So, ah, you don't HAVE to post the picture, just come back later. Okay? ALIELLE Kyuuun! NENE This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. NENE Not only does she know who I am, but she's got me pinned to a date! NENE I'm calm, though, really... NENE Very... I can handle it... LEON Hey, Alielle! What're you up to? ALIELLE Well, I was just peeping on Nene, is all... LEON From here? You need to sneak up and peek under her skirt, like this! ALIELLE Err, that's not what I... MIRIAM My new DeathMandroids(tm) are almost complete. MIRIAM Soon, the whole world will know the power of my toys, and revel in the fun! MIRIAM But these Power Sabres... MIRIAM They have suits that almost equal my new toys in terms of strength. MIRIAM We can't have that! It's not good business! I'll just DESTROY THEM ALL! MIRIAM Being a villian kicks ass. SUBTITLE DURING MUSIC SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Hip 80's Synthesizer(tm) $129.95 Da-Da-Duh, Da-Da-Duh Da-Da-Duh, Da-Da-Duh Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Da-Dee-Dee Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Da-Dee-Dee Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Da-Dee-Dee Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Da-Dee-Dee Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Da-Dee-Dee Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo, Duh-Duh-Dee-Dee, Duh-Duh-Dee-Dee Da-Da, Duh-Duh, Da-Duh-Duh-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo Da-Da, Duh-Duh, Da-Duh-Duh-Doo, Doo-Dee-Dee Da-Da, Duh-Duh, Da-Duh-Duh-Doo, Da-Dee-Doo Da-Da, Duh-Duh, Da-Duh-Duh-Doo, Doo-Dee-Dee Da-Da-Dee, Da-Dum-Da-Doo Da-Da-Dee, Da-Dum-Da-Deee Da-Da-Dee, Da-Dum-Da-Doo Da-Da-Dee, Da-Dum-Da-Deee Doo-Da-Dee, Doo-Da-Dee, Duh-Duh Doo-Doo Doo-Da-Dee, Doo-Da-Dee, Duh-Duh Doo-Doo Da-Doo-Dee! NENE Like the food? ALIELLE Yeah! ALIELLE Hey, can I order the Big Mac Flambé(tm)? NENE But isn't it pretty high in saturated fat-- NENE Sorry, Alielle-chan... but I really can't stay. Important meeting. NENE I'll make it up, I swear, just don't post the photo! NENE Just finish your Meal(tm), and have fun, okay? ALIELLE Awww... ALIELLE You know, dating isn't as fun when you force them into it. ALIELLE I'm hallucinating!! AAA!! ALIELLE I wish I brought my GENOM TOYS Big Fluffy Warm Coat(tm). ALIELLE Past my bedtime... SYLIA Who're you? SYLIA That's not a safety approved Couch(tm). You could get hurt. ALIELLE And you are? SYLIA I own a toy company, the... Power... Not-Sabres. SYLIA We make action figures. ALIELLE Oh. Have you seen a red-headed girl around here... ALIELLE I figured she might come back this way, so I'd just wait. SYLIA Sounds boring. How about if I sit with you? ALIELLE Say... SYLIA Yeah? ALIELLE You've... been in love, right? SYLIA Oh, sixty, seventy times. ALIELLE What do you do when they don't like you? ALIELLE Well, not LIKE you, but avoid you repeatedly... ALIELLE Almost like a sick running gag in an anime, really... SYLIA Ironic, no? ALIELLE Kinda. But it's not easy on us guest characters, you know. ALIELLE I'm hoping that we'll be walking off into the sunset once the action sequences are done... ALIELLE But it's kind of hard to predict. ALIELLE So generally I'm just playing along and hoping for the best. ALIELLE Oh, and there's that plot about the Power Sabres and GENOM TOYS, too. ALIELLE Although nobody really cares about that part of the story, right? SYLIA Okay... first of all, what makes you think that you're anything more than a running gag? ALIELLE Well, they are paying me $50 a day for this. SYLIA As compared to our $450, you mean? SYLIA You can usually rate your importance in the script on your salary. SYLIA It may not be fair, but that's the life of an anime character. SYLIA But the good part is that once the OVAs are over... SYLIA ... FanFic starts, and that's when we can REALLY party. SYLIA Being an anime character has its rewards. Beats being a fry cook. SYLIA You can put up with a few problems in return for the side benefits. SYLIA What other job can get you hordes of screaming fanboys, drooling over you... SYLIA And your UFO catcher dolls? SYLIA Well, back to the script. Call me when it's done, alright? ALIELLE Uh, okay... ALIELLE Hey, are they REALLY giving you four fifty? SYLIA You bet they are, kid. NENE I hate 'fourth wall.' NENE Alielle! NENE Sorry about yesterday. ALIELLE Big deal. Seems to be a common thing for you. NENE Uh, really? ALIELLE Yup. NENE Don't worry, someone's going to take over the building. Then I'll stay here. ALIELLE Isn't that bad? NENE Yeah. MIRIAM Finally done! MIRIAM Incredible Fun Factor AND Destructiveness! MIRIAM Oh, the eye pleasing shapes! MIRIAM The panache, the moxie! Better than GENOM TOYS Gas Powered Sharp Things(tm)! MIRIAM And now, for the field testing and product announcement. MIRIAM I figure I'll whack the Consumer Safety Division first. MIRIAM Those goody-two shoes can't resist stopping a move like that! ALIELLE I still say that's a matte painting, not a skyline. NENE The CSD can't afford a real view. Budgets suck, huh? ALIELLE I guess... NENE What? ALIELLE All this time I've tried to get you in the sack, without luck. ALIELLE I'm beginning to suspect it's a waste of my time. NENE You're... giving up? COP Wow, it's Emilio Estevez! COP2 Can I have your autograph, sir? COP You were AMAZING in ``The Mighty Ducks''!! COP2 What the? Hey, what're you... NENE You're giving up? ALIELLE Probably... not. We just need a disaster to bring us together... ALIELLE ...maybe an invasion of the building by hostile forces, and a rescue... ALIELLE ...or something dramatic like that. ALIELLE Shame it won't happen. NENE Yeah, that's pretty far-fetched even for this parody, huh? ALIELLE It's too bad, really. I doubt it'd happen anytime soon. NENE The Alarm(tm)? Someone's invading the building. NENE Alielle, stay here in harm's way. Be right back. ALIELLE But I'll die! NENE Hey! You're the one who wants a rescue! ALIELLE Oh, alright. Stefan (I'm going to be a lazy bastard and not write any subs here.) Stefan (Audience participation time! Heckle the action sequences, MST3k style!) SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Overfiend Wannabe Replica, $139.95 NENE This is bad. SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Inconvenient Plot Devices, $149.95 ALIELLE This is bad. MIRIAM Ah, I love my work. MIRIAM Being evil is so much FUN! DALEY I'll bite, what happened? COP Someone took over the Consumer Safety Division! DALEY Then why are you out HERE? COP Too scared to go in, sir. COP I'm six days from retirement and I'm not gonna do anything stupid, sir. COP Most of us have run... COP ...but a few idiot heroic types didn't. DALEY And Leon? COP He's off getting his bi-weekly cuticle treatment. DALEY Get him back here, you putz! COP Right! SOUND *piyo piyo* SOUND *piyo piyo* DALEY Speak, worm. RADIO Bumblebee squadron. We're going to get blown away attacking the roof. RADIO I think we're doomed. Tell my wife I-- DALEY Boy, do we suck. MIRIAM So, want to hear my Cunning Master Plan(tm)? DALEY Blackhearted fiend!! What are you planning to do? MIRIAM Do? It's very simple, actually. DALEY You're looking at a sixty dollar fine for poor safety, pal! MIRIAM A fine? Oh, please. I'm going to destroy the building. DALEY WHAT?! What's the point of that? You little-- MIRIAM There is a catch. DALEY Namely? MIRIAM I want the Power Sabres on a stick. Go get 'em, okay? MIRIAM Failing that, your building is toast... MIRIAM And your entire Beatles Anthology(tm) collection with it! DALEY DICKWEED! MIRIAM Ah, this is enjoyable! DeathMandroids(tm), destroy! ALIELLE Hello? I'd like to be rescued now! NENE Balance... NENE Oh, shit... SUBTITLE DURING GUN FIRING SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Really Ineffective Handgun(tm), $159.95 SUBTITLE AFTER SHE RUNS OUT OF BULLETS SUBTITLE RELOAD! AIM GUN OFFSCREEN AND FIRE! NENE Reload! Reload! NENE Ack! NENE Priss! :) MACKY Nene! NENE Macky! MACKY Nene. PRISS Quit swapping names and go! NENE Sorry... PRISS Beat it! MACKY Going up... NENE How many dangerous toys are there? MACKY Four really nasty ones, and one Helicopter(tm), I'd hazard. NENE Okay, I'll take off all my clothes. NENE Alielle's still in the building. Let's go save her by remote control. NENE There, that's better. Power Sabre Suit(tm) activated! NENE Macky, quit blushing. MACKY Uh, okay. MIRIAM Glad you could make it, Power Sabres! Now, witness the fury of my creative vision! SYLIA This Mandroid(tm) is tough, but no match for the SUPER POWER SABRE SUIT(tm). SYLIA Bigger. Stronger. More batteries. And ready to Kick Ass(tm). NENE I see. NENE It's filled the system with copies of Make.Money.Fast. NENE I'll hack in and counter with 'Me Too' messages. You mail it a coredump. NENE Look out for the Michelangelo Virus or the Good Times virus. MACKY Hai! NENE Hey, wait! We've still got to rescue Alielle! NENE Alielle! Alielle! ALIELLE Nene! About time you rescued me. NENE You were right; we've been invaded by Mandroids(tm)! NENE But we're gonna get you out. Let's play 'Nene Says(tm)'. ALIELLE What should I do? NENE Nene Says let's get you to a safer place. ALIELLE HOW do you plan to do that?! NENE Trust me, okay? NENE Macky, I'm going to do something Cyberish to the doors. Get ready. NENE Try to keep up, okay? MACKY Okay. NENE Area 51, Gate 666. Elevator's out... NENE We'll have to go with the stairs in Hangar 18. NENE Mackie, dump to /etc and /tmp. MACKY 'K. NENE Nene Says go through the door that's about to open, Alielle! NENE Nene Says go through the left-hand door! NENE Nene Says pull it open first, of course. NENE Nene Says go downstairs! MIRIAM What's this? MIRIAM Ah, the Power Sabres are doing something Cyberish. MIRIAM Fascinating. Destroy them, my robots! NENE Are we getting anywhere? MACKY He's beating me by six lines in Tetris. MACKY This could take awhile. ALIELLE Nene! ALIELLE I can't fly, you know! ALIELLE Oh... oops. NENE I thought your yellow hair meant Super Saiyajin... NENE Alielle! Nene Says go back! I'll find another door. NENE Nene Says go down the elevator shaft! NENE Just don't look down... oh, crap. You did. NENE Kinda like ``Die Hard,'' isn't it? NENE Eh? Now it's more like ``Speed!'' NENE Mackie, don't just stand there! DO something! MACKY YOU do something! ALIELLE Waaah, onee-sama, do something! NENE There's an air vent. Nene Says jump for it! NENE Alielle, hurry! NENE Hurry! HURRY! ALIELLE This sucks, this sucks, this sucks! NENE Macky, do something! MACKY I can't! NENE ALIELLE! NENE Alielle, R.U.O.K.? ALIELLE M... mommy... NENE Good. Nene Says go straight ahead. ALIELLE Waah... NENE Go through the left gate. NENE Nah-ah-ah! Nene didn't say! Nene Says the RIGHT gate! ALIELLE Dickweed! MIRIAM This is too easy. Oh well. FINISH THEM! MIRIAM Get them, and their little girl, too! NENE DANCE! ALIELLE Waaaaaah! ALIELLE Open sesame!! NENE Realistic Doggie Odor(tm)! Alielle, hold your breath! NENE This is really starting to get repetitive. PRISS Oh dear. MIRIAM Death to inferior toys! MIRIAM My DeathMandroids(tm) are made of superior plastic! MIRIAM What? MIRIAM NOWAY! O_O PRISS YES WAY. These windup dolls are nothing! MIRIAM Houston, we have a problem. PRISS Nyaa-ha! NENE Shocking! ALIELLE Nene! ALIELLE Power... Sabres... PRISS That was fun. Let's go get some Dunkin' Donuts(tm). ALIELLE Nene... you know, you look even cuter in molded plastic... MIRIAM Waaah, those meanies ruined all my fun! DICKWEEDS! MIRIAM Okay, two can play at this game. No choice left... MIRIAM I must play the final Trump Card(tm)! DIE, my enemies! NENE What? Not this! Anything but this! DALEY Oh, great. SYLIA What is it? NENE The Big Red Light(tm), a cooking toy! It's gonna bake the building! PRISS This is bad. NENE I think I can stop it. LINNA There isn't time! NENE I'm not gonna let the building cook! NENE Daley's Beatles Anthology(tm) albums are in here. NENE Leave it to me, I own an oven like this. But you guys clear out! PRISS Let's get very, very far away. ALIELLE Nene... NENE Macky... MACKY I owned an Easybake Oven(tm) too. Even though I was called a girly girl for it. NENE First we need to get some icing... NENE Then you stuff it in without dough. Works every time. MACKY Yeah! MIRIAM That's right, boil 'em in their tower! Big meanies! SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Flying Whirlygig, $169.95 COPTER Consumer Safety Division! Book 'em, Danno! ALIELLE Hey... is Nene going to fry? PRISS Mm... probably. SYLIA Don't worry. She bakes things all the time. ALIELLE Nene... ALIELLE NENE! NENE KICKASS! NENE By cooking icing alone, we screwed up the baking mechanism... NENE ...and managed to short out the Big Red Light(tm)! SYLIA Hey, nice shot. NENE Sylia! Priss! ... whats-her-name! We did it! NENE The world is safe for toys again! PRISS Gotta run. DALEY About freakin' time you showed, Leon. LEON I feel pretty. Where're the Mandroids(tm)? DALEY Wasted by the Power Sabres. Quite a show, really. LEON Hey, Alielle! Take my picture! ALIELLE Okey-dokey! NEWSPAPER HEADLINE SUBTITLE FORMULA FOR COKE(tm) CHANGED AGAIN ~ NABIKI What a mess... NENE Yeah... ALIELLE Mornin'! NENE Alielle! Good morning! Hey, spiffy outfit you have on! ALIELLE Yeah... it's cute and red, just like your hair. ALIELLE Also, I got free tickets to SD Nightmare on Elm Street in 3-D. Wanna go? ALIELLE It's a date! NABIKI Tickets, huh? Lemme see! NABIKI A picture? Candid photographs? Nudge Nudge! NENE No way! NABIKI Well, what then? NABIKI #D VB34 NENE Uh... NABIKI Wink wink! Subtitle right as music starts SUBTITLE GENOM TOYS Anime Parody Fansub(tm), $0.05. I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pajamas... I've got forty thousand French francs in my fridge I've got lots of lovely lyre... now the Deutsche mark's getting dearer... And my dollar bills would buy the Brooklyn Bridge Big money goes around the world... Big money underground... Big money got a mighty voice... big money makes no sound "Money!" Get away. Get a good job with more pay and you're okay "Money!" It's a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash New car, caviar, four stay daydream... Think I'll buy me a football team Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it You play the guitar on the MTV She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey She works hard for the money, so you better treat her right It's all about the Benjamins, baby! The best things in life are free... But you can tell me 'bout the birds and bees Blood money, that's what I call it 'Cause money for blood ain't no fair exchange But your conscience is all you can take to your grave "Money!" Get back. I'm alright, Jack, keep your hands off my stack "Money!" It's a hit. Don't give me that do goody good bullshit "Money!" So they say, is the root of all evil today But if you ask for a raise, it's no surprise That they're giving none away... THE END Spoof Chase Productions http://spoof.maison-otaku.net Caveat Emptor(tm)