So you better treat it right, etc, etc.
New readers — welcome! This blog is where I set up feedback threads for the latest draft story in progress. Right now I’m up to story #6. You should probably start at story #1, though.
Current readers — here we get the aftermath of what went down in last week’s update, and the rather unpleasant fallout. It’s largely transitional into the next act, where things get stranger and stranger. Given how nuts things got before a bit of a wind down first would probably be welcome, I suspect.
Also, scope out the slightly redesigned homepage, which lays out the upcoming stories volume by volume. Right now I have two volumes planned, but who knows? Anachronauts certainly overshot its original plans.
I’ve been working on said plans for upcoming stories, and the final book. Still debating if I wanna turn to Kickstarter given I have little in the way of stretch goals or rewards I can offer. We’ll see. Meanwhile we’ve got this story to chew on, and then a story about everybody’s favorite everyman Dave Smith, and then things get bad real fast. Hooboy, do they.
Poor, poor Vivi. But she’s determined to make it through, so let’s all give her a good cheer, shall we?
One other typo: Towards the end of the alleyway conversation, Marcy says that “Hollsiter” [sic] knows Skrillasso.
Looking forward to what the intrigue is all about.
Even more than all the stories/updates to date, this one really delineated the day-to-day problems with earth-shattering stuff happening around you. Almost seems similar to storm disasters in our world.
Life in the city can be rough. Even if you don’t become a crazed breakpoint in the fabric of reality, you can have your whole world turned upside down by the sifting tides.
I like the new post format with “new readers” and “current readers” sections. I do still think the initial link to the story is obfuscated/confusing, though. I’m an existing user and I still get confused myself sometimes.
Seth knows sign language? Class. (As he signs the papers, I’m picturing “Hugs and kisses, Zaphod.”)
“confident stride in his step.” — stride in his step? Sounds odd. Maybe just “confident stride.” or “confident sweep in his steps” or something?
Fi — hey, isn’t she assoc. w/Cass too?
Ah, I see now how you covered Hollister’s valiant efforts.
Interesting point about consent there. Might not be quite the right word but with the context she goes on to explain, it works.
“best buddies with the Cult of Bedlam” … hehehheh. Who’s “he” here though — must be the DJ? But even that wouldn’t explain the other clubs. Hollister wouldn’t be considering Seth for that sentence.
“pending job offer” — more of a pending job opportunity. For it to be an offer she’d have to audition first.
I appreciate it that all the Picassos are differently motivated. Vivi’s right that this one seems different in that he was happy and excited, but perhaps we’ll learn more about that.
Typo tweaks:
“find me a job. he” — capitalize He
“consisted cruelty” — constituted cruelty
I think you have an “is” instead of an “us” somewhere in there, too.